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The Official Supernatural: “ScoobyNatural” (13.16) Live Recap Thread


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My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free. I also get paid if you get it on Kindle Unlimited (for free), read the Kindle version, or lend it to a friend via the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Reviews also help with sales. Just FYI.

In case you’ve been under a rock all day, the show got renewed.

We begin with Dean getting tossed around a shop by a giant, possessed … uh … green dinosaur. Really. We know it’s possessed by something because its eyes keep glowing. Sam jumps into the fray and tackles the dino. As Sam pins it down, Dean pours holy oil on it, then yells at Sam to get out of the way as he tosses a lighter on it. The dinosaur thrashes around, burning, then explodes into a shower of green and white confetti. Just in case you were expecting this to be a serious episode.

As the Brothers get their breath back, the shopkeeper (named Alan) stands up from behind his counter and asks if it’s over. Sam says yes and apologizes for the mess, but Alan heads him off at the guilt pass.

Alan: You guys just took down an evil plushie that was trying to kill me. We’re all good!

Another guy comes in, whom Alan introduces as owning most of the real estate in the general area. The guy is suspicious of the Brothers, but this doesn’t stop Dean from taking Alan up on his offer to give them anything in his store. Dean chooses a large screen color TV, around which he creates a “Dean cave” back at the Bunker, while Sam tries to research how and by what an evil stuff dinosaur could have been possessed.

When Dean shows Sam the Dean Cave, Sam asks how Dean found the time to organize the room. Dean tells him that you just make time, which probably translates to Dean being totally sleepless and wired on something. But let’s not go down that rabbit hole.

When Dean hits the remote on the TV, something strange happens. The same violet light that appeared in the dinosaur’s eyes lights up the TV screen and then flashes out at the Brothers. They disappear …

… and reappear inside a cartoon.

After an initial mutual freak-out, Sam starts to dither a bit more on his own that maybe it’s a dream. Dean slaps him (leaving a literal, if temporary, handprint) and tells him to focus. Sam’s still stuck on whether they’re inside the TV or what. Dean says that maybe it’s an angel thing, or the Trickster.

Sam: But he’s dead.

Dean: Or … is he?

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious.

Dean quickly boils it down to: In order get out, they have to forge on, so when they discover the Impala right next to them (when Sam questions this, Dean suggests it’s because the keys are in his pocket), they get out on the road and drive to the tune of “Dean’s Dirty Organ.”

They soon arrive at a malt shop, which Sam is rather sarcastic about. Dean says they should just pull in, go inside, ask some questions, and get their bearings. But then they see a shocking sight. The Mystery Machine is parked outside. They are inside a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

Cue animated title cards with the title “Scoobynatural.”

[sigh] We’re gonna get a cartoon spin-off now, aren’t we?

The Brothers enter the malt shop and Dean immediately spots the Scooby Gang dancing, while Scooby himself is drinking a series of milkshakes. Dean fanboys, but Sam is more skeptical. Why would Dean care so much? Dean points out that they watched Scooby-Doo their entire childhood. He calls the Scooby Gang “our role models.”

Dean: Just think about it – we do the same thing. We go to spooky places. We solve mysteries. We fight ghosts.

When Sam points out that their ghosts are real and dangerous, and they don’t have a talking dog, Dean compares Castiel to one.

So, the Brothers introduce themselves to the Scooby Gang and try to get through to them that they’re famous. The Scooby Gang respond rather blankly to this, especially Daphne, who acts like a total airhead when Dean hits on her relentlessly right in front of Fred. Actually (spoiler alert), Daphne acts like a total airhead the entire episode and Dean hits on her relentlessly the whole time, and I can’t say I’m wowed by that dynamic at all, even if Dean is up front about his contempt for Fred.

So, the Scoobies are on a case. It seems Scooby-Doo just inherited a fortune from a mysterious Southern colonel (even in a cartoon episode, we just can’t escape the suckage that is Asmodeus). He saved the guy from drowning, but now the Colonel is dead and they’re off to visit his creepy old house. The Scooby Gang senses a mystery.

When Sam grumbles a bit too loudly about this, Dean pulls him aside for a much-needed attitude-adjustment chat. Sam complains that the cartoon world they’re in is so shallow that there isn’t even any print in the newspaper article about the Colonel’s death. Dean reminds him that the last time they ended up inside a TV (“Changing Channels”), they had to play along until they could get back out. So, he’s playing along. Sam reluctantly comes with as Dean easily weasels his way into riding with the Scoobies. But not before some road food involving Shaggy, Scooby – and Dean – eating their signature absolutely enormous sandwiches. Reportedly, this was Jensen Ackles’ favorite bit to voice in the episode.

Outside, Dean challenges Fred to a drag race, which (alas) the Mystery Machine easily wins when Fred beats Dean on the draw. Sam asks Dean why he hates Fred so much and Dean’s response boils down to “He’s perfect.” Oh, Dean.

Sam: Let it go, dude.

Dean [after a moment of apparent defeat]: NO.

At the creepy old mansion, Dean realizes they’re in the episode, “A Night of Fright Is No Delight.” This is a real episode, btw, from season one.

At the reading of the will (which is on a vinyl record), the Colonel tells his various heirs that each one will inherit a million dollars, but only if they can stay the night at his mansion. If any of them leaves, their share will go to the others who don’t. There’s one catch – the house is haunted. The startles Sam and frightens Scooby.

Sam complains that the conditions are ridiculous and can’t possibly be legal, causing Velma to tell him that ghosts don’t exist and these kinds of situations happen all the time. Sam starts to blurt out that sure, they happen inside a cartoon, but Dean stops him. Dean tells Sam that the Scooby Gang are “pure and good,” and the Brothers aren’t going to blow that for them by messing with their minds by telling them they’re inside a cartoon.

Sam grumbles that Dean just wants to get with Daphne. He has a point (Dean’s obsession with Daphne is pretty messed up), but so does Dean. There really isn’t any positive or beneficial point to destroying the Scooby Gang’s sense of their own reality, any more than Sam and Dean can just skip to the end of the story. After all the fantasy worlds they’ve been in, Sam should know that by now, but maybe Dean’s just more of a veteran of this multiple-worlds deal.

The lawyer, Cosgood, tells them he’ll be back in the morning and leaves with a creepy laugh. Dean tells Sam Cosgood is the bad guy of the episode. Sam rolls his eyes. If they watched Scooby-Doo their entire childhoods, shouldn’t Sam have a good chance of remembering this episode, too?

Anyhoo, one of the side characters (an heir) suggests they all turn in at 10pm, which gives Dean the chance to creep on Daphne some more. Sadly, she notes that “girls and boys don’t sleep together” and goes off to sleep with Velma. In the same bed. Oh, the possibilities. But since it’s written by two straight guys who totally didn’t see the #Metoo movement coming, that doesn’t go anywhere.

Dean and Sam have to sleep in the same room as Fred and Scooby (not sure where Shaggy is). As usual, Dean finds perks to their current situation. He loves wearing a nightshirt. Sam is in pajamas. So is Fred.

Meanwhile, the girls are talking about the Brothers. Daphne likes them and Velma thinks Dean is okay, but thinks Sam is an idiot for believing in ghosts. Daphne calls her on this, pointing out that Sam is just Velma’s type, and Velma blushes.

Meanwhile, what looks like a ghost is roaming the halls, cackling. One of the heirs is brushing his teeth when the lights flicker and his breath fogs up. He turns around to see the ghost, which goes after him with a knife while flaring pink light.

Meanwhile, Sam is complaining about Dean eating another sandwich while the others sleep. Dean uses his knowledge of the episode to note that in a minute or so, someone will go missing and “the Scoobies are gonna think that it’s a ghost. But really, it’s the lawyer, Cosgood Creeps, in disguise.” At that moment, they hear a scream. “Toldja,” Dean says.

Everyone runs toward the room from which emit the screams (note: The animation for this episode is better than the rather bare-bones animation of the original; Hanna-Barbera wasn’t known for sparing no expense). Inside the heir’s room, Daphne finds a body soaked in blood. Dean is confused, saying the “dummy bodies don’t show up until later,” but when Sam pulls off the blanket, the heir is really dead, stabbed to death. The Scooby Gang is shocked.

Fred utters the classic Scooby phrase: “Well, gang, it looks like we got another mystery on our hands.” The Brothers are flabbergasted at how cold-blooded the Scooby Gang is about the murder, as the Scoobies stroll off to look for clues, utterly unconcerned by what they’ve just seen.

Dean is confused, saying that nobody ever dies in Scooby-Doo. Sam worries that if the rules have changed so much that a character has died, they can, too. Dean is more worried about Scooby dying: “I’d take a bullet for that dog.”

In the drawing room, Shaggy and Scooby are frightened by the possibility that ghosts really exist, while Fred and Velma pooh-pooh the idea. But as Velma is taking a page from Sherlock Holmes, a creepy figure creeps past the window behind her. The Brothers get into position to ambush it as it opens the window, but Fred grabs it first, throwing it to the ground wrapped in a curtain. When Dean yanks off the curtain, it’s … Castiel.

Startled, the Brothers help him up and Dean introduces him to the Scooby-Gang. Shaggy and Scooby come right up to welcome him, prompting Castiel to note that Scooby talks. Apparently, the show writers forgot that Castiel can talk to animals and doesn’t find it strange in the least.

Dean asks Castiel how he got into the cartoon. There’s a flashback of Castiel returning from Syria with “fruit from the tree of life.” He recounts an amusing tale of killing most of the djinn who were guarding it, before striking up a bargain with the survivors and accidentally marrying their queen.

He entered the room where the cursed TV was, saw the Brothers starting their drag race with the Mystery Machine, saw pink and purple sparks, and was dragged into the cartoon. There’s previously been a creepy figure as the Impala roared away in the drag race. It turns out that was Castiel.

As the Brothers bring Castiel up to speed, Velma listens in, then mocks Sam for his belief in ghosts. Gotta say that even for simplistic cartoon characters, the Scooby Gang are annoyingly broad here, with the exception of Shaggy and Scooby, who are criminally underused so far. The voicework for them is great, though.

Suddenly, there’s a distant roar, the lights flicker, and the room turns cold, scaring Shaggy and Scooby. Cue a montage of lit lamps and flashlights, and ghost hands on window glass, as everyone investigates. The Brothers hear a side character getting sliced and diced inside a room, and investigate. But all the doors in the very long hallway slam shut and when Sam reaches for a doorknob, a ghostly hand slaps his flashlight aside.

Then the ghost makes its appearance. Shaggy and Scooby jump into each other’s and then Castiel’s arms. Fred tackles the ghost twice, which doesn’t help when the ghost disappears into the wall. The Brothers duck. There’s some discussion from Velma about how this couldn’t possibly be a ghost, then they all open the door to the room and find a side character ripped apart inside, with half of him tied to the ceiling. Dean nearly throws up. The Scooby Gang walks off, totally unfazed.

Sam asks Dean if the Scooby Gang is always this cold-blooded about dead bodies, but Dean is more concerned about the obvious signs of a real haunting. He thinks the cartoon itself is haunted.

Back downstairs, Fred’s plan is for everyone to split up and “go looking for clues.” The Brothers and Castiel think this is a terrible idea and Sam tries to tell the Scooby Gang that he and Dean can’t protect them if they do that. Velma calls Sam “chicken.”

They compromise on Dean going with Daphne (and, unwillingly, Fred), Velma off with Sam, and Castiel guarding Shaggy and Scooby. Up in the attic, Velma both insults and hits on Sam something heavy. Sam tries to give her The Talk, but Velma will have none of it, not even when they find a chest of possessed toys, covered with ectoplasm, that attack them and drive them out of the attic.

[will finish this tomorrow night]

[Back. Sorry, but I just got 12 trees from the Arbor Day Foundation and the only time I have to plant them as they merrily sprout from twigs is after I get home at dusk. It’s been kind of a busy week.]

Anyhoo, in the library, Dean is hitting on Daphne again and asking her what she likes in a man. She says the usual and then adds “an ascot,” which leaves Dean rather taken aback. Not lovin’ this subplot at all, but I do like when Dean notices a book standing out from the bookshelf (all the other books are painted on the background) and calls this to the attention of Daphne and Fred, who are dismissive about it, at least until a trapdoor appears underneath them and throws them down a long, twisty shaft to a cellar. There, in the dark, Dean thinks he’s talking to Daphne, but it turns out to be the ghost, who chases them.

But then, the ghost is also stalking Scooby, Shaggy and Castiel upstairs. And while I don’t mind at all that Castiel is in this story, why have Scooby and Shaggy been relegated to comic relief with Castiel when Scooby’s the actual star of the show? Why all the focus on Fred, Daphne and Velma, who are boring twits because they are the straight-man supporting characters? There’s not enough Scooby and Shaggy in this episode.

Scooby and Shaggy are frightened by the ghost and run from him. Castiel isn’t, at first, but when Scooby and Shaggy grab him, he’s suddenly telling them to run (cartoon logic, I tell ya).

Cue the classic Scooby-Doo theme song (finally), which involves lots of the old running-around gag (Scrappy-Doo even pops up during a run down the hallway through different doors, though the gag is mercifully brief), and Dean alternately protecting and hitting on a clueless Daphne. Think she’s more in danger from him than from the ghost, though she’s kinda into it toward the end of the montage.

The song ends with their boarding up all the doors and tumbling back into the drawing room. But the ghost busts through and tosses the Scooby Gang all over the place. Poor Shaggy even gets defenestrated, though Scooby goes after him and Castiel saves them both. Sam grabs some iron candlesticks, and he and Dean drive off the ghost.

Fred gets a bloody nose and Shaggy breaks his arm, which shocks the Scoobies to no end. Sam’s suggestion to Dean that they give the Scoobies The Talk backfires as the Scoobies totally freak out and turn on each other (Shaggy is especially bitter). Dean is forced to give them a rousing pep talk about how they are “heroes” and have beaten many a bad guy before. They can do this.

They’re game, but Velma points out that the Scoobies know nothing about real ghosts. Sam says that’s okay. And he and Dean show them the Impala’s trunk. Dean is a little horrified, saying giving salt guns and other such weapons to the Scoobies is a “Scooby-don’t.” But Fred finally wins Dean’s admiration when he says that “we have to do something” and that they can help.

Putting a hand on Fred’s shoulder and swearing for only the second time in the episode (at least in the cartoon world,” Dean says, “You’re fucking right you can.”

Cue Fred setting an elaborate, Goldbergian trap in the drawing room. The trap doesn’t quite work as planned. When Scooby, Shaggy and Castiel act as bait, they get the ghost after them, but accidentally get stuck in the trap. But Dean has a Plan B (“Fred’s plans never work”), which involves the ghost chasing the other Scoobies before being distracted by a book-pelting Scooby, who weighs the ghost down with some books and sends it down the trap door.

