Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.
The recap has me snorting in laughter right off. The recap starts with Ramiel (remember him? I had to look up his name, he was that forgettable) spouting off about how crossing the YEDs is BAD and they will come after you. Sure, except that three out of four of them are now toast thanks to TFW, so not exactly shaking in my sneaks, Show.
The recap also tells us (again) that the Brothers have lost a lot of people in the past couple of episodes (Crowley is not shown or mentioned) and we get Dean’s insistence again that he will eventually have to kill Jack. Considering Jack is a bunch of cheap walking plot cheats, Dean’s absolutely right.
Cut to Now and two demons in Crowley’s throne room. One of them is a Lucifer loyalist (I believe I’ve mentioned before that demons are stupid) who is convinced the Lord of Hell will return and “bring us out of chaos.” Suddenly, exit door bursts open in a flash of light and in walks Colonel Sanders–sorry, Asmodeus, the last surviving YED. You see, the show kept a spare for our sins.
Asmodeus introduces himself by sparing the loyalist and two other demons, then burning the others in their hosts. He intends to rule until Lucifer “and his son” return.
Cut to a car chat between the Brothers, with Jack asleep in the backseat. Sam wants to drive (because Dean has been driving all night) and also to talk about their losses/lick their wounds one more friggin’ time. If I were Dean, I’d pull over just to slap him.
Sam also wants to talk about what to do with Jack. Dean says if they knew how to kill Jack, he’d be dead, already, and that’s still the plan. Dean points out to Sam that alliances with bad people and giving bad people the benefit of the doubt have never worked out for them. Dean doesn’t add that Sam’s judgement flat-out sucks in this area. I mean, Sam is so self-centered that he actually thinks opening up the rift again to find Mary is a good idea.
Meanwhile, Lucifer and Mary are trying to find a way out in a dead world. Lucifer is monologuing to Mary that he intends to trade her for her sons when they get back to SPNverse Prime. Mary points out that Lucifer doesn’t have the first clue about raising a child, which makes Lucifer snippy. But before they can bicker some more, a fireball blasts into the hillside next to them and Mary disappears.
Meanwhile, in Crowley’s Throne Room, the loyalist is reporting that both Lucifer and Jack have disappeared, and taking notes. Asmodeus is philosophical about the first thing, rather more annoyed about the second. After smacking the loyalist around a bit for being presumptuous and pedantic, he explains how he got the scars on his face (demons have never manifested scars on their host before, but this is a Nepotism Duo episode, so it’s Ignore All Canon And Make Stuff Up Time). He then monologues some more (another boring Nep Duo specialty) about how he got them. He wanted to please Lucifer, so he freed some demons called the Shedim in order to train them. Lucifer was afraid of the Shedim, so he locked them back up and scarred Asmodeus. And that’s how you fail the Lord of Hell.
At a hotel, Dean is grumping that they should still be on the road. Sam points out that Dean was hallucinating about sheep. In the room, Jack starts to watch Scooby-Doo (obvious product placement foreshadowing is obvious). Dean sends him to the couch and gives him a Bible to read. Sam offers to let Jack sleep on a bed, but Jack says it’s okay. He starts reading the Bible.
Later, as they eat and Sam wards the room, Jack eats like … well … Dean and copies everything he does (which irritates Dean). Mind you, Jack doesn’t copy Sam at all.
Jack asks about Lucifer in the Bible (Lucifer is actually a very different thing in the Bible than he is post-biblically and is not Satan). The Brothers sort of fill him in and Jack says that hey, he’s God’s grandson (honey, everything in Creation is God’s children, so don’t get so excited).
Man, there is a lot of yakking in this episode.
They hear a noise at the door. The Brothers pull their weapons and Dean drags the intruder through the door. It’s Donatello. Remember him? He was a Prophet in season 11 and Amara ate his soul. He explains this to the Brothers and that he solves moral dilemmas by asking “What would Mister Rogers do?” And it appears that with God gone–again–he’s retired. Except that God was gone for a long time before he returned, so that makes no sense.
Anyhoo, he sensed Jack’s birth and followed him. The Brothers make introductions back and forth. And they get Jack tatted up and Dean points out to Sam that he’s fixated on the kid a bit too much. Meanwhile, Jack zaps the tattoo artist when he’s startled by the pain.
It’s no use. The tattoos just disappear. And afterward, they’re being watched by a possessed homeless woman.
Jack gets upset during the ensuing dull debate over Nature vs Nurture and teleports. So, that answers Dean’s previous question about that ability. Jack pretty much sprouts abilities as the writers feel like it, which is not a good sign for this character’s longevity.
Sam goes and talks to Jack. Meanwhile, Dean is talking to a sketchy barmaid with daddy issues. Probably possessed. Ah, nope. The real barmaid is dead with her throat cut behind the bar and it’s Asmodeus in disguise. Or something. While this power has been shown before (in Ben Edlund’s “The Mentalist”), it has only appeared once, presumably because it’s hard to write around how the Brothers can compete with a shapeshifting demon that can also teleport.
Also, the death count of female extras vs male extras is rather lopsided this episode. Another Nep Duo kinda thing.
