Title: Jingle Bells
Author: Paula Stiles (thesnowleopard@hotmail.com)
Series: VOY
Part: NEW 1/1 
Rating: [G]
Codes: K/7


Summary: Ensign Kim tries to teach Seven of Nine "Jingle Bells". Poor guy. When will
he ever learn?

Disclaimer: Paramount owns all the fun Trek stuff in this poem, and God only knows
who wrote the carol. I beg your forgiveness, whoever you are, for mangling your carol
for my own purposes, and for making fun of Paramount (ooh, but it feels so *good*). I
grovel at your feet. There, are your lawyers happy, now?

Archive: Sure--if you ask first.

Originally posted on  alt.startrek.creative on December 11, 1998.





	JINGLE BELLS-WITH ENSIGN KIM AND SEVEN OF NINE


Kim: Okay, Seven. You ready?

Seven: This is utterly pointless.

Kim: Now, come on, Seven. You agreed to do this.

Seven: That does not change my assessment of this exercise.

Kim: Look, just sing after me, okay? (Singing) Dashing through the snow.

Seven (Singing perfectly in key): Accelerating pointlessly through the
accumulation of crystalline H2O structure at minus 2.0365 degrees Celsius (breaks off)
What?

Kim: Uh...nothing. (Singing) In a one-horse open sleigh.

Seven (singing): In an open land vehicle powered by an inefficiently fuel burning,
herbivorous, lower Terran life form.

Kim (a little desperately): O'er the fields we go.

Seven (singing): Over the crop areas left fallow for the cold season we proceed.

Kim (hysterically): Laughing all the way!

Seven (singing): Expressing ourselves in a frivolous and inefficient manner.

Kim (whimpering): Bells on bob-tails ring.

Seven: I am afraid that I will have to run that phrase through the Universal Translator
in order to properly analyze it.

Kim: MAKING SPIRITS BRIGHT.

Seven (singing): Creating a radical change in biochemistry, possibly aided by
mind-altering substances.

Kim (voice cracking): What fun it is to Laugh and Sing A SLEIGHING SONG
TONIGHT!

Seven: That is your opinion. I disagree.

Kim: SE-VEN!

Seven: What?

Kim (sighs): Nothing. Never mind. (Singing) Jingle bells. Jingle bells. Jingle all the
waaaay.

Seven: Is this "Jingle bell" like Red Alert?

Kim: NO!

Seven: Are you certain?

Kim: YES! (Singing) Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.

Seven: Why are we rephrasing the first line of the song?

Kim: We're NOT. We're singing the chorus. (Singing) Jingle bells. Jingle bells.
JINGLE ALL THE WAY. Sing along, will you?

Seven: Why are you repeating yourself?

Kim: Because, IT'S THE CHORUS. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a ONE...HORSE...OP
EN...SLEIGGGGGHHHHHHH! (Stops, panting)

Seven: Ah. Yet another pointless exercise in trying to make me more Human. I must
speak to the Doctor about narrowing the parameters of these experiments. (She walks
off.)

Kim (banging head against bulkhead): There must be easier ways to get a date.
There must be easier ways to get a date. There must be easier ways to get a date.

END