The ghost finds itself trapped inside a line of salt (there’s a neat effect of the barrier as it thrashes around inside it that the show usually can’t afford to do). After the Brothers and Castiel inform it that it’s trapped, it finally reveals its true form and identity. It’s a little boy. His soul was attached to a pocketknife, which the creepy neighbor guy of the pawn shop owner got hold of. The guy has been using it to force everyone in the area to sell their shops to him for cheap. That’s why he owns almost everything there. It’s why he compelled the ghost to attack Alan, the pawn shop owner, with the green Barney dinosaur plushie.

The ghost is happy to send them back to the real world after they promise to release it once they get there. But first, Dean asks a favor of it. The Scooby Gang is totally freaked out, so the ghost pretends to be Cosgood and the Scooby Gang reveal him. Castiel heals Shaggy on the sly, Velma acts all smug and then kisses Sam, and Dean says a goodbye to Daphne that she promptly forgets as she runs after Fred and the others leave. Then the ghost reappears, and the Brothers and Castiel are sent back to the real world.

At this point, even Sam is willing to admit that they just had a “cool” experience. Dean agrees, though much more enthusiastically, but quickly gets back down to business. He goes out and returns with a blowtorch and a sledgehammer. Smashing the TV, he finds the pocketknife. The little boy ghost reappears and asks if he will be with his beloved father now. The Brothers are gentle with him as Sam torches the pocketknife. The little boy’s ghost disappears in a puff of white light and smoke up to Heaven.

At the shop, Alan is about to sign away his business to Creepy Real Estate Guy (Jay). Fortunately, the Brothers show up with Castiel, Dean wearing an ascot. Sam and Castiel lay out the plan – he used the ghost to scare off all the local business people so he could buy up their property cheap. CREG tries to claim they can’t prove anything about a ghost. Sam agrees, which is why they hacked his accounts and found out he doesn’t pay his taxes.

As they watch him get put into the car, Sam realizes, “Velma was right. It was a shady real estate developer, after all.”

CREG [as he’s being put in the car]: It’s not fair! I’d have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids! [since when are Dean and Sam still kids? Let alone Castiel?]

Dean: [gasp!] He said it! He said the line! [looks straight at the camera] Scooby-Dooby-Doooooooo! [Sam and Castiel walk away in disgust]

Castiel: Dean, you’re not a talking dog.

Credits are in a different font this week and there’s a new theme song.


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The Official Supernatural: “Good Intentions” (13.14) Live Recap Thread


We need your help!

Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.

My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free. I also get paid if you get it on Kindle Unlimited (for free), read the Kindle version, or lend it to a friend via the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Just FYI.

Whoo, the title to this one was so boring, I kept having to look it up to remember it. Let’s get cracking.

Recap of the Donatello storyline, which does not bode too well for Donatello. Sorry, Mr. Redshirt Prophet. I’m gonna miss you, Keith.

Cut to Jack, who wakes up in the Bunker to hear the Brothers talking about how glad they are to have him back. Then the alarm goes off and smoke comes through the grate in the bottom of the door. He rushes out into the corridor to find that Sam and Dean are trapped inside a room and calling for help. He tries to use his power to break through the door, but he can’t get it open as they plead for their lives.

I’m sure it’s a surprise to no one watching this that it’s a mind game (am getting tired of the whole “Let’s make the protagonists look like fools” trope. It’s greatly overused of late). The only twist is that it’s alt-Zachariah doing some kind of mind control thing on Jack to get him to use his powers to make an interdimensional rift at alt-Michael’s behest. Alt-Michael tells Zachariah to hurry up and get it done, and Zachariah thinks he knows a way to do it. No, sadly, we do not get Kurt Fuller back.

Cue title cards.

Donatello is working on the Demon Tablet, writing down words and phrases: “blood,” “symbols,” “danger,” “open the tear into worlds,” “all will burn,” “the born one.” Comforting messages like that, while distorted voices that kind of sound like Sam and Dean harangue him.

Castiel knocks on the door and asks to come in. He brings breakfast and asks if Donatello is all right. Donatello says sure (as he hides something under a paper), but does comment that the tablet has a lot of power. He also says he’s “making progress.” As soon as Castiel leaves, Donatello uncovers the paper and keeps working on it.

In the kitchen, Dean is eating a plate-ful of bacon, while Sam kvetches. Business as usual on that end.

Dean: Dude, if bacon’s what kills me, I win.

He’s got a point.

So, Castiel comes in and we finally get what the plan was last week – they were going to tap some of Lucifer’s archangel grace for their spell. Okay, whatev.

Meanwhile, Jack finds himself on a misty beach near Vancouver. “Castiel” shows up and says he wanted to show Jack the world before it was ruined by humans. Except, like Apocalypse World has been “saved” by angels and look how that turned out. Hmm. “Castiel” claims that Jack has to use his powers to “save us all,” that Sam and Dean taught Jack to “fear” his powers.

Jack finally buys a clue from Vanna and realized this isn’t Castiel. He wakes up in the grody old church that is alt-Michael’s hideout. Losing patience, alt-Michael tosses Jack and alt-Zachariah into respective corners and then grabs Jack for “my way.” Because that’s been working so well so far.

Back to Donatello, who is writing down “between our world” and “mix thoroughly.” He looks squirrely and then we see him running through the halls into the kitchen with a piece of paper, yelling “Eureka!”

Sam looks at the paper. One surprise is that they have most of the ingredients. Another is that they don’t need archangel grace for this particular spell (Donatello looks shifty at this – hmm). A third is what they do need – “the hearts of Gog and Magog.”

Castiel says he’s “heard rumors,” but didn’t realize Gog and Magog were actual people. Donatello says they were warriors who had “enslaved half the Fertile Crescent” before being locked away beyond space and time. Castiel offers to go fight them and Dean says he’ll come with. As Castiel looks suspicious, Donatello too-cheerfully says he and Sam can stay behind to find the ingredients. I’m sure this will end well.

Cut to Jack getting dragged through a hallway. Remember Dean getting dragged through the angels in season nine premiere, “I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here”? They rip that off. Poorly. Alt-Michael apparently needs a lantern to light his way as he drags Jack to a cell where he tosses him in. There, Jack finds Mary.

To her credit, Mary quickly figures out who Jack is when she hears his name. She tells him she was present at his birth. She’s also relieved to hear her sons aren’t in Apocalypse World.

Jack admits that Michael got inside his head and made him do things. Mary tells him she saw Michael’s grand plan when he got inside her head – he’s going to bring an army to the SPNverse (in other words, alt-Michael is a Bond Villain: Evil Overlord Variant). She explains to Jack that alt-Michael will hurt her to make Jack do what he wants. We also find out from the dialogue that it’s currently six months after Jack’s birth at the end of last season.

As they gear up to go, Dean asks Castiel how he’s doing. Castiel frets that he was brought back for a reason (Dean tells him Jack brought him back and Castiel looks a bit shifty, but doesn’t mention the Empty Entity), but so far, he’s failing Jack, that Michael (he doesn’t specify which one) is all about making war. Dean gives him a pep talk about how they will power through and off they go.

Meanwhile, Sam and Donatello are gathering ingredients, while Donatello runs through a series of Untrustworthy Expressions behind Sam’s back.

In a clearing in a forest in Vancouver, probably somewhere in Stanley Park, Dean and Castiel talk strategy. Castiel says that Donatello said Gog and Magog could only be killed “by a weapon touched by God” and promptly hands Dean an angel blade. Dean casually takes it (remember when angel blades were rare and awe-inspiring? Kinda miss those days) and Castiel does a summoning in Enochian, no spellwork.

At first, nothing happens and Dean gets sassy about Castiel’s Enochian pronunciation. Castiel is snippy in response, which causes Dean to roll his eyes.

Gog and Magog show up (behind Dean and Castiel, of course), making the earth shake with each step. They look more like Vikings than guys from Ancient Mesopotamia and they’re wearing leather diapers. Dean snickers to Castiel that they’re wearing loinclothes. No, man, those are diapers (which Dean finally acknowledges).

Meanwhile, Gog and Magog are commenting in Ancient Canaanite (more or less) on how “pretty” their latest adversaries are. They finally decide which one to attack. One goes after Castiel and the other after Dean.

Dean gets his angel blade shattered by a sword early on. When he yells to Castiel (who is getting tossed to the ground) about what to do next, Castiel shouts back that they can only be killed by weapons “forged by God,” which is different from what he said before.

Dean gets his guy into a headlock, but then gets flipped over. He avoids a sword cut, manages to get hold of Gog (think it’s Gog)’s sword and beheads him with it. Magog is about to make short work of Castiel when Dean stabs him from behind.

Dean [grumpily]: Forged by God; touched by God” – same thing.

But they run into a snag when Castiel goes to retrieve Magog’s heart and finds only sand. It turns out Gog and Magog are not human at all but magical constructs from before the Flood. They have no hearts. The thlot pickens.

Meanwhile, Mary is trying to get Jack to let alt-Michael kill her rather than open the door to the SPNverse. Jack insists he can save them both, but his powers keep going wonky and his head hurts. Mary admits her head hurts, too. She thought it was the torture, but now she wonders if it’s because the angel warding is so strong that even humans can feel it. She finds a place in the cell (conveniently near the only window) where she doesn’t have so much of headache and guesses that’s where the warding is weakest. Jack starts working on breaking through the window.

Back at the Bunker, Donatello is stalking an apparently oblivious Sam, who doesn’t hear a warning call on his cell from Dean. Donatello then smacks Sam in the head with a bottle and keeps on smacking.

So, alt-Michael is, to put it mildly, unhappy about Jack and Mary’s jailbreak. He orders Zachariah to go get Jack back, kill Mary in front of Jack (slowly), and not fail him again.

Meanwhile, Jack and Mary are running around the Apocalypse World set at night, trying to avoid anything on two legs. They quickly get rousted by alt-Bobby. He recognizes her as Mary Campbell and thinks she’s a ghost at first. She mentions Dean and Sam (in that order) and alt-Bobby remembers them. Jack is introduced as “a friend of the family.”

Back at the Bunker, Dean and Castiel arrive to find the place a bit trashed and Sam nursing a large welt on his head. He has a raving Donatello on lockdown in their dungeon. Castiel explains about how Gog and Magog didn’t have hearts, which means the spell was fake – Donatello was trying to send them to their deaths.

Alt-Bobby takes Mary and Jack to his camp and explains that the angels are systematically exterminating humans. As they bond over coffee spiked with whiskey (and Jack does puppet theater for a bunch of kids), alt-Bobby spells out that Mary of his world never made her demon deal, so John didn’t come back from the dead and she never had Dean and Sam (that order again). She says they saved her world. Alt-Bobby says he didn’t go back with them because he’s about the only thing his world has to save it.

He is rather less thrilled, however, when Mary admits that Jack is a Naphil, and insists Jack be out of the camp by dawn. Even when Mary says she’d leave, too, alt-Bobby insists that the angels turned on humans, despite initially seeming to be their allies, and Jack will, too.

Fortunately for Jack, the angels attack in the morning, apparently attracted by Jack using magic in his shadow puppets the night before. Mary tells Jack to run and gets a mission from a grumpy alt-Bobby to rescue as many kids as she can. Jack is running when he hears children screaming and goes back to help.

Meanwhile, Mary has been caught out by Zachariah, who is about to kill her when Jack shows up. Jack kills him, instead, then foils another attack by angels (not impressed by the whole fireball thing instead of wings) by blasting them out of the sky, saving the whole camp. Alt-Bobby is properly impressed.

Yeah, I kinda figured early on that Mary would end up a Mother figure to Jack.

Back at the Bunker, the Brothers try to interrogate Donatello, who cackles that he’s translated the entire Demon Tablet (didn’t Kevin already do that years ago? Why does it need to be translated again?), then does a suffocation spell on Dean. Dean’s okay once Sam gets him out into the corridor (just as a worried Castiel, who was watching on a monitor, shows up), but Donatello is clearly cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

TFW tries to figure out what went wrong with Donatello. Castiel insists that Prophets can’t be corrupted by the Tablets. They’re only “conduits” of God’s power. Sam then points out that Donatello no longer has his soul (this didn’t come up before?) and Castiel speculates that without the “filter” of the soul, Donatello was corrupted.

There’s then a flurry of discussion. Sam gets mopey and says they can never get Donatello’s soul back because Amara “ate” it. Dean doesn’t exactly contradict him, even though Amara told him once that all of the souls she ate still existed inside her, apparently as intact souls. So, theoretically, it’s just a case of ringing her up and persuading her to give it back, which, theoretically, Dean could do.

But this doesn’t happen. Instead, Castiel suggests putting Donatello down. That way, another Prophet will come into existence and they can use him/her to finish reading the Tablet. The Brothers aren’t thrilled by this idea, but they aren’t quite fast enough (okay, they don’t exactly rush) to stop him from going into the dungeon and forcibly stripping the spell from Donatello’s mind. It’s pretty clear he does this in large part because Donatello hurt Dean. Afterward, he seems odd and one wonders if he absorbed some of Donatello’s “corruption.”

Donatello isn’t dead, per se, but his mind is wiped and the Brothers are forced to leave him at a nearby hospital in a coma. Castiel tells them that Donatello was working for Asmodeus and that “some people can’t be saved.” Dean still calls him out on it, though Castiel justifies it as necessary because they are at war.

Castiel then gives them the ingredients for the spell: “the blood of an archangel, a fruit from the Tree of Life, the Seal of Solomon, and the blood of ‘a most holy man.'”

The episode closes on Dean’s thoughtful face as Castiel says, “It’s like you said, Dean, ‘Whatever it takes.'”

Credits


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The Official Supernatural: “Devil’s Bargain” (13.13) Live Recap Thread


We need your help!

Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.

My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free. I also get paid if you get it on Kindle Unlimited (for free), read the Kindle version, or lend it to a friend via the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Just FYI.

Yeah, I know. I’ve been putting this off. What can I say? The Nep Duo eps are a huge snore for me.

Starting now.

Boring recap of the Nep Duo storyline so far this season reminding why I’m finding it so tedious. You’d have thought the show could have found somebody more competent to do episode 13 of season 13.

Cut to Now. Castiel is staggering through the woods, bleeding, yelling Lucifer’s name. He passes out and is found the next morning by two pubescent budding serial killers who gloat over finding a dead body – until he wakes up and scares them off.

He goes back to that creepy old mental hospital the show’s been filming since … oh … “The End” in season five, at least, but no Lucifer.