Wow, we’re only halfway through? Ugh. This episode is endless.
The next morning, Sam and Donatello have a conversation about Jack and whether or not he can be Good. Sam insists that Kelly was a saint and that Jack has only the vaguest idea about baby daddy Lucifer, so Jack can be Good.
I have to say I am completely over the way the show tries to handwave its over-the-top and well-telegraphed fridging of her by posthumously whitewashing Kelly. Kelly was no saint. She was originally a high-powered White House staffer who was also using her position to engage in a sexual affair with her boss on the downlow. When she found out she was pregnant with the Devil’s child, she ran away and later tried to commit suicide, while pregnant. The Kelly who revived was, at best, brainwashed by her son and at worst just a resurrected womb. She was a deeply flawed woman who ended up in the situation she did in part through her own choices (which did not include intentionally getting knocked up by Satan). I don’t think she deserved what happened to her, but I also think it’s pretty gross how the show keeps banging away at her “heroic” sacrificial choice to die birthing her son when by that point she literally had no choice left in the matter. As soon as conception occurred, she was a dead woman walking. That is a nasty message to send to women. Stop it, show! Bad show! [bops showrunners on the nose with a virtual newspaper]
Back to Mary, who encounters a gun-toting Hunter. After he establishes she’s not an angel or demon, he tells her there are very few women left and even fewer female Hunters. Then he gets all creepy on her. She fights back. He knocks her down and goes to shoot her, but Lucifer puts a fist through his back. Yes, that’s right. The show set that up just so Lucifer could save her life.
Mary is not appropriately grateful, so Lucifer tortures her a bit.
Hard to believe this episode was co-written by a woman. It is all kinds of bad-touching with the female characters for no good reason. But what am I saying? We’re talking about Buck-Leming here.
Back at the hotel, Sam ONCE AGAIN tries to force a conversation with Dean over their recent losses. I get the show thinks this makes Sam look compassionate, but all I can think is that all this terrible shared trauma that Dean is supposed to open up about seems awfully academic to Sam. Remember “Everybody Loves a Clown” when Dean called Sam out on that? Yeah. Better writers that time.
Then Donatello walks in with breakfast and doesn’t know what Sam is talking about with that earlier conversation about Nature vs Nurture. Seems Asmodeus stole Jack right out from under Sam’s nose. I legit laughed at Sam for that.
So, Dean goes into a room and encounters a demon. He gets his ass kicked and Sam stabs the demon from behind.
GODDAMNIT, SHOW, CAN’T YOU LET DEAN HAVE EVEN ONE KILL, THESE DAYS?
In the hallway, Donatello, who can track Jack, gets attacked (see what I did there?) by a demon. Dean takes out said demon with a thrown angel blade. Still pretty salty about the show handing Sam Dean’s kills on a platter after Dean gets tossed around the room, though.
Out standing in some random field, Jack is being exhorted by fake Donatello to open up a hole to Hell and let something out. In the car on their way to stop him, Sam looks in John’s journal and discovers a reference to a Hell gate that opens up to terrible, unnameable creatures (i.e., the Shedim). Except that the Brothers have that journal memorized at this point and ought to have been aware of that passage, as well as the significance of being near Jasper, WY. Big fail, Show.
Jumping back to Mary and Lucifer (too many friggin’ storylines in this one), with Lucifer whinging some more about Mary’s failure to respect his authority. I don’t understand why Lucifer is just walking around with Mary tagging along when he could just pick her up and fly wherever he needed to go in nanoseconds. That’s lame.
Anyhoo, some angels show up. Inexplicably, they are wearing military fatigues because…well, they just are. They demand that Lucifer identify himself. He kills them and then another angel shows up. Lucifer doesn’t recognize him at first, but it turns out to be Michael. This is ridiculous. Angels can see each other’s true forms inside their vessels, just as demons can see each other’s true faces inside their hosts. That’s just dumb. Hell, the entire storyline involving the Nephilim includes angels being able to sense archangels from a goodly distance away.
Alt-Michael monologues a bit and has a conversation of sorts with Lucifer. Then they, uh, fist-fight (no, I am not kidding; there are actual fisticuffs) and Lucifer gets his ass kicked. But alt-Michael decides to spare Lucifer because he needs him for some reason. We are not told what because that would actually involve plot resolution.
Anyhoo, the Impala finally arrives where Jack is being snookered into allowing out creepy orange-arm creatures with black claws (that’s all we see of them). Asmodeus has to reveal himself when Dean shoots him and chokes out TFW. This cause Jack to go after him, so Asmodeus flees. I think.
Later, back at the Bunker, Sam tries, for the umpteenth time, to tell Dean that Jack can be Good because he “came through for us today.” Dean responds that it was just a reflex and goes to bed. On the way, he encounters Jack, who is passing the time stabbing himself, to no avail. Dean takes the knife from him. Jack worries he doesn’t have his powers under control and that “I will hurt someone.”
Dean’s cold comfort is that if Jack does lose control and have to be killed, “I will be the one to do it.”
We need your help!
I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.