Recap of Nickifer, the Demon Baby Mama Drama, the LoL, and Mary.
Cut to Now (well, Oxbridgeish in 1987). Boring and stupid English stereotypes abound as two boys (Mick and Retch, I gather) head to a meeting at “Kendricks” with a classic stereotypically bitchy British Headmistress. Ugh. So. Much. Ugh.
So, guess it’s just Retch (sorry, turns out to be Mitch, having a dream), then, since she leaves them alone in a fight to the death. He kills his best friend.
Cue title credits and the Brothers are on the road, while they talk to Eileen about tracking down Kelly (the Devil’s Baby Mama). She’s off to track them some more.
Back at the Bunker, Sam wants Dean to call Crowley. Dean doesn’t want to. They find Mick there, who claims the Bunker is “our house” and the key opens every Bunker in the world. Ugh. So. Much. Hate. This episode is gonna be tough to sit through.
Turns out Mick didn’t know about Kelly and Lucifer’s Nephilim child. So, official confirmation that the LoL are WAY out of their league.
So, the Brothers fill him in (after Dean without apology says they never mentioned it before because “need to know”) and Mick freaks out. A very insulting discussion amongst men about abortion and women’s choice and how the Power of Motherly Wuv prevented Kelly from aborting the Ugly-Ass Plot Point.
Cut to Dagon talking to Lucifer about his baby and the “package” (i.e., moronic Kelly). Dagon says Kelly will “last long enough” to give birth.
Cut to Mick having more of a nightmare about killing his buddy (who really did not want to die). He’s awakened by Headbitchstress from the dream. She’s part of the leadership and guess what? They’re freaking out over the Nephilim sitch. She insists Mick get the Winchesters on board right now or kill them
[cue mocking laughter from the audience].
So, Kelly is having misgivings about her pregnancy. She insists Dagon take her to a doctor. Dagon mind-whammies the doc into saying everything is normal, even though it’s not. He still gets killed by a demon later on.
At the Bunker, Dean is hungover because Mitch allegedly could drink him and Sam under the table (SO. MUCH. HATE). Mitch mentions that Mary is with Retch (cue an unnecessary scene between those two in which no new territory is mined).
At the LoL Bunker, Mitch gets a visit from Henchbitchtress’s lap dog, a smarmy little public school stereotype.
Chez Crowley, Lucifer is submitting to Crowley as a new tactic and still claiming to be the eldest brother. SHOW, GET IT STRAIGHT. MICHAEL IS THE OLDEST. ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
Halfway through the ep and so far, *nothing* has happened but set-up.
So, Dean is leaving voice messages on Castiel’s phone and the Brothers are meeting with Eileen. She caught up with the demon who killed Kelly’s doc, killed him with an angel blade and got Dagon’s number.
As much as I love Eileen, remember when demons had TK and powers and stuff?
Back to Crowley, who is haranguing the troops about their loyalty to Lucifer. He unwisely brings Lucifer in to submit to him. Apparently, Crowley is unaware that Lucifer is in communion with Dagon and just biding his time.
Lucifer immediately starts undermining Crowley (with his back to Crowley) by winking and leering and sneering and glowing-eyes-y at the demons.
Ugh, so much stupid in this episode. And *still*, nothing has happened but set-up.
Kelly is sending Dagon on errands when she gets a call from Sam, who pretends to be her (dead) doctor’s assistant. Eileen gives him a thumbs-up and Mitch shows up with Brit Douchenozzle. Eileen very quickly puts him in his place.
Meanwhile, Dean quietly grabs Kelly and drives her to the docks, where the others are waiting.
Douchenozzle starts to brag. Dean puts him in his place.
Kelly gets out and Sam and Dean try to talk Kelly out of being a moron. Kelly thinks she loves the Nephilim. Mick points out (sensibly, for once) that the Nephilim doesn’t give a rat’s ass about its mother.
Dagon shows up in a blast of thunder and lightning, and uses TK. She is also, of course, unaffected by regular bullets. After blasting away the others, she starts to grab Kelly. Eileen gets the gun and shoots at Dagon, but Dagon disappears and Douchenozzle gets shot instead. Works for me.
Mick doesn’t take Douchenozzle’s death well. He wants to shoot Eileen, yelling about the code that, y’know, Americans don’t follow. Dean steps up and takes aim at him. Sam tries to talk Mick down.
I sure hope Mick understands that if he shoots Eileen, Dean’s gonna blow his head off. Right then and there.
As if this episode couldn’t possibly suck enough, Mary has slept with Retch. Who confesses he was thinking he would end up shooting her, instead.
Mary straight-up tells him it was a one-night stand. Retch says he’s not “built for that” and that she isn’t, either. Mary says no, but that her monogamous days are over.
Retch thinks she’s choosing Hunting over Family. Mary begs to differ.
Back Chez Crowley, Lucifer is getting a demon to examine him, presumably so he can lift Crowley’s spells. The demon admits he can’t do that. The only demon who could disarm the “security system” is the one who designed it. Crowley killed him.
Is this demon really dumb enough to believe Lucifer? Oh, wait. How did the rest of the episode go?
Back at the Bunker, Eileen is upset over having killed a human. The Brothers comfort her.
Is this episode over yet? No? Ugh.
So, Kelly finally buys a clue (actually, it’s a gift from Dagon) that she’s not going to survive giving birth to the Nephilim and that nobody cares.
Henchbitchstress shows up with Retch to school Mitch, probably fatally. Toni the Twat’s name is once again spoken in vain. Henchbitchstress monologues delusionally about how “Hunters are dogs” and should “obey.” She wants Eileen tracked down and murdered. She also wants the Winchesters “investigated” and executed “if found guilty.”
Which just goes to show how PLOT STUPID the LoL really are. You send people over the pond without having investigated these guys thoroughly already?! WTF?!, show?
Mitch rebels and gets shot dead by Retch.
Dear God, I am *so* over this LoL storyline at this point.
Back at the Bunker, the Brothers are worrying about Castiel. Eileen has bailed, deciding to go back to Ireland. Which, you know, isn’t right next door to England, or anything.
Oh, she left the Colt. Dean’s cheery joy at getting it back is about the only good thing about this episode.
Back at the LoL Bunker, dumbass Henchbitchstress orders Retch to kill every Hunter in the U.S.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Really, show? Come on.
Next week’s promo? We’re back to pagan gods. Some goat dude in the basement.