Nope, Lucifer is stalking some poor Cupid, who’s just trying to pair up a young woman on roller skates with a guy who drops a wedding cake to catch her. Lucifer rewards the poor guy by stealing his grace, interrogating him about finding more angels, and then killing him basically for kicks. Lucifer does realize that said angel now has a soul and will go to Heaven, where he can be interrogated by other angels, right (that was the storyline for Castiel)? And that (also per Castiel’s lost grace storyline) this stolen grace will only burn away inside him and eventually kill him, right?

Oh, but wait. It’s the Nep Duo. They don’t do tedious things like check up on canon before writing their dreck.

Also, is anyone else totally over Lucifer by now? I mean, completely for the duration of the show?

Cue title cards.

Oh, hey, look, the show’s actual protagonists. Dean is talking to Castiel, who has turned up at the Bunker and is filling Dean in on his kidnapping. Don’t get me started on how dumb it was for the Brothers not to check up on Castiel and find this out for themselves.

Sam is freaked out by the news that Lucifer is back in town, even depowered. It’s probably also not the wisest thing for Castiel to get so detailed about alt-Michael’s threat to the SPNverse, considering Dean is right there. Sam asks about Mary. Castiel confirms that Lucifer said she was still alive.

Cut to Lucifer having some after-effects from his grace meal. Gee, consequences for that? Do tell. But mostly this is just an excuse for the writers to engage in more tasteless homeless person jokes. Yay.

Also, once again, what the hell happened to Lucifer using his wings to fly anywhere he wants in the world in nanoseconds? Instead, we have Lucifer feeling hungry (um … why?) and begging for money because he can’t just fly into a burger joint and out with a dozen burgers before anyone notices – oh, wait. He can.

Another homeless guy takes him dumpster diving and tells him about a healer named Sister Jo. Lucifer starts to get an evil idea, which means she is probably an angel.

Meanwhile, two characters I have even less interest in (Asmodeus and Ketch) are discussing Lucifer’s escape. Ketch twits Asmodeus a bit about how he was out of town and Asmodeus hedges that it was super-duper important then doesn’t kill Ketch. Instead, he tasks Ketch with killing Lucifer while Lucifer is still weak because apparently, we can kill archangels while they are lacking a bit of grace. How does that work, exactly, when Chuck said in season 11 that archangels are fundamentally different even from angels?

Dean apologizes to Castiel for not realizing he’d been captured. Castiel admits that getting captured was on him (and that he knows Dean would have done something crazy to try to break him out if he’d known), and angsts about Jack and Mary. Good times.

Sam comes back from wherever he was with Donatello in tow. Dean lays out his plan to get Jack and Mary back, and then slam the door before alt-Michael can get through. Then they show Donatello the Demon Tablet which, as a Prophet, Donatello might be able to read, even though his talents are kinda different from Kevin’s. Donatello asks for chicken wings.

Cut to a woman (Danneel Ackles’ character) in a church. She is taking money from an older woman with a walker and then heals her with white light. Yup. Angel. She does this to a bunch of other paying customers, too. This is Sister Jo.

As Castiel and the Brothers find out about the dead Cupid (and Castiel identifies him as an angel), and worry Lucifer might get his mojo back, Lucifer has appeared in the crowd waiting to be healed by Sister Jo. After the session ends and the humans leave, Lucifer approaches her and calls her “Amael.” Yup. An angel. Unimpressed, Sister Jo/Amael easily identifies him as Lucifer, but she’s not scared or repulsed as the other angels have been in the past.

Amael explains that after the angels fell and the others were scrambling to find “housing” (vessels), she was more systematic in her search. She found a woman who was praying for her husband to be healed and they made a deal – the woman became Amael’s vessel in exchange for healing her husband. She was, as Amael puts it, extremely “grateful.” Amael realized that she could live comfortably on humans’ desperation for healing and longer life, and that she was actually a much better “businesswoman” than she had been an angel.

We find out how good a businesswoman she is when Lucifer pulls out his sword and goes after her. She points out that if he gives her “time to recharge” (implying that he will eventually recharge on his own, himself), he can take a little grace from her at a time. He helps her and she helps him. Lucifer looks intrigued.

Back to Sam, Dean and Castiel (bet you forgot all about them, eh?). Sam is casing the neighborhood and runs into the homeless guy who told Lucifer about Sister Jo. He also tells Sam about her, and that he told Lucifer about her. Hey, Sam, maybe get Castiel to heal this guy as a reward? No?

Anyhoo, back at the church (so much friggin’ jumping around), Lucifer is feeding off Sister Jo’s grace in a highly sexualized and vampiric way that is well within the Nep Duo’s usual wheelhouse of tone-deafness. Yuck. So, afterward, Sister Jo has to point out to him, using small words, that his killing of the poor Doomed Teaser Cupid was broadcast all over Angel Radio. Apparently, in addition to losing his grace, Lucifer has lost a few IQ points, because he didn’t figure that one out on his own.

Sure enough, guess who shows up at Sister Jo’s chapel? And all three are armed with angel swords. But when Castiel kicks in the door, all they find is … Ketch.

Ketch appeared to be ready to throw something, but doesn’t elaborate about what. Dean cuts to the chase and demands to know what Ketch is doing there. Ketch protests his innocence, but nobody’s impressed, and for once, Sam and Castiel waste no time backing Dean up, demanding instead to know whom Ketch is working for. None of TFW believes Ketch is just freelancing around the countryside, doing Good. So, Ketch tries to join up with the team.

Instead, after an exchange of disgusted glances, Castiel puts him to sleep, they dump him in the Impala’s trunk, and Dean sketches out a plan to bring him back to the Bunker, interrogate him, kill him, and dispose of his body really, really well. Castiel really likes this plan. So do I, so I’m sure it won’t happen now.

There is also a fly in the ointment. Sam has just found some video of Sister Jo healing people and Castiel immediately recognizes her as Amael. But if Lucifer killed her, too, where’s her body?

As they drive home, Sam gets an alert on his phone (he tapped into Sister Jo’s financials) that she just used her credit card. Hmm, seems she might be alive.

Ooops, here comes another highly sexualized scene of Lucifer feeding on Amael that reminds me (not fondly) of Sam feeding off Ruby’s demon blood. Ugh.

Afterward, Amael tells Lucifer that whenever she’s almost completely drained of grace, she experiences human emotions. Lucifer says he experienced them, too, but didn’t like them. Amael feels a bit differently. In Heaven, she received souls and that’s all she did. A soul would arrive, she would “push a button,” and the soul would be counted. She wanted to do other things, to “fix Heaven,” but none of the higher-ups would listen to her and only sent her back to her job. Gee, I guess the Nep Duo missed watching the episodes in seasons four and five when angels who so much as questioned things got brainwashed and/or turned into cinders.

Anyhoo, Amael doesn’t mind being fallen. Lucifer does and whines about being a daddy. The show continues to ignore that consuming angel grace that isn’t the angel’s is unhealthy for the angel doing the consuming.

Meanwhile, Asmodeus (yes, I know you didn’t miss him) gets news from a demon minion that they’ve found Donatello. Really? When did Asmodeus lose him?

Cut to Castiel accosting Donatello outside a chicken wings place to have a chat. You gotta love a show where you have to worry about the good guys’ intentions even more than the bad guys’.

Anyhoo, Castiel asks Donatello about his progress on the Demon Tablet (didn’t Kevin translate that thing a while back? What new info could it have?) and Donatello says he thinks he’s found a spell to get to the alt-SPNverse. Now why the Demon Tablet would have this sort of thing remains unexplained. Like … not even addressed.

So, Castiel is not really Castiel. He’s actually Asmodeus pretending to be Castiel. And he does some kind of forgetting spell on Donatello that we’ve never seen demons do before, just angels (because LOL!Canon, that’s why), while compelling him to tell him everything about said spell as he finds it out. Because I’m sure this won’t backfire on this pathetic character in any way.

As Donatello leaves, Colonel Sanders – sorry, Asmodeus – grabs one of his chicken wings, sniffs it, and tosses it away in disgust. I’ll bet the Nepotism Duo thought this would be some cute and gently mocking shout-out to the rather loud and negative fan reaction to the character, which just goes to show how clueless these two are.

Meanwhile, TFW (with Ketch still apparently in the trunk) is casing the motel where Amael and Lucifer are. Sam draws Amael out by calling the room and saying her credit card was declined. Once outside, TFW meets with her and establishes she is alive.

Amael is … economical … with the truth. She claims to be scared of Lucifer and that he wants her grace. She does give him up, though, saying he is in the motel room and is still weak. So, TFW goes in, assuming she’s with them, which is too bad. Up to this point, they’ve been smart and there’s nothing smart about trusting Sister Jo, especially once they find out she’s alive and unharmed by Lucifer. One would think they’d at least consider her loyalties iffy.

Lucifer’s indeed inside the room, reading the Bible (not as fun as it sounds, unfortunately). Amael tries to warn him when she knocks on the door by calling him “Lord Lucifer,” but as I said before, he’s pretty clueless. He’s therefore apparently surprised when TFW appear in the doorway when he opens it.

A standoff ensues because really, what does TFW have to take Lucifer down, even if he’s weak? No, seriously, what was the plan here? Sam tries to shoo Amael out the door while Lucifer tries to talk his way into a better strategic position for reasons that, frankly, escape me if he’s, you know, no longer as weak as he was.

So, then Amael breaks the standoff by literally breaking up TFW with TK. Except that she should be too weak to do that, having been drained not too long ago by Lucifer to, by her own admission, almost the point of humanity. So, she and Lucifer toss TFW around and Lucifer tortures them a bit, even as Amael is telling him to run for reasons that escape me and probably a good portion of the audience. If Lucifer’s stronger than they thought, why is he running again? And if he’s still unable to kill them thanks to what Chuck did to him in season 11, now would be an excellent time to bring that up again and spell it out, since the show spells out plenty of things it really doesn’t need to.

Ketch then suddenly appears in the doorway with something in his hand. Fortunately for Lucifer (as Amael runs to his side to protect or hide behind him or something), Ketch pauses dramatically in the doorway, which is plenty of time for even a being of Lucifer’s currently limited intellect to remember he has wings and fly away to some forest with Amael. Even so, once they get there, she still has to point out to him that there is a place, not on earth, they can still go – Heaven. And to think he thinks he’s going to meet up with his son and take over the world. Yikes.

Back in the motel room, Ketch is whining (again) that he just saved the Brothers’ lives and Dean reams him out for taking too long to toss the bomb. Ketch claims it was a demon grenade or something that he found in their trunk while escaping, so it wouldn’t have actually killed Lucifer, anyway. Which again begs the question of why he ran (or flew, if you prefer). If you were holding out a faint hope that this was part of some big plan between Ketch and TFW, sorry.

A pretty awkward discussion ensues as Ketch tries to fend off his impending execution by confessing he’s working for Asmodeus and offering to be a double (or triple) agent for TFW. To their credit, they laugh in his face, pointing out that admitting something they kinda suspected already about him doesn’t exactly make them trust him. Ketch then claims that Lucifer out and about is not something even he wants to see (certainly, his erstwhile demon boss doesn’t), let alone whatever is going on with alt-Michael. TFW looks uncomfortable, since they’re probably going to have to work with him now, even though they can see all the big, red “Danger, Will Robinson!” signs surrounding this idea.

Meanwhile, Lucifer is at that stupid angel gate in the playground, talking his way into becoming the ruler of Heaven by offering them the thing that they desperately want the most – to make new angels – and the other thing they want most – to give them their wings back. Even more reluctantly than TFW letting Ketch cozy up to them, the angels take him on board. I’m sure this will end well. I’m also pretty sure that Lucifer is lying about being able to make new angels, or at least that there is a catch.

Near the end (because we have to have multiple codas), TFW is sitting around the table, discussing whether or not they can trust Ketch (the consensus is “No, but we have no choice. For now”). Donatello is doing something weird with peeling the batter off his chicken wings, which I guess is supposed to be a sign of Asmodeus’ meddling with his mind. Dean is cleaning his guns and Donatello has a freak-out when Sam tries to give him a pep talk. Good times. Great mental health all round.

Up in Heaven, the angels are reluctantly kneeling to a smug Lucifer on his throne, with Amael as his main advisor. He’s going to need her, what with that lobotomy the writers have given him.

Meanwhile, Ketch is claiming to Asmodeus that he could have killed Lucifer, but just missed him (yeah, right). Asmodeus whines that they need to dispatch Lucifer as soon as possible (a feat no one has been able to manage for over 14 billion years, mind you), especially since TFW will try to use him to open the gate to the alt-SPNverse. Except that’s not what they’ve been trying to do. They’ve actually been trying to banish him back to the Cage. But let’s not confuse the Nepotism Duo with facts. We’re almost near the end of the episode, thank God.

Through this cloud of misguided hubris, Asmodeus has two final plot coupons – sorry, surprises – to deliver before we reach the credits, though. He’s found an archangel blade (and oh, look, it looks nothing whatsoever like the blades we’ve seen the archangels use, including on each other). When Ketch points out that even with an archangel blade, you need an archangel to wield it, Asmodeus shows him that he has Gabriel prisoner, with his mouth stitched shut. I’m sure that won’t end badly for Asmodeus, or anything.

Credits


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The Official Supernatural: “Various and Sundry Villains” (13.12) Live Recap Thread


We need your help!

Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.

My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free. I also get paid if you get it on Kindle Unlimited (for free), read the Kindle version, or lend it to a friend via the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Just FYI.

Starting now.

Then recap of “Regarding Dean” last season and then bringing us up to speed with Lucifer’s depowering subplot this season. I sure hope the last time we see Asmodeus this week is in the recap because bleah.

Cut to Now on I-135 Just North of Wichita, KS. A guy named Dale walks into a liquor store and exchanges grunts with the store clerk (indicating they know each other). He sees two blondes giggling in the security camera and goes over to investigate. They are, of course, pretty blondes. And once one of them slips a hex bag in his coat pocket while the other one says a spell in Latin, he immediately falls in love.

They then ask him where Lebanon, KS is (he says he’s never heard of it, which seems unlikely) and then they con him into robbing the liquor store and giving them all the money and booze. He also kills the clerk, Marty.

When he comes out, they brain him with a sledgehammer, because their mother always told them to make deaths “look non-magical” so as to avoid attracting the attention of Hunters. Which is fortunate, since these two girls don’t look as though they’ve got a lot going on upstairs, in addition to being spree-killer witches. Also, the actresses are overdoing it just a tad.

Cue title cards.

