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Starting now with a recap of Recap of Dean calling Castiel and the dumbass Demon Baby Mama Drama that just goes to show how godawful boring it is (and makes Kelly look like a total moron).
Oh, and more whining from the LoL about not having the Colt. Which wasn’t theirs in the first place.
Cut to Kelly being force-fed something by Dagon. I guess I’m supposed to give a rat’s ass about her, but I really don’t.
Dagon blathers on about how “He” is going to destroy everything. Eh. Not really feeling Dagon at this point. Hopefully, she’ll get killed off tonight.
Kelly is left to herself, and her chains, to whine and moan. Again, not feelin’ the Kelly pity. She had multiple ways to get out of this before. Not to mention birth control. This is totally on her.
So, she tries to kill herself in a convenient bathtub. With a convenient razor.
Cue title cards.
Cue montage of Sam doing research. Lord, so bored.
Cue sneak peek of Castiel returning and admitting he was in Heaven.
Sam is all “Everything’s fine. Glad you’re back.” Dean is not.
Dean yells at Castiel. Justifiably so. He walks out on them both.
Later, Dean is in his room, looking at his computer. Castiel comes back and gives Dean back a mixtape Dean had made for him. Dean insists he take it back.
Calmer, Dean tells him they were worried and that Castiel needs to stop going radio silence.
Castiel admits that he “keeps failing.” He says he “needed to come back here with a win for you.”
Dean isn’t impressed. He says they’ve been having a hard time, too.
Dean admits to Castiel’s question that he may not be able to kill an innocent (Sam’s already done it, so Castiel, that was a dumb question).
Dean tells Castiel they need to stay TFW-together. Apparently, Dean has not yet noticed his mother’s photo is missing.
Dagon finds the tub and the blood, but Kelly is in a corner, still alive. Kelly is all rapturous, “He wouldn’t let me die.”
I dunno, Dean. Kelly doesn’t strike me was very innocent at this point.
Sam decides to try tracking the Nephilim instead of Dagon.
Sam says a Nephilim is just a human soul with angelic grace (ugh, show, please, just stop with the retconning on the fly–that…no). If they can remove the grace, they can end up with just a human soul.
Dagon has a bucket of cold realism for Kelly, that the Nephilim just was saving itself, not her. Dagon, however, has her own delusions. She believes that she will rule by the Nephilim’s side. Demons. So stupid.
Oh, and yeah, Castiel stole the Colt. For the asshole angels. His delusion is that he’s doing it all for the Winchesters.
Castiel sets off with the angels, as he ignores a call from Dean.
I’m sure this will end well.
So, the angels do quite poorly against Dagon. The one surviving angel (the one who recruited him) sends Castiel downstairs to kill Kelly while he takes on Dagon. And, presumably, gets killed.
Sad that I’m actually happy to see a commercial break.
Dagon subdues the other angel, finds out Castiel has taken Kelly, and then has a conversation with Lucifer that doesn’t go well. Especially when he finds out it was Castiel. She then tortures the other angel for info. They monologue at each other. Dagon wins, of course. And he sends her right after…Sam and Dean.
Kelly has a car conversation with Castiel and they go on a boring road trip. Castiel wants to bring Kelly to Heaven. He says that a “human form” can’t survive a trip to Heaven, so they’ll be instantly killed and their souls sent to Heaven. He talks up the Nephilim as a new Big Bad. Kelly is all fantasizing that the kid could be good because the baby “saved” her when she tried to kill herself. Can we kill her now?
Meanwhile, the Brothers are arming up. Annnnd (wait for it) Castiel stole the Colt because it was under Dean’s pillow. I am so very, very, VERY over this “Dean is dumb” trope.
So, yeah, the upshot of the whole Kelly thing is that Kelly is on this whole “My son can be Good” kick, even though Castiel reminds her she’s gonna die, because she’s possessed. Because that’s not a misogynistic trope at all.
Oh, and the Winchesters finally show up. Dean is not happy with Castiel at all.
So, Castiel gives them his stupid reason for running off and Kelly is an idiot and Dean is the only one who notices. But the plot had Dean act *really* stupid and give Castiel the keys.
OH, COME ON, SHOW.
Kelly is driving to the Heaven sandbox. She says her unborn son (yes, she’s willing to follow a child who’s not even born yet. That’s how dumb she is) wants her to step through the portal.
Kelly and Castiel have a pointlessly dumb conversation about how they’re not actually the Heroes of the plot. You know…the two characters who got left behind in the parking lot.
I hate this season so much.
So, Rosencranz and Guildenstern arrive at the Heaven gate and (shocker, eh?) Dagon is waiting. She starts to kill Castiel when the Brothers show up (Dean hotwired a car).
Sam and Dean get knocked down. Dagon (who really is way overpowered) takes the Colt and destroys it. Castiel and Kelly hold hands. Kelly’s eyes glow again and the Nephilim possesses Castiel, who kills Dagon.
Well, at least she’s gone. One lame-o guest character down….
So, Castiel heals Dean and now he’s possessed, too (Castiel, not Dean). He puts the Brothers to sleep and walks off with Kelly. They drive off in the truck, Castiel declaring that the Nephilim showed him “the future.” Because, on top of destroying an iconic artifact, they decided to wreck Castiel as a character.
Fuck you, Dabb. Fuck you, Singer. Fuck you, whoever wrote this stupid episode. You all need to be fired. Bring on the writers strike so this show can have a major shakedown.
Looks like Retch is toast next week. Oh, and Dean gets pushed around some more:
Promo for next week.
In case anyone is wondering where the show got this “stellar” plot, remember that godawful Jasmine storyline from the show Angel?
That’s where they got it.
I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.