Sam’s working at a table in the Bunker. Dean walks in from another room with some books from the MoL library he’s found on otherworldly dimensions. He struggles with one called “Jour et Nuit,” despite having no trouble with the Latin titles of the others, and Sam has to tell him it’s French and pronounce it correctly. Either this is bad writing or the show’s portraying Sam as pretty naive here, since Dean wouldn’t have been able to determine that any of these books were about otherworldly dimensions unless, y’know, he could read Latin and French (and we already know he can read Latin). Which means he’s just messing with Sam to get Sam to look through the books for a way to find Jack so that he can go out on a beer run.

Oh, and by the way, Sam is still in full-on Negative Nelly mode. Because it’s halfway through the season and reasons.

There is also a brief discussion about how “Castiel” checks in every day, as we see Castiel in prison, being taunted by one of Asmodeus’ demons. The demon (named “Dipper” for Idon’tcarewhatreason) also taunts Lucifer, who is annoyed that his jail cell is too warded for him to escape. For the moment. Boy, demons sure are stupid on this show, aren’t they?

After the demon leaves, Castiel mocks Lucifer (because Colonel Sanders – sorry, Asmodeus – is so “smart” that he allowed his two captive angels to be in adjoining cells so they could plot their escape) and Lucifer tries to get Castiel to give him some of his grace so they can both escape. Castiel’s not buying it, not even when Lucifer brings up his own grace-eating days. Castiel also mocks Lucifer when Lucifer calls Asmodeus his “weakest creation,” even after admitting that Asmodeus managed to learn shapeshifting/illusion on his own. Castiel wonders aloud that if Lucifer is being imprisoned by his weakest creation, what does that make him?

Dean is returning from his beer run when he encounters the witches from the teaser in the parking lot (they sure do hang around liquor stores a lot). One sister is screaming for help for the other sister, then slips a hex bag in his coat pocket when he leans over the other sister to help and says the Latin words (“Aegrota amore”) again. As with Dale, Dean’s eyes glow pink and he becomes putty in the women’s hands, kissing the “injured” sister at the first one’s suggestion.

It turns out they know his name and were looking for him. Being under the spell, Dean does not see this as odd.

Sam greets Dean as he comes back into the Bunker. Dean is giddy and “twitter-pated” (his own words). He talks about being in love and would be charmingly goofy if the show weren’t playing what is basically roofie-rape for laughs. Sam starts to realize this is not one of Dean’s usual volatile moods when Dean takes out the Black Grimoire and starts to walk out with it, declaring that it’s a “gift” for his new lady-love, Jamie.

I gotta give Sam credit here for twigging very quickly something’s wrong and trying to handle Dean with kid gloves (since Dean, already volatile, can be extremely dangerous under a spell of compulsion like this). He mentions Becky and the love spell, but Dean starts to turn scary, all while smiling and sunny and basically channeling Clayne Crawford in Lethal Weapon (no, really; Ackles gets him just about dead-on). Sam manages to snag the keys, so Dean says he’ll just walk. Sam tries to grab his arm, and that’s when Dean whips around and cold-cocks him. Knocks him right out. He does say to an unconscious Sam as he walks off that he will give him an ice pack after he returns. Not even the strongest love spell seems capable of subsuming his brotherly instincts.

I have to laugh at the people who are complaining and wondering since when has Dean been stronger than Sam? Um, I dunno, since always? The only time Sam was able to beat Dean was when he was drunk on demon blood and Dean didn’t want to fight him in “When the Levee Breaks.” In fact, it was a major plot point that Sam was able to beat Dean under those circumstances when he never could, otherwise.

The other thing is that it’s never been fully resolved how fully human Dean remains after a year in Purgatory and having the MoC. Chuck did say that Dean would be forever “tainted” by it and Dean did retain abilities specific to Amara in season 11. And we know Dean is still able to do things like fight multiple demons at once, which ought to be beyond human capacity.

Dean arrives back at the parking lot with the book. The sisters are smiling, though one of the girls grumps that they wanted the Impala, too (no shocker that was a no-go for Dean, even under compulsion). They were just discussing in Valley-speak whether to “make the call” and the younger one says she won’t. They’re just going to use the book for their own purposes and not call whomever they apparently stole it for.

They are about to brain Dean with the sledgehammer when Sam shows up in the Impala and comes out, gun drawn. But Dean attacks him and knocks him over as Sam tries to get the hex bag out (having figured out the situation pretty quickly, despite his concussion).

Then the sisters do a very, very stupid thing for which I lose all respect for them as villains – they just drive away. They don’t try to kill the Brothers. They just leave.

Anyhoo, Sam gets the hex bag out (it’s pink, of course), but before he can burn it, Dean starts to choke him out, while apologizing. But then the bag burns and the spell breaks in a pink flash. And Rowena shows up.

Cut back to Lucifer (because sure, now that Rowena’s back from the dead, what I wanted to see was more played-out Lucifer, but at least we get some Castiel mocking him, so there’s that). Lucifer is trying to make a stick lift, though apparently unable to (hmm). Dipper comes past and tells Castiel Asmodeus has “big plans” for him once he returns.

Lucifer yells after the departing demon that alt-Michael will come over from the other ‘verse and kill them all. We then get a very odd bit of infodump. Lucifer proceeds to As-You-Know-Bob to Castiel that no matter the version of Michael in whatever universe, Michael is ruthless and determined and tunnel-visioned and will get over to the SPNverse by sheer force of will.

This makes no sense for two reasons. One is that Castiel is also an angel and knows perfectly well what Michael is like. Yes, Lucifer has had an encounter with alt-verse Michael that Castiel hasn’t, but Castiel hardly needs to pump Lucifer for info about what all versions of Michael have in common.

Second, if Michael is so scary and determined and blahblahblah, why is this universe’s version of him still in the damned Cage?

Lucifer then starts talking about how much alt-Michael is torturing Mary and how it’s like nothing he’s ever seen. Dear God, I am so tired of this show’s ongoing obsession with comparisons of who got tortured the most.

Anyhoo, Castiel finally shuts him up with talking about Jack, how Jack is a lot like his mother and wants to do good, and how Jack resurrected Castiel from the Empty. Lucifer is so mad that he finally is able to TK the stick into the wall. Which gives him an idea.

Cut back to Rowena at the Bunker with the Brothers. Yes, she’s in the Bunker. Also, she’s pouring the three of them whiskeys. Which the Brothers are willing to drink. And nothing bad comes of it.

They ask her how she’s still alive. She’s cagey about just how (and they don’t mention their encounter with Arthur and what he told her about the resurrection device she gave him). She just says that it took a very long time to heal this time round and she doesn’t want to have to go through it again. She admits to having put a tracking spell on the book (hence why she’s there now) and calls Dean “lover” (at which Dean looks less-than-nonplussed and Sam smiles). A joke about “fifth base” in which Rowena teases Dean about his being roofied and supposed lack of sexual expertise fails, though.

There’s also a sad moment when Rowena finds out that Crowley is dead. It’s a nicely gauged mix of emotions as she reacts with both anger and hurt. The Brothers’ insistence that he died a hero doesn’t comfort her, since she’d prefer a “living” (so to speak) son, “even one who hated me,” to one who is dead and gone forever. Of course, there’s her grandson, but he’s in Heaven. Which she can’t reach.

It turns out that what she’s after is a spell in the book that would break a binding the Grand Coven once put on her. Needless to say, Sam and Dean aren’t too thrilled about the idea of just giving her more power. But they do, in the end, agree to work with her to get the book back. And then they’ll talk.

I should probably refresh everyone’s memories that the Black Grimoire is the book of spells the Brothers “liberated” from the Cajun witches Rowena helped them defeat in “Regarding Dean.”

I like this scene. Everyone in it is a thief, murderer and con artist, and they’re all working angles. And yet, you can tell there’s a shared camaraderie. When Rowena claims she’s “changed,” I find myself hoping she really has and I think the Brothers kind of do, too. The two MOTWs seem quite flat in comparison.

So, naturally, guess where we go next? A hardware store where the witches are trying to read the book they stole (they kinda suck at it) and magicking a staff guy. The younger girl, Jennie, seems to have the magical talent, though that’s not saying much. A young African American woman working there calls them out on shoplifting, to which they respond with some downright nasty snootiness. Ooooh, burn.

They then read that they need a human soul for their spell, so they zero in on an innocent young stock boy. I’m guessing, from “Regarding Dean,” they mean the spell the Cajun witches were using to try to resurrect their brother.

Back at a house, they’re reading the book over the body of an older woman. Jamie shows Jennie a photo. They’re in it with the woman. It’s their mom. They have a discussion over Jennie’s uncertainty whether she can work the resurrection spell and how much they miss their mother. This is probably intended to add some depth to their characterization, but between the Valley-speak and the references to how many people their mother murdered in her lifetime (and how many people they are willing to murder now to bring her back) the scene manages to generate no sympathy for them whatsoever.

We then hear a man’s voice from the other side of the room. It’s the poor stock boy, who is completely enspelled. Coolly asking Jamie if they still need that spell (Jamie, of course, says yes), Jenny strolls over the boy and stabs him to death. Then she walks away.

The Brothers and Rowena (in the backseat) arrive in Stillwater, OK. Rowena says that her tracking spell on the book really only works for general location and when it’s moving – and it’s stopped moving. They have to ask around to find the sisters. She offers to interrogate the locals herself, but the Brothers point out that her methods tend to be extreme and fatal. Or extremely fatal. Take your pick.

Sam offers to babysit Rowena in the car, while Dean goes out and does interviews. Rowena makes a final suggestion – that Dean talk to the woman. She says she’s pretty sure “these girls aren’t popular with other women.” We see Dean quickly process this and nod, taking the suggestion on board. Rowena doesn’t insult Dean by asking him if he knows how to talk to women about other women. She knows he can talk to women about all sorts of things. After all, she (and we) are pretty certain he lied about not remembering the conversation she had with him in “Regarding Dean” about Chuck and Amara.

Cut to Castiel and Lucifer. Castiel is entertaining the demon, Dipper, by insulting Lucifer. But this turns out to be a trick. When Dipper goes to mock Lucifer, Lucifer yanks him up against the bars, then reaches through them (despite the sparks) and stabs him in the neck with the stick. This somehow breaks the warding, both on his door and Castiel’s. The demon turns around and gets smote by Castiel.

Naturally, more demons show up, but Lucifer and Castiel somehow have angel swords now, so this ought to be a short fight.

In the car, Rowena is bored and asks for music. Sam points out they only have Dean’s hard rock collection. Exasperated, Rowena says that surely she can “enslave” a few townspeople to tell them what they need to know.

Sam: I’m pretty sure you can. I’m also pretty sure you shouldn’t.

Rowena: Bless your precious little heart. You just described my entire life.

Ah, Rowena, how I missed thee.

In a surprisingly thoughtful moment, Sam gently tells Rowena that even if she gets hold of the book, it won’t help. She’ll still feel “helpless.” Rowena at first doesn’t want to talk about it (her fear of Lucifer is quite genuine). Then she gets teary and admits the scariest part of Lucifer’s burning her alive and crushing her skull – “he showed me his face. His true face. I’m scared, Sam. All the time.”

At that point, Sam admits that he’s seen it, too, and it “still keeps me up at night.” When she asks him how he deals with it, Sam admits that he really doesn’t. Mostly, there’s always a new world-busting crisis, so he just “pushes it down” (much like his brother with his own traumas). He could talk to Dean, whom he knows would listen, but for whatever reason, he never does. In a weird way, I think Sam may actually find comfort that Dean would listen, even if he never unburdens himself to Dean, just as he and Rowena find some comfort in unburdening themselves to each other in this scene. Awww.

Dean goes into the same hardware store where Jamie and Jennie were earlier and he encounters the same clerk who called them out on shoplifting. She’s skeptical at first of his intentions (though she definitely likes the tall drink of water standing in front of her), but when he makes it clear he’s there for revenge not love, she has no problem whatsoever giving up the address of “the Plum sisters,” whom she also calls “a whole mess of trouble.”

“You going to be really mean?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Dean replies, in a tone with a whole lot of intent.

“‘Cause somebody sure needs to be,” she finishes, giving him the address. Can we see her again? I like her.

Sam is telling Rowena that it doesn’t matter if she gets her power back, she’ll always feel helpless, as Dean returns to the car. At that moment, Rowena gets out, claiming to need some fresh air. But when Dean rather stupidly says he has the address, Rowena gets a look at it and then tosses down a hex bag, shouting, “Manete! (Stand!)” before fleeing.

As the Brothers try to get the hex bag (and Dean calls Sam an idiot for letting Rowena get under his guard), Rowena goes to the address. There the two witches are arguing about their spell having gone wrong (the poor clerk is quite dead at this point, still smiling). Rowena comes in and growls at them about not waiting for her. Turns out she was the one they were supposed to call and she had them get the book for her, after telling them about the Winchesters and where it was. But they double-crossed her. Shocker.

Anyhoo, it turns out they already did the spell on their mother and brought her back as a mindless, violent, magic-proof zombie who goes after Rowena. As she barricades herself in another room, they think this is funny because … well … they’re really dumb.

Sam finally manages to get the hex bag and Dean burns it. Then they go after the witches.

Meanwhile, Castiel and Lucifer are escaping from that old sanitorium the show is always using as a set. Lucifer tries to persuade Castiel to give him his grace, then tries to stab it out of him. Instead, Castiel stabs him, saying “This is me learning from my mistakes.”

At their house, the sisters are still mocking Rowena when the Brothers enter. The sisters aren’t terribly impressed by the Brothers’ guns, but Dean unwisely tells them they have witch-killing bullets, so the sisters use a TK spell (one they just learned, I guess) and then go after the Brothers with a knife and a hammer and superstrength. Sam gets his ass kicked, though Dean holds his own pretty well against Jamie (and is even winning), until Jamie calls for help and Jennie hits him in the leg with her hammer.

But the sisters are distracted by Rowena shouting for advice on how to deal with a magical zombie, and Dean suggesting shooting the mother. When Rowena actually does, though, the sisters inexplicably keep going after the Brothers. This gives Rowena time to recover a bit and use an “Impetus Bestiarum” spell (the one she used on that poor prostitute in her second appearance) on them, then compels them to kill each other. Though looking a bit startled, the Brothers don’t make any effort to interfere.

Still favoring his knee from the hammer blow, Dean insists they take the Black Grimoire back. As Sam goes to get it from Rowena, who whispers desperately to Sam that she can’t “feel that helpless again.” She then appears to leave empty-handed, but Dean watches her go with a considering look.

Back at the Bunker, Dean is still hurting and is disgusted at himself for having fallen for a love spell (didn’t see any choice for him in the matter, but okay). But as they drink beers, Dean points out to Sam, “You do know Rowena is not our friend, right?” He then opens the book. The page with the spell on it that Rowena was seeking is missing, torn out. Dean wasn’t fooled.

Sam admits he let her take it and that if she “breaks bad,” he’ll kill her himself. But he feels that if she encounters Lucifer again, he’s on Team Rowena and wants her to be able to “make him suffer.”

Dean accurately pegs this as part of Sam’s depression. Sam says that Rowena’s not the only one who “feels helpless.” He admits that he started the season with a plan that involved Jack, but with Jack gone, he doesn’t know what to do. Dean says calmly, “We’ll figure it out.” Sam asks how, when they have no plan? Dean just steadily says that the two of them will “figure it out.” Sam looks less sure, but doesn’t argue.

In the last scene, Rowena is kneeling inside a pentacle/devil’s trap with candles. She recites in Latin, asking for her “voice” back and ending with “Fiam invicta!” (I am invincible!). She also cuts her throat vertically, though this doesn’t kill her. As she bleeds from her eyes, glowing purple bonds surrounding her break and the candles gutter out. She smiles, totally healed, and then her eyes glow blue. Possibly not an angelic blue (though who knows? Maybe she said yes to Michael in the Cage and that’s how she resurrected), but still a very unsettling color. Also unsettling is the smile.

Credits


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The Official Supernatural: “Breakdown” (13.11) Live Recap Thread


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My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free. I also get paid if you get it on Kindle Unlimited (for free), read the Kindle version, or lend it to a friend via the Kindle Owners Lending Library. Just FYI.

Starting now.

Then recap of Donna stuff and (weirdly enough) Dean’s very-ugly vampire cure from season six.

Cut to Now and a cellar lab with newspapers of missing people on the walls and jars full of nasty stuff on the shelves, where a man is screaming for mercy and a bone saw is a cutting away as a masked, aproned figure with rubber gloves strolls past torture instruments worthy of the Spanish Inquisition. There’s blood and what looks like a severed arm. And it’s all set to 50s girl group The Chantels singing “Look in the Eyes.”

Cut to Oshkosh, NE at Manny’s Truck Stop (missing an apostrophe as an injoke for singer/songwriter Jason Manns). A young woman is trying to get gas with her card, but the pump declines the card and tells her to go see the cashier. As she enters the gas station/diner, an assortment of late-night characters look up from their meals, including a preacher who has a van outside that says “Jesus Saves” on the back window.

A creepy young man is reading about aliens in a newspaper at the register. The girl goes up to him and says the machine won’t take her card. He takes that and demands her ID, as well, then hits on her bigtime. The creep is off the scale with this boy and she notices. Either he’s a red herring or heavily involved in what was going in with the previous scene. I’m hoping for the former because he is naaaaaasssty.

One thing we get from that scene is that her last name is “Hanscum,” so she appears to be related to Donna Hanscum in some way. We get stalkervision of the girl as she pumps her gas and then she’s accosted by one of the diner denizens (a long-haired, homeless-looking guy) who offers to wash her windows. She politely declines and flees in her car as he stares after her.

But later, she has a very flat tire on Route 88 and has to stop. She tries to flag down a truck, but it blows right past her. She then discovers something that looks like a shuriken or a caltrop in the tire. Then she’s attacked from behind by a guy in a mask, who beats her up some then drags her off, screaming. To her credit, she fights all the way.

Cue title cards.

Cue Sam moping in bed for a really long time. Dean pounds on the door, saying he’s making pancakes because Sam won’t come out. Then, at 10:00, Sam’s cell phone rings. It’s Donna.

Sam brings it out to Dean. Donna says her niece (Doomed Teaser Gal) is missing. She knows this isn’t the Brothers’ kind of thing (well, they have gone Hunting for less), but Dean immediately tells her to text them address and they will come over.

When the Brothers show up, Donna is distraught, blaming herself for her niece’s disappearance. The Brothers both reassure her it’s not her fault.

Dean goes inside to find Doug (who is apparently dating Donna now) and encounters a shirty FBI agent right after he discovers the caltrop/shuriken in the niece’s tire. Not even Doug intervening gets the guy to chill. Hmm.

Dean manages to lie his way out of it with the agent by saying he’s the niece’s family, but then has to tapdance out of lying to Doug about being Donna’s cousin.

The FBI agent gives a meeting where he says this fits the pattern of a serial abductor who goes south for the winter. None of the victims has turned up since disappearing. Oh, and this has been going on for 12 years.

Dean offers to help, while Sam gives him ample bitchface via side-eye. Later at their motel, Sam complains that this isn’t their kind of case and he’s worried they’ll get rousted by the “real” FBI. Plus, he thinks Dean’s attempt to recruit truckers via CB to find the niece is stupid. Sam, what is this? Season one? Grow up.

But it does give Dean the chance to turn Sam’s harsh pep talks from earlier in the season right back on his brother. Oh, sweet, sweet turnabout is fair play. Dean says they will power through as they always do. They’ll find Jack and their mom. But for now, Donna needs their help and they’re going to help her.

Go Dean.

Sam admits that he wants to help Donna, too, and Dean says he knows that.

Dean gets a call on the CB from a woman who says she wants to meet with him at a different diner than the one in the teaser at noon the next day. Dean goes off to talk to her and she tells him about the niece, Wendy’s, entry into the cafe the other night. It turns out the woman was the trucker who passed Wendy by. She had been in a huge hurry and didn’t feel she could stop. She said that needing to gas up was the only reason she even stopped at the truck stop because that place has always given her a creepy vibe. But now she feels bad about having passed Wendy by and wants to help.

As it turns out, she was the biracial woman with the mohawk who was sitting with the preacher. He’s now being brought in as a possible suspect for the “Butterfly” serial kidnapper. The FBI guy shows Donna a piece of clothing that was on the guy, that she identifies as Wendy’s.

When Sam and the FBI guy go into the interview room, the preacher insists he wants lawyer, even after the FBI guy roughs him up and Sam pulls the guy off.

But then Donna comes in. She starts off slow, talking about how lawyers aren’t well-respected in the Bible, so why would the preacher want one? Then she revs up a bit to talking about how it’s Friday and a small town and the preacher won’t even get a public defender until Monday. He’ll spend the weekend in a cell with some very rough types. Or he can answer her questions now and be out of there.

Meanwhile, Doug finds Dean and asks him about Donna (thinking Dean is her cousin). He says she’s been distant lately, not her usual sunny, chatty self. Dean tapdances some more, this time around Donna’s secret identity as a Hunter. You’re welcome, Donna.

The two of them go to the teaser diner (which Dean is casing). There, they meet window-washer guy. Dean and then Doug ask him about Wendy. He admits he saw her. Dean hands him some money. He talks a lot more.

He says that the creep at the register–Marlon–quite fancied Wendy. After she left, he got in his car and went after her. Dean mmm-hmms cynically about this, while Doug looks a bit sick.

Meanwhile, Donna gets the preacher talking  and mentions he flashed a young girl and picked up a young boy. He insists his wife knows and they’re working through it, that he’s weak, but not a bad person. When Donna pulls out the shirt, he gets scared and when she yells at him, “DON’T LIE TO GOD!” he breaks down in terror and insists, sobbing, it’s not him.

Outside the room, Donna and Sam agree that they believe him, while the FBI weakly protests about the evidence. Sam points out that the evidence could have been planted. Why would a criminal mastermind slip up like that after 12 years (well, Sam, you are a fan of serial killer narratives; they do get cocky and decompensate after a while)? Neither Sam nor Donna questions whether Mr. I’ve Been Chasing This Guy For 12 Years might have planted something in the preacher’s van and they’re a little too open about their theory in front of him for my comfort.

Meanwhile, Dean and Doug are “interviewing” Marlon. Marlon starts the interaction off by being his usual dick self. Dean cuts to the chase and smacks Marlon’s head on the counter a couple of times (“how we do things in the FBI”) until Marlon shows them a live feed of one Luis Fernando (the kidnapping victim before Wendy, according to FBI guy). There’s a dollar number at the bottom of the feed and users on the side are bidding. It’s a live auction.

As the guy cries and begs, the masked figure from the teaser starts to cut something off with the saw. Dean says, “They’re selling him off, piece by piece.” Unable to watch, Doug looks down and misses Marlon’s smirk, but Dean doesn’t. Dean recoils.

Dean and Doug call Sam and Donna, and have them watch the same bit of video. Sickened, Sam turns it off. Marlon snarks about Sam being “Vegan” and Doug smacks him upside the head.

“It’s how they do it in the FBI,” he comments and Donna glares sideways at Dean. She knows where Doug got that from.

The talk quickly turns to why this auction is happening. The comments on the side (“Yum!”) of the screen indicate the guy was being cut up for food. “For monsters,” Donna blurts out and then regrets it when Doug asks what she’s talking about (there’s a hilarious reaction cut to Dean, who is standing between them and doesn’t seem to know where to look). Donna tells Doug she’ll tell him later.

They interrogate Marlon, who shrugs and says he does it for the money. If he sees someone nobody will miss, he makes a call and gets some money. Well, Marlon, honey, you done screwed up this time.

Another live auction pops up. This time, it’s Wendy. Donna looks sick and leaves the room. When Doug follows her, she ends up giving him The Talk. She admits that Sam and Dean aren’t blood family but a different sort of fraternity altogether: “They kill monsters.” They’re Hunters and so is she.

Meanwhile, Dean is trying to get Sam to hack the cam, but Sam insists it’s “dark web” stuff. Um…what happened to what Frank taught Dean?

Anyhoo, Sam suggests they call FBI Guy, who comes up with a location while Marlon just chills and listens. I’m sure that since we are now near the end of the episode’s third act that absolutely nothing bad will come of this decision. [/sarcasm]

The Brothers rush off to the location (Wendy’s vivisection will start in an hour). Dean tells Sam to go in the back, while he, Donna, Doug and Marlon go in the front. Inside, Dean and Donna go on ahead, while Doug hangs back to guard Marlon. Donna promises Doug she will explain everything to him when she gets back.

Doug may not get that chance. As soon as they leave, Marlon attacks him, showing vampire teeth, and forces Doug to drink his blood. But not before being an asshat about Donna. Marlon really is too dumb to live. Or unlive, as the case may be.

In the back, Sam encounters the FBI guy and has him go in behind him. He gets clocked in the head by FBI Guy.

Meanwhile, as Dean and Donna close in, the clock starts to run out for Wendy. I’m just gonna interject here that I love it when these two hunt together. It’s like the Doctor and Donna, but it’s Supernatural and Dean has unresolved romantic longings for Donna.

The masked figure starts up some more R&B, but when Dean and Donna enter the room where it is, they find it empty with just a cassette player.

When they come back, they find Doug with fangs and Dean has to knock him out with dead man’s blood to get him off Donna. Marlon unwisely decides to return to the scene of the crime (told you he was stupid). Dean says great, that will make it easy to get the vamp blood they need to cure Doug (Dean must know that cure by heart by now). Before he can behead Marlon (who honestly thinks he can take Dean – ha), Donna blasts out one of Marlon’s knees and orders Dean to get the blood (Dean looks all tingly at Donna taking control like that). When Marlon bleats that she’ll kill him, she says that’s happening, anyway. The only choice is “fast or slow” and that depends on how fast he starts talking.

Sam wakes up strapped to a table in a very bloody room. FBI Guy (Clegg) is telling the guy in the mask to pull the camera back so they can get a full view of Sam. These MOTWs must be Sam stans.

So, Clegg says he recognized the Brothers from the Impala (really? And not the voluminous FBI files both brothers have?). He proceeds to supervillain monologue that there are hundreds of thousands of monsters out there (try tens of millions worldwide, as stated in season six, dumbass) and he’s providing an important service for those who “pass.” He says he serves them “people other people won’t miss.” If he didn’t, they would just go nuts and the Brothers couldn’t stop them. As if the Brothers were the only Hunters in the world or couldn’t take out monsters en masse (as they have, more than once).

But no matter. It’s an obvious bullshit excuse to mask the selfish desire to make pots of money off other people’s misery. Sam calls him on it and tells him to go to Hell. Clegg, being rather naive about the ways of Hell, says he’ll see Sam there and starts up the bidding for Sam, piece by piece. Clegg laughs at Sam’s attempts to stall, saying there’s no way Dean will get there in time to save him.

In the Impala, Dean is driving as they race toward where Sam and Wendy are (she’s had a temporary reprieve thanks to Sam’s auction). Donna is in the backseat, feeding Doug the vampire cure. When she asks Dean if it will work, he replies, “It worked on me.” They have to leave Doug unconscious in the car while they go in.

I’m assuming Marlon’s dead. Kinda sad we didn’t get to see that.

Dean and Donna enter the warehouse all X-Files-ish and split up. Donna finds Wendy alive, but lets her guard down in her relief. Masked Teaser Dude attacks her, kicking her in the back with his signature move. She loses her gun. But Donna’s a fighter. She grabs a pry bar and whacks him a few times. He loses his machete (might be a bolo). She picks it up and stabs him through the heart with it.

Meanwhile, Clegg, in a pig mask, is auctioning off Sam‘s heart to the tune of $500,000, while two werewolves avidly compete for it. He then says he normally cuts a heart out really slowly, to make sure it hurts, but with Dean out there (you know, the Really Dangerous Winchester as opposed to the Very Dangerous Winchester), he’s gotta make it quick. He pulls out a gun and aims it at Sam’s head. The camera angle strays and we hear a shot. Then we see blood coming out of a hole in Clegg’s shirt and he drops, shot through the heart by Dean, who has just entered the room. Sam’s look turns from horror to confusion to relief.

Later, Doug wakes up on a motel room couch, Donna by his side and the Brothers watching. Donna tells him Wendy is all right and in a hospital. Doug’s been cured, but he doesn’t feel better. Donna tries to reassure him and Dean tries to back her up, but Doug’s having none of it. Not everyone can handle finding out about the supernatural world and Doug’s part of that larger “blue pill” group. He leaves and Sam gives Donna Dean’s old speech about how you can’t let people get too close or they get hurt. Then he leaves.

Dean just puts his hand on Donna’s shoulder while she cries. I know it’s way too soon for her, five minutes after a big breakup like that, but damn, I am shipping Dean and Donna so hard right now. What is that, Deanna (yes, I know that was his grandmother’s name)?

In the car going back to the Bunker, Dean points out that Sam was a bit harsh to Donna. Sam retorts, “When has knowing us worked out  well for anyone?”

Oh, I dunno, Sam, you mean, besides the thousands of people you’ve saved over the years (and the billions who didn’t have to deal with an apocalypse or five)? Dean points this out, but Sam’s head is so firmly up his own ass that he actually brings up Kaia, of all people. Kaia? Really, Sam? You barely knew Kaia. And with those Bad Place creatures coming after her, she’d have died sooner than later on her own, anyway.

Sam then insists he’s not “in a dark place,” he’s just being “realistic”
and things really do suck. He starts whining about how things can only end “bloody” and “bad” for them both. Hate to break this to you, Sam, but it’s unlikely Death and Chuck will be allowing your brother to die any time soon.

Credits


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The Official Supernatural: “Wayward Sisters” (13.10) Live Recap Thread


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Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.

My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up. If you buy the print version, you get a Kindle copy thrown in for free.

Starting now.

Overlong recap introducing all the female characters who would be in the spin-off, should it occur. Could be edited down a bit. Definitely needs something more than a rather boring hard rock tune that sounds as though they got a knockoff of a Melissa Etheridge song instead of getting an actual Melissa Etheridge song. “Royal Station 4/16” would have done nicely here. Or maybe “Ruins.” Or “2001.”

Just sayin’: 2:13 is an awfully long montage, especially set to generic rock.

Cut to Patience showing up at Jody’s door. She’s had a vision and it involves Jody apparently dying.

Cut to Now.

In some random shack in the middle of nowhere, two werewolves disguised as white-trash lowlifes (not a real stretch) are threatening a young girl who kinda looks like the girl ghost in season two’s “Playthings.” A delivery truck shows up (we get a rather CGI’d overhead view of it coming in). It’s Claire, disguised as a delivery girl. The one werewolf who was taunting the little girl is so dumb, he has to read the address label saying “Mr. Werewolf” before he gets it. Half a second later, he gets a shotgun load in the gut that tosses him across the room.

The second werewolf puts up more of a fight and bloodies Claire’s lip a bit before she stabs him. Then a mother werewolf shows up just to get shot. Yeah, the dialogue’s not the best this week.

As Claire sends the girl back to her mother, she gets a call from Jody. Jody reprises Dean’s line about John not having been home for a few days, this time for the Brothers Winchester, and asks Claire to come back to her house.

Cue title cards, which seem a little more extended than usual.

At the house, Jody and Alex are determining that Donna and Walt (still salty he’s still alive) haven’t heard from Sam and Dean, either. Gee, where were these idiots when Sam and Dean got locked up in a sooper-sekrit government facility last year for a month and a half? For that matter, what about when Dean went missing in Purgatory for a year? Sam and/or Dean go missing all the time, so why the DEFCON-1 alert status all of a sudden?

Claire arrives and the sneak peek about her awkward reunion with Alex and Jody ensues, as well as her introduction to Patience. As cocky and arrogant as Claire is in this scene, I can grok her being upset about Patience appearing to have replaced her. FYI, Jody, if you really want to get Claire to come back home, maybe don’t turn her room into storage or hand off her clothing to some random new girl five minutes before you know she’s arriving. That doesn’t rhyme with “Welcome back.”

Patience seems quite bland, including after Alex leaves to go to work at the hospital (Claire is annoyed because she thinks all hands should be on deck for finding the Brothers) and when she starts relating her vision. It turns out Jody doesn’t die in it – Claire does. Maybe.

Claire turns bratty and says that sitting back and making a plan is a bad idea. Yeah…um…no. Pretty sure that’s the best idea, girl. Then she storms out. It’s rather sad that this is what she got from watching Dean. Dean’s the most cold-blooded planner of them all. That’s why he’s still here.

Oh, and they’ve been clued into Kaia’s existence by a phone message from Sam.

Meanwhile, it turns out to be a good idea that Alex went off to work, since Kaia has been found by the roadside and loaded into an ambulance, while some creepy, hissing thing watches from the shadows. Quickie flashback during all this to the coda from last week when the Brothers first arrived in the Bad Place.

At the hospital, Alex is being the perfect nurse and we finally get some good lines. After Claire comments on her nurse scrubs, Alex shoots back: “It’s a uniform. What’s your excuse?”

Claire: I look great.

Alex: You look like Biker Barbie.

They have a discussion about how Alex knew about the vision and their differing approaches to protecting Jody. As they do, Alex is looking up Kaia in the system and finds a Jane Doe just being checked into the hospital. Wow. How plot-convenient.

When Claire goes down there, Kaia spots her and they share an intensely slashy staring contest right before Kaia decides to do a runner. I facepalm at this show’s really poor knowledge of medicine. Once again. Ain’t nobody going nowhere with the colossal headache that comes from a concussion, let alone with Kaia’s fleetness of foot.

Claire comes in and cuts right to the chase, saying she knows Sam and Dean. Kaia, apparently having completely reset her learning curve from the beginning of the previous episode, tries to run away, anyway. Until she’s accosted outside by the creepy thing that was stalking her. It has glowing red eyes, kicks Claire’s ass, gets shot by Jody (who, also conveniently, pops up out of nowhere) and then bleeds fluorescent blue blood when Claire stabs it in the throat.

And then they take the body home, where Alex pulls on some gloves and gets cracking on an autopsy with almost obscene glee. The Brothers would be so proud.

Claire talks to Kaia. They compare scars and Kaia talks about the Bad Place, how she knows the creature from there and they usually “travel in packs.” I know some really like Kaia, but so far, she seems to have about three emotional settings – Coward, Victim, and Tremulous Hero – and I’m quickly growing tired of all of them. Anyhoo, Claire asks her about Sam and Dean.

It’s more interesting in the garage, where Alex is pulling off the creature’s mask to reveal lots of mandibles. Alex and Jody suggest Patience not scream. Patience suggests that puking is more likely. Claire enters and informs them that Kaia knows what the creature is. Kaia offers that she is a dreamwalker and then fills in the others on how she helped the Brothers open a rift (she doesn’t mention Jack) and they got stuck in the Bad Place. She’s sure that if they did, they are already dead, but Claire says that the rift is still open, so they can go find the Brothers.

Cut to Sam and Dean (who are actually not dead at all), and immediately, the banter improves. Dean is eating a lizard over a fire (“It’s a lizard, Sam – it tastes like lizard”), while Sam is cringing and saying they should go find the rift. Dean points out that the last rift only lasted “a couple of hours” and they’ve already been there two days. So, the rift could be already closed, they could be there for a while, and Sam needs to suck it up and eat something.

When they hear a faraway monster call that seems to be approaching, they run away, but not before Dean goes back to grab the rest of the lizard.

Back at Jody’s, Alex finds Patience punking out and packing to leave. Patience is freaked out and says she’s “not a fighter.” Maybe if she goes back now, Daddy will take her back. Alex points out that Patience can’t just turn back the clock like that and that there’s more to dealing with the supernatural world than fighting. Patience leaves, anyway, but when she reaches the car, she has a vision of more creatures bursting through the windows. She runs back inside and tells them, including a skeptical Claire, that they all have to leave. Kaia says they’re after her.

Later, we see the creatures burst through the windows, just as Patience predicted. But the girls are watching it on a security cam from the car. They’ve already left for the barge. Patience, who is driving, asks Claire if she believes her now.

After daybreak, Jody has them stop. She tells them she called in backup. Donna shows up, armed to the teeth (including a flamethrower – and y’all wonder why Dean has so much Ducky love for her?). She has become a vampire hunter and it seems she’s quite good at it. It turns out they don’t actually know where they’re going, yet, because Kaia didn’t know and needs some prodding to come up with enough clues for Jody and Alex to figure out it’s the Larsen Brothers Shipyard off Route 14.

Jody and Donna decide to go on ahead. Jody leaves Claire in charge of Alex and the civilians and Claire reluctantly agrees.

Meanwhile, in Monster Land, Sam and Dean are being stalked by a refugee from Sword of Shannara, a hooded figure with a spear who manages to take out both of them. I call shenanigans on this. Maybe the figure could take out Sam, who hasn’t been eating much the past day or two, but Dean? Dean survived a year in Purgatory and came out on top. He even had fun. And he fights multiple demons with relative ease. Plus, he and Sam would be armed to the teeth. Why don’t they have their guns out at least?

It doesn’t help that the fight is very poorly done in typical  choppy Arrowverse style (that’s not a compliment) where there is so much cutting to cover up the lack of fighting skills among certain parties that you can barely see what’s happening. Nope. Not at all impressed. The show’s done pretty well so far in avoiding dumbing down the Brothers to make a new character look better, but this is an egregious exception.

Jody and Donna scope out the shipyard and then go in. The incidental music for this scene is rather cool. They pass by an angel sword melted into the ground and hear a hissing from the upper deck of the ship (looks like a ferry) they’re on.

Back at Base Camp, Kaia and Claire bond (more slashy overtones) over Kaia realizing Claire is scared. Claire admits that she’s been shaken by Patience’s vision. Why she’s admitting this to Kaia, I just don’t know. But when she declares that “Sam and Dean saved my life” and she has to return the favor, Kaia offers to come with. I know this is intended to make Kaia look heroic, but it sounds vaguely ridiculous: “I was a cowardly lion when those menz were around, but I shall follow you to the ends of the multiverse, fair lady.”

Not helping is that the show’s writers (who are downright obsessed with their meta) seem blissfully unaware that this whole storyline is an old and very sexist Western trope as old as the media hills known as “The menfolk are out on a cattle run/incapacitated, so it’s up to the little ladies to save the day.” And it’s looking as though we’re about to get the variation of “All the adults get themselves taken out, so now the kids have to save the day.” You’d think the show would at least bother with a little more onscreen explanation about why these random characters all immediately banded together to find and save Sam and Dean, seeing as how it’s still called Supernatural and the protagonists are still Sam and Dean.

On an upper deck, Jody and Donna find the rift. Jody wants to go in immediately because reasons – sorry, because she’s afraid that if she doesn’t go in right that second, Claire will and then will get killed. Or something. Points to Donna for thinking this reason is stupid, especially after Jody admits her thinking is clouded by not wanting to “lose another child.”

This conversation is cut off by their hearing more rift creatures. Well, duh, if the rift is open and these things hunt in packs, it makes perfect sense that not only one crossed over, y’know?

The creatures, btw, are exceedingly cheesy when alive and look exactly like what they are – stuntmen in monster costumes.

Over in Monster Land, Sam wakes up at night and Dean, who is already awake, calls the figure with the spear “Darth Dickwad,” even though it’s pretty obviously a female figure. The figure bangs on a giant skull and the creature they heard before responds from a distance.

Meanwhile, Claire and the others are saddling up, while Jody and Donna are stuck inside an abandoned car. They’re saved by Claire with a flamethrower. The others are just standing behind her, even though Jody warns that there’s “another one.”

Claire hears the hissing and immediately goes upstairs. Jody realizes it’s closing as it starts to fade. Claire insists on going in to save the Brothers.

Downstairs, Donna give Patience a (very) quick rundown on how to use a shotgun, but a whole bunch of creatures show up and the women flee upstairs. As Donna and Jody and the others hunt monsters, Claire goes into the rift with Kaia. Because let’s not leave the one person who knows how to go other worlds back in ours, or anything.

In the Bad Place, Claire and Kaia immediately find and cut Sam and Dean loose, but when they all run back to the rift, the hooded figure tosses its spear at Claire and hits Kaia instead when she steps in front of Claire. They hold hands and Kaia dies (here at the CW, we bury allllll our gays, especially if they’re WoCs!). The Brothers pull out angel swords, which the hooded figure apparently did not bother to take away from them (now they do? And what about their guns?), and Dean prevents Claire from going after the figure, who is now, you know, totally unarmed. The three of them flee back through rift, but not before some creepy giant CGI troll shows up and peers over the trees.

As Jody cradles Claire, Patience (who has finally made her first monster kill) realizes that was her vision and Kaia was the one who died.

Afterward, the Brothers leave, asking Jody to thank Claire when Claire is able to hear it. The adults worry about more rifts and more creatures, but Jody assures the Brothers that since they’ve got saving the world covered, she and the girls can take care of Sioux Falls.

Claire mourns and Jody has a talk with her. Claire finally realizes that going in half-cocked gets innocent people killed.

Downstairs, Patience is still shocked at having ganked something and Claire starts a journal. There’s a cheesy voiceover from Claire about how she needs “my family…my army,” and she’s going to kill the thing that killed Kaia, as they montage at the dinner table.

Meanwhile, a big old rift appears again in Sioux Falls and through it steps the hooded figure, which pulls back its hood to reveal an evil, smirking Kaia, because killing off a redshirt character we’ve barely met and have no investment in, but who appeared to be a regular, and replacing her (it’s frequently a her) with an evil doppleganger isn’t a huge cliche at all.

Credits


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The Official “The Bad Place” (13.09 – pre-Christmas finale) Live Recap Thread


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My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up, though the cover’s needing a little tweaking right now. I’ve ordered a copy for a final galley proof to make any changes that don’t show up online (KDP doesn’t let you do that before the book goes live because KDP works for Satan).

Anyhoo, we start off with a standard recap of the season so far with some very lame generic guitar music. It’s pretty boring. This is the Nepotism Duo on again tonight, so I’m expecting to be bored and hoping not to be (too) offended. But I’m trying to keep my expectations low.

Cut to Now and a blonde white girl necking with a stereotypically long-haired Native American guy (oops, so much for avoiding offense; I can see this going ugly in a hurry), as they discuss his latest painting, her needing to go to work, and his latest client.

It turns out said client is Jack.

After the woman leaves, Jack starts asking the guy about his ability to dreamwalk to other worlds (basically, spirit travel). Jack makes it sound unique, never mind that Dean spirit travels rather frequently and as late as a few episodes ago.

But nope, the Nep Duo are in full-on white condescension mode and have Jack go on and on about the guy’s abilities in that Mystical Native American New Age stuff that many Native Americans actually quite hate.

Jack adds insult to injury by offering the guy money. Anyhoo, the guy is two months behind in his rent, so he agrees to go looking, but it goes poorly. The place he goes to is nasty and when he tries to back out, Jack uses his power to make the guy (Derek) stay and hurts him a whole lot.

Derek’s girlfriend comes home to find him dead with his eyes burned out.

Cue title cards.

Cut to Dean leaving a message with Patience, who has a conversation with her father about how she’s ignoring Dean. Sam, meanwhile, has been talking to “Castiel” (because the Nep Duo really do believe the Brothers are stupid enough to fall for low-rent Asmodeus’ trickery) and getting nothing. Then Jodie calls them and tells them about Doomed Teaser Stereotypical Native American Guy. She says Derek’s girlfriend saw Jack beforehand.

Dean recognizes Grody Alt-SPN World in one of Derek’s paintings.

In the car, Dean points out that it appears Jack has gone rogue for real and maybe they need to talk to a tribal leader to get more info. Sam deflects by saying they should talk to a young girl, another dreamwalker named Kaia, whom Derek had been corresponding with, instead. Because hey, why be culturally sensitive or leave innocents out of the fray, am I right?

Kaia, meanwhile, is in a drug support group and she has a creep for a counselor who keeps pushing her. She says that she only takes speed to keep from sleeping. The counselor continues not to get it. Yay for undercutting that whole pro-getting help message your cast is trying to send in their off-set hours, Nep Duo. Nice job. [/sarcasm]

Anyhoo, 30 seconds later, she meets Jack. Gee, I wonder if he will help her get out of the treatment center?

So, Jack cuts right to the chase and says he’s a “friend of Derek,” that she’s the most powerful dreamwalker ever, and he can get her out of stir (why do these characters always have to be the BESTEST, MOSTEST of their kind ever?). This reinforces my apprehension that the show is choosing to add on two new Wayward Sisters who are not only WoCs (fine with that) but also ridiculously overpowered with magical talents (not so fine with that). So far, it seems they will be getting the Walking Plot Device treatment that Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries got, which is not good. I’m all for the CW beginning to write young women better like … right now.

So, just as Kaia is following Jack out (I did like the way the actress played that one, so points to her for that), we see the Impala drive up. Sam infodumps to Dean – as they get out of the car – that Kaia is an orphan. She never knew Daddy and Mom died when she was 12 (what is this show’s creepy obsession with having girl characters hit the streets in their preteens?). An aunt took her in, but died of cancer. So, Kaia’s been on her own ever since because, like, this country doesn’t have any kind of foster care system, or anything. [rolls eyes]

Also, I don’t quite know why Sam is As You Know, Dean-ing as they get out of the car when they had an entire trip to get up to speed on Kaia.

So, Kaia’s jailbreak is not entirely without incident. As they’re walking out, they encounter her jerk of a counselor. Jack rather forcefully puts him to sleep and then literally busts through a locked emergency door that, oddly enough, doesn’t sound an alarm. As he puts it to Kaia, “You’re not the only one with powers.”

Kaia chooses to respond to this, once they’re outside, by casually saying sayonara and then punching him in the face and running away when he objects (and grabs her arm). This strikes me as a really stupid thing to do with someone you’ve just seen act extremely powerful and lowers my estimation of her after my previous lukewarm response. Especially since the only reason she gets away from him is because the Brothers bust out through the same door at that moment and grab Jack.

Talking ensues in which Jack explains that he left Derek alive and that he found Derek after doing research and experimenting with his powers – he can travel between worlds, but he can’t navigate very well. They both traveled to Grody Alt-SPN World, where Jack saw Mary being tortured in a sort of Iron Maiden device and yelling for help, but Derek wasn’t quite strong enough to let Jack go there and rescue her.

After Jack shows the Brothers what he saw, he and Sam have a clinical infodumpy conversation in the background while a shocked Dean has his entire season’s purpose realigned – now that he knows for sure she’s alive and in trouble, he’s gonna save Mom.

Meanwhile, Kaia, a girl who supposedly has been on her own for years, promptly gets kidnapped by angels in a dodgy old station wagon while hitchhiking. [sigh] The stupid is strong with this character.

I really hate these incessant Riverdale and Dynasty commercials.

Back to Patience, who is having Yet Another Vision of Jodie (in the middle of traffic, no less) dying, and of the Brothers someplace dark. Nothing really new there, then, but it’s enough to get her off her tail and trying to contact Dean.

Over to Kaia, tied up in a warehouse and being Evil Overlord Monologued by the angels about how they tortured and killed Derek (lest the Brothers get involved because surely, that wouldn’t alert Sam and Dean – oh, wait), that he’s the son of Lucifer, and that they’re using Kaia as bait.

Remember when angels weren’t stupid? I kinda miss those days. The wings bit, too.

Driving this home (literally, in fact), the Brothers are in the Impala with Jack in the backseat, trying to find Kaia. Dean is now obsessed with rescuing Mary and says that Sam was right. Sam at least has enough motherwit to admit that he was willing to bust open worlds on “hope” rather than certainty, but they’re both on the same page about going to get her.

Jack … is moping that they thought he killed Derek. Even though his incidental and accidental body count is actually rather high. Am quite tired of this. Suck it up, Jack. You’re a killer. Move on.

Sam starts to waffle, but Dean cuts straight to the point – they thought Jack went to find Lucifer. Jack protests that Lucifer means nothing to him and that TFW are his family (Dean agrees, including Mary in the circle). Watch out for those foreshadowing anvils, folks. They’re awfully dense this season.

Welp, the plot still needs to move along. Jack gets a message through Angel Radio that they have Kaia.

Chez Patience, she’s packing and leaving. Her dad, rather than leave the door open, gives her the John speech and tells her not to come back if she leaves because reasons. Ugh. What is it with the writing this week? So formulaic and nonsensical.

Meanwhile, Kaia is giving a rather boring speech to the woman angel about how she’s not good bait. She’s not a blonde white girl and no one will come for her because “I don’t matter.” The angel agrees with her, but says that the Winchesters think she matters, so they’ll come, the angels will kill them, and the angels will kill Jack. Because that’s worked out so well for them so far.

The Brothers and Jack show up, having grabbed the male angel. To get the ball rolling, the male angel improbably gets loose from Dean and there’s a fight. Jack, in excruciatingly slow motion (that’s a really dull effect, Show. Just saying), tosses the woman angel through a glass window, then forces the male angel, who is trying to stab Dean (Sam got knocked out, or something), to stab himself. Meanwhile, the woman angel somehow gets away.

So, Maia, inexplicably, doesn’t respond especially well to any of this. She actually wants to run off again (because that worked out so well for *her*) and calls them all “insane.”

“Yeah, well, the whole world’s insane. Get used to it,” Dean tells her. Go Dean.

Sam then goes the Savior route, saying that Kaia can help them save Mary. Kaia doesn’t want to help them, even though (as Dean points out to her) they just saved her life. Kaia is really bad at this whole reciprocity thing.

Kaia then tries the Pity route, saying that she only ever goes to one place in her dreams – The Bad Place (this is an obvious, but very spoilery reference to a certain current show). She says she comes back with scars and she doesn’t want to help them.

Dean (a guy who has seen and done far, far worse things than Kaia could even imagine) does what the audience wanted him to do all along – pulls out his gun, and tells her to get in the car. I cheer a little because as much as the show wants me to sympathize with Kaia, she’s irritating the hell out of me with her “Me, first” whining.

Anyhoo, in the car, Sam tries to talk to Dean about this new obsession of his and Dean shuts him down with Hey, you said you wanted Mom back, too. In the back, Jack asks Kaia to let him show her what he and Derek say. She reluctantly agrees and then has her world rocked.

But before we can find out if she’s on board with all this, yet, or not, the Impala nearly gets sideswiped by the old station wagon. It’s the surviving angel. A car chase ensues.

The Impala arrives at a rotting old barge on a dock for some random reason. Dean gets out and opens the trunk for a bag. He tosses it at the others and tells them to get on the boat while he plays rearguard.

The angel arrives in her, uh, station wagon.

She gets out and reiterates her intent to get Jack so he can make new babies for angels (mind you, the angels still have no plan how to deal with Jack and his powers – like, at all). Then reinforcements show up. In other crappy cars.

Dean bails and runs into the boat. The Brothers make angel sigils and the angels start blasting them from the outside. Kaia finally steps up and says she can help Jack send the four of them to another world.

BTW, we’ve got new incidental music, y’all. Don’t think we had any classic rock at all this week. Guess Jack’s FX cost too much.

So, Jack and Kaia go to the Bad Place and Jack starts showing her how to go somewhere else. He sees other worlds, then Grody Alt-SPN World and Mary. Dean yells at Jack to hurry up, but Kaia is losing the direction. She screams as her face glows. The angels are all blasted to dust and all four of TFW 2.0 vanish, leaving behind a glowing rift (I’m sure this won’t create any future problems).

Muting the Riverdale ad because ugh.

At her house, Jody is calling Sam and leaving him a message to call her. She’s worried. The doorbell rings and it’s Patience. Patience says she “had a vision,” but rather than tell Jody what it is (that Jody died. Again), she just says that “something bad is coming.”

Pan over the rotting barge (apparently, the angels are really dead) to a roadside in daytime, with Kaia lying unconscious. Then we see Mary in her cage in Grody Alt-SPN World looking down at Jack waking up on the floor. Then Dean and Sam wake up in The Bad Place and walk (unknowingly) through a Godzilla footprint while something large screeches and stomps in the near distance.

Credits. Obviously.


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The Official “The Scorpion and the Frog” (13.08) Live Recap Thread


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Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

Sorry about the big delay, but I had a book event last night and lots of errands today. FYI, The Supernatural Codex: Season 1, my collection of recaps and reviews from Innsmouth Free Press (plus some extras) is out on Kindle and will very soon be out in print, too. Check it out.

Anyhoo, we start off with a standard, no-rock recap of the season so far.

Cut to Now in Cambridge, England, at “7:45 pm on a Friday.” A young woman with a red suit jacket and a smug smile enters the Cambridge Museum (there are several, but the show doesn’t say which one this is) and goes down to one of the archival labs, where she enters by busting in the door (after the key card number doesn’t work). She extracts two leafs of manuscript (looks like Greek) after examining them and puts them in her alligator skin (faux?) satchel.

It’s at that point she’s rousted by a puzzled guard. She then opens her mouth and out smokes a demon. As she calmly collapses, it immediately goes into the hapless guard, who goes outside into the alley and meets up with a man in a nice suit and coat. The demon gives the man the satchel, wondering aloud how Asmodeus will reward them. The man responds by killing the demon and the poor guard he’s wearing with an angel blade.

Then the man gets on the phone and calls one Dean Winchester. He tells Dean he has something Dean might like.

Cue title cards.

Cut to Dean cleaning a gun, which never fails to be hot. Sam comes in and suggests the gun is plenty clean, indicating that something is on Dean’s mind. Sam hasn’t been able to find either Ketch or Kevin – sorry, Jack. This missing persons are what’s on Dean’s mind.

The phone rings. It’s Teaser Killer Guy making his Teaser Call. He wants to talk about Jack having gone off on his own. Sam quickly susses out and sotta voce’s to Dean that it’s a demon. Dean rolls his eyes at Sam. Since when are these things not about demons, Sam?

The demon gives them a time and address of a cafe (a public place) and the Brothers discuss the wisdom of coming as they head there. Sam thinks it’s worth a shot. Dean figures it’s risky. They’re probably both right.

Dean says that since Crowley died, he’s “sworn off demons.” It’s just not worth it and dealing with them never ends well. Sam suggests that they at least “hear him out,” to which Dean replies, “all right, and then we kill him.”

Inside, they find a guy who looks like Crowley-lite and head over to his table. Cue the sneak peek. The demon introduces himself as “Barthamus – Bart’s fine.”

Bart: The Famous Winchesters.
Dean: Some Random Demon.

Bart and Dean exchange banter, then Bart gives them one of the manuscript leaves. He says it’s half of a finding spell for a Naphil and also tries to bribe Dean with pie. Sam asks him what he’s about. Bart says he became the new head CRD after Crowley became King of Hell (a hint that the CRD we saw in season two really was Crowley). He says he wants to do a deal with the Brothers (not their souls) for the other manuscript leaf. Dean points out that the Brothers generally just kill demons like Bart, so Bart calls Sam “the smart one” and suggests he have a look at the manuscript to see if it’s real. Then he leaves. I’m a bit weary of demons calling Dean stupid, especially when Dean is calling them out on their game. Calling Sam the smarter brother doesn’t make Sam look good, either, considering the number of times a demon did that to butter up Sam’s ego (at least Sam doesn’t seem to fall for it this time). It feels more like a lazy writer insert than organic.

Anyhoo, Sam is a little shocked when Dean just goes ahead and eats the pie.

Cut to Sam finishing up his analysis and Dean asking him how it went. Sam is surprised to say that it went pretty well. He says it’s Ancient Hittite and that it appears that King Solomon created it so that he could “stalk his girlfriend” (as Dean put it), the Queen of Sheba, who turns out to have been a naphil. Dean points out that dealings with demons never go well with them.

Sam then says that this is true, but that Jack is out there and he needs them. And they ought to take the risk on his behalf (damn, Sam, I actually bought that and I’m not even missing Jack very much), so Dean agrees.

Bart is waiting in what looks like Oliver Queen’s office-dungeon (but with windows), with two nervous associates. He assures them the Brothers will be there. When Sam and Dean arrive, Bart introduces the two as Smash (a safe cracker) and Grab (a demon who is an expert on “supernatural security”).

Dean perks up when he realizes this is a heist. Didn’t know the Brothers quite as well as you thought, eh, Bart? Should’ve led with that.

The target is a man named Luther Shrike. He collects “rare supernatural objects,” as well as something that Bart owns. Bart admits that he can’t get in himself because he needs the blood of a person who has been to Hell and back – literally. Then he pointedly looks at Dean. I could have sworn Sam had been there, too (not just in the Cage, which isn’t the Pit – what Bart may really have meant – but in the execrable “Taxi Driver”), but this is straight-up ignored in favor of targeting Dean and our seeing some flashbacks to Dean’s time there.

Dean says fine, take some blood, but Bart says that he actually needs it still inside Dean. But he also needs the Brothers’ expertise at handling “curve balls.”

Sam’s the one who says no when Bart won’t say what the object is he’s looking for. Bart saying Luther is human, but a very bad man, doesn’t budge the Winchesters on the subject. But Bart says he’ll give Asmodeus the spell if they won’t cooperate, which brings Sam up short.

The Brothers go off to consult. Dean says a double-cross from Bart is a sure thing. Sam agrees, but says they need to play along to keep the spell out of Asmodeus’ hands. And then, once they get it, they’ll double-cross Bart first and kill him. Dean likes that plan, so they come back and agree to Bart’s terms.

Bart’s positively gleeful about the plan, saying Luther will never see them coming.

Cut to Luther hearing that Bart is coming from a demon minion of Asmodeus. The demon asks that Luther give Asmodeus a heads-up once Bart & Co. show up. Luther responds by leading the demon into a devil’s trap and exorcising it, saying he doesn’t need a demon’s help to defend his own house.

Cut to outside Luther’s house as the Brothers arrive. Sam is driving and tells the gate security camera he’s there about an artifact he’d emailed Luther about (and giving a false name).

Dean is hiding in the back of the Impala with Smash under a blanket. Dean’s head is down by her feet. This precipitates a crack based on the famous line near the end of Ocean’s 11 (“Ted Nugent called. He wants his shirt back”): “Hey, Winona, the 90s called. They want their shoes back.”

Anyhoo, Sam is allowed in and drives up the crappy dirt road a bit before stopping and saying “Clear.” Out gets a nervous Smash and a calm Dean. The Brothers exchange a quick “Don’t get dead” then Dean and Smash disappear into the woods to the sound of thunder and rain while Sam drives up to the house. He rings the bell and the door opens on a foyer with a devil’s trap. Luther calls from another room and Sam enters it.

Dean and Smash go into a shed where Dean makes a spell in the dirt. While she waits, Smash drinks from a can. Dean recognizes it as an energy drink (“Nerve Damage”) he used to practically live on as a kid and gets nostalgic. They bond a little when she offers him a can, but she gets grumpy again when he probes her reasons for working for Bart.

Dean finishes the spell, which is to summon in Grab. Grab admits that he doesn’t know where the vault they’re looking for is, but Dean’s blood will lead them to it. Grab then says a spell in Latin (basically, it says, “Infernal blood, show the way”). Nothing happens at first, but then Dean’s flashlight hand gets a mind of its own and drags him after it. Smash and Grab follow.

Inside, Luther offers Sam some homemade gin, which Sam downs with a grimace. Luther shows Sam a basilisk’s fang (a test, maybe?), but Sam says it’s actually a gorgon’s tooth (that basilisk fangs are hollow). Sam says he’d love to see more of Luther’s collection, but Luther just wants to stick to business.

So, Sam shows him the artifact he brought. It’s Ruby’s spork.

Outside, Dean is leading Grab and Smash through a sort of park. They arrive at a cellar door with no lock. As Dean puts it, no lock is “never a good sign.” With a grumpy sigh, Smash opens up the door, but Grab won’t go in. Dean and Smash have to go in without him. Inside, there’s a door with a lion’s head on it. Smash tells him he has to put his hand in the lion’s mouth.

Upstairs, Luther is on to Sam and says he’s with Bart. For a practiced liar, Sam sure does stutter. But Bart has it wrong that Sam is a demon and goes after him with the Spork. Luther gets a shotgun and Sam goes for the Spork, but when he stabs Luther, Luther doesn’t die. Oops. Luther knocks him out.

Downstairs, Dean is dithering over sticking his hand in. Once he finally does it, a mechanism grabs his hand and gets a drop of blood. The door opens, but when an exasperated Smash enters, Dean saves her from a poison dart. As they try to figure out what to do next, Luther stabs Grab and comes down after them.

A freaked-out Smash knees Luther and flees up the stairs. Dean puts a lot of bullets into Luther, but Luther just keeps coming, after admitting that Sam is still alive last he saw him. Sam shows up and warns Dean that Luther is immortal (well…on the property, anyway). Dean punches Luther and knocks him out.

Dean interrogates Luther, but Luther won’t talk, so Dean puts a strip of duct tape over his mouth and the Brothers put their heads together over how to get to the vault. After some babbling that he only ever watched Entrapment, and that was because he had a crush on Catherine Zeta Jones, Sam gets an idea he calls “crazy.”

“I’m good with crazy,” Dean says.

It turns out that Sam wants to put Luther’s situational immortality to their own use. They tie Luther to a chair and shove him through all the traps. He gets darted and the Brothers are able to walk in behind him. Dean is quite impressed.

Smash shows back up, after having fled out to the gate and encountered Bart, who calls her “Alice” and reminds her of her deal. The Brothers note she sold her soul. She says that as long as she does jobs for Bart, he doesn’t collect. The Brothers offer to help, but she doesn’t think they can (honey, did you forget how Dean found the vault?).

So, she cracks the safe and they get the trunk, but Luther has escaped. He comes after them in a pickup. Dean backs up and Sam shoots out Bart’s tires. Once they get him out, he tells them his story. His son was dying and he traded his soul to save him. But his son drowned a few years later, anyway. Once he got down to Hell, Luther negotiated a new deal. Oh, and he found some new leverage – he found Bart’s bones. That’s what’s in the trunk when they open it up.

His infodumping task done, Luther gets beheaded from behind by Bart. He’s off the grounds, you see.

Bart says that Luther was two centuries old and then tells the Brothers to hand over the goods. Dean’s not thrilled, but lets Sam make the decision and Sam says no, the deal’s off. Bart asks if they’re stupid and Dean says no, “We just don’t like you.”

Bart then grabs Smash and threatens to kill her. The Brothers are forced to stand by as Bart takes possession of the trunk and, for added cruelty, insists Smash get in with it. But as she approaches the trunk, she sees that Dean has dropped his lighter in there. She picks it up and lights up Bart’s bones before he can react. Unfortunately, though Sam is able to go after the other half of the spell when Bart drops it, it burns before he can put it out (you just stomp the fire out – oh, never mind).

So, the Brothers see Smash – sorry, Alice – off on a bus, after she thanks Dean for saving her life and soul. Dean tells her to “stay weird” (he called her that earlier) and she sticks her tongue out at him.

Back at the Bunker, Sam is depressed that they lost the second half of the spell. Dean says that at least they saved someone and that they will find another way. Well … also, they kept the entire spell out of Asmodeus’ hands and didn’t Bart say he made copies? But that doesn’t get mentioned.

Anyhoo, they clink glasses over it.

Credits.


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The Official “War of the Worlds” (13.07) Live Recap Thread


We need your help!

Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

So, let’s get started. Keeping my expectations low, since it’s the Nepotism Duo, we’ve got Colonel Sanders again, and the episode got a series low of 0.3/1 and 1.21 million. And yeah, Arrow did even worse, and it was Thanksgiving, and they were also up against football, but still. It’s not as though fandom is identifying this as a lost masterpiece, either.

Recap of Lucifer getting owned by Mary and alt-Michael, Asmodeus’ extremely tedious search for Jack, and Jack’s stupid decision at the end of last week.

Cut to Lucifer in prison, whinging a lot more (this time to alt-Michael) about Chuck. Turns out alt-Michael can interrogate Lucifer and also torture him. Which he does. Whatever. This show sure loves its torture scenes.

Cue title cards.

Cue the sneak peek, where Dean asks Sam about his search for Jack and Sam infodumps that Jack has vanished. Castiel comes in and says he must go find him and he’s got a contact to see if Jack has been captured by anyone naughty. When Dean offers to come along, Castiel basically admits his contact is an angel, so that’s a no-go. Dean then tells Castiel not to do anything stupid, which pretty much guarantees Castiel will end up doing something spectacularly stupid. It’s almost as if I’ve been watching this show for over a decade now.

In the midst of this, Dean decides to check out a case of witches being ritually murdered. Because reasons.

Cut to Asmodeus. All I can say is I hope this scene will be very short.

Anyhoo, Colonel Sanders is calling psychically to Jack, with no success. A demon interrupts him to say they can’t find Jack, either, and they have a “Hunter on the payroll” (really? Only one? The Nep Duo sure forget canon awful fast), who says the Brothers don’t have him, either. CS whines a bit about how Jack can hide when he has so much power (it’s because he’s a walking plot device, dummy). Lots of whining in this episode.

Cut to the alt-world, where alt-Michael is apparently dissatisfied with the barren rock he’s turned Earth into, even though that was the whole plan in the first place. Welp, color me confused on that one.

So, he interrogates Lucifer a bit about our “nicer” planet, which he wants to visit and rule (and, presumably, ruin, too) and then he calls in alt-Kevin (yes, Kevin’s alive in this reality). Kevin has found a spell in the Angel Tablets (there was only one Angel Tablet, you morons) to cross over to other realities, but it requires archangel grace. So, of course Michael takes some of Lucifer’s. Because that’s  a thing now.

Not at all impressed by alt-Michael so far and this entire alternate realities storyline continues to be a hot, hot mess.

Back to the Brothers (finally), who are on the dead witch case. Dean has already figured it’s not Hunters. Sam has found some CCTV footage near the time when the last witch was kidnapped and killed, and Dean spots someone on the monitor who looks familiar – it’s Ketch. With a beard.

CW, you need to just go away with these endless Riverdale ads. They actually make me want to watch that show even less.

While the Brothers argue (in broad daylight) over how Ketch can be alive and why he would be killing witches, they’re approached by a woman named Daniela, who is a witch and (obviously) knows who they are. Sam is actually handed the Idiot Ball long enough to ask how she knows. Sam, come on, really?

Anyhoo, she figures they may not like witches, but they do help people and boy, does she need help.

Back in Stupid Alt-World, Kevin is cooking up the crossover spell, while Lucifer and his guards look on. Lucifer actually tries to talk Kevin out of it by saying it’s evil. Alt-Kevin, to his credit, calls Lucifer out on the hypocrisy of that, but then kinda spoils it by saying alt-Michael will take him to “Paradise World.”

So, anyhoo, the spell works fine, but it only works for one person (as alt-Kevin tells alt-Michael after Lucifer breaks free and escapes through it). Alt-Michael tells Kevin to fix it. Also, Mary is apparently still trapped there. Yay.

Lucifer lands back in our world, but he’s mistaken for a crazy homeless person because he now has no powers.

If you think that’s excruciatingly lame, wait until you check out the next scene where Colonel Sanders is interrogating a motel clerk who had the misfortune of checking in the Brothers and Jack one day recently, then senses something. He says it’s not Jack, so it must be Lucifer’s return through the portal.

Lord, this episode is really quite bad.

Cut to a creepy house in the middle of the woods, a “safe house” where Daniela has taken the Brothers. She shows them scars and says she was caught by the “serial killer” who has been hunting witches. Sam gets her to identify Ketch as the one. She says she managed to get free and disable him temporarily with a spell.

Sam asks her what Ketch wanted. She says he’s looking for Rowena. Dean notes that Rowena is dead. Daniela agrees and says that’s what everyone is telling Ketch, hence the trail of bodies.

Daniela is fearful and says she wants to hide until it’s all over. Instead, Dean suggests they use her as bait.

Later that night, she’s sitting at a table, playing Tarot cards, when she hears a noise and then a smoke bomb crashes through the grate and she passes out. A figure in a gas mask bursts in and shoots up the place, but as he turns around, he gets dart-gunned by Dean. The Brothers come in from outside. As Sam helps Daniela out the door, Dean pulls off the intruder’s mask. Yup. It’s Ketch.

I don’t really see the point of having killed off a bunch of characters last season, only to bring them back. And I sure didn’t miss Ketch.

As Dean interrogates him, Ketch claims not to be Ketch. He doesn’t have his old tattoo and he claims he’d never get one. I roll my eyes pretty hard. Please tell me, Show, that you’re not going to dumb down the Brothers so much that they buy this even a little.

At least somewhat to their credit, they laugh outright at Ketch’s claim that his name is Alexander and they’ve mistaken him for his psycho brother Arthur (how this is supposed to explain his attempt on Daniela’s life I really don’t know).

Anyhoo, Ketch claims he chickened out of the LoL “initiation” and ran off to become a Hunter-for-hire. He’s just killing witches because they’re bad and doesn’t really have a good reason for looking up Rowena except that she’s a witch.

It’s like these two writers don’t even try, anymore. If they ever did.

So, Sam finds a paper trail that looks pretty convincing, but then, the Brothers have pretty convincing paper trails, too. Dean is unconvinced. The writers get in a little dig at the Brothers being *really* stupid by having Sam say they dumped the body rather than burned it (which would make it very hard for him to resurrect). They would never just dump the body. They *always* salt and burn.

Anyhoo, Dean is not buying it at all. I’m so proud of you, Dean.

Ketch continues to work on Sam, who is the one who is buying this a tiny bit. Sam says some nasty things about “Arthur,” which provokes “Alexander” to defend “Arthur.” Uh-huh. Sure, Ketch.

Via his Alexander persona, Ketch claims to “regret” some of what he did to the Winchester family. He’s lucky he’s talking to Sam. Dean wouldn’t care.

Meanwhile, Castiel is meeting with his contact, Duma, who predictably betrays him to the other angels. Seems they have this daft plan to capture Jack and force him to make new angels, since none have been made “since the dawn of time.” Yeah, let’s totally forget that bit where Castiel is only about half a billion years old.

Anyhoo, there’s a fight and it’s broken up by Lucifer. Lucifer does red-glowy eyes and the angels flee before they see that Lucifer doesn’t have his full powers.

After exchanging Cliff’s Notes on why each is not dead/in another dimension, Lucifer forestalls Castiel stabbing him by explaining that WE ARE ALL IN DANGER. AND IT’S NOT ME THIS TIME.

Over beers in a bar (I’m not kidding; that’s the least-daft thing about this whole episode), Lucifer explains that alt-Michael is much more powerful than his brother in this reality. Which makes no sense, but whatever. Lucifer wants Castiel to help him find Jack so they can form their own version of TFW and kick alt-Michael’s ass when he comes through the portal (which, if course, he will, because why waste any time on introducing him, otherwise?). Personally, I remain quite salty about what this show has done to this reality’s Michael, but there you go.

Castiel, to his credit, is totally unimpressed and pretty hung up on the part where Lucifer killed him the last time they met. They trade a few insults and Lucifer tries to schmooze Castiel. He keeps banging away at how God is not there.

Castiel insists he has to talk to Sam and Dean. Lucifer says they’d just put him back in the Cage. Castiel points out that’s exactly what he wants, too. Lucifer finally clues in that Castiel doesn’t know where Jack is.

Back at the Bunker, Dean gets a call from a contact he made (the motel manager whose clerk Asmodeus just wasted). He puts two-and-two together, especially since Asmodeus was stupid enough to show up personally at the motel, and comes up with Asmodeus looking for Jack.

Meanwhile, Sam is letting Ketch wander around the Bunker in manacles. Because Sam really is written that dumb this week.

Ketch keeps up with the charade. Dean doesn’t buy it. Ketch unwisely asks about Mary, but Dean refuses to give him any info.

He gets a call from Castiel, but Castiel is caught by Lucifer, who walks off with Castiel’s phone. Dean realizes something odd is going on and heads off with Sam to meet up with Castiel. Dean is unhappy about the idea of leaving Ketch locked up in the Bunker.

At the bar, Lucifer is having a hissy-fit once Castiel brings him up to speed. All he cares about is whether or not Jack is powerful, and he assumes that Jack tortured the Winchesters.

Before Castiel can set him straight, Asmodeus and his crew show up. Bleah. I am so over this guy. He just needs to die. Also, I really, really hate his henchdemons.

Lucifer insults Colonel Sanders. Asmodeus instead decides to defy Lucifer and does so successfully. I roll my eyes really hard.

The Brothers enter the bar, only to find it empty and dark. The bartender has been smoked by Asmodeus, so he can’t help.

Fortunately, Asmodeus has left behind his henchdemons to take out the Winchesters, so there’s a fight (where, it must be said because there’s an important plot point here, Dean does better than Sam). One demon is about to take out Sam when Ketch shows up and kills her, while Dean takes out his last demon.

Sam is actually dumb enough to ask how Ketch got out. Dean isn’t as dumb as Sam, though, and pulls a gun on Ketch, having finally found the evidence he needs to confirm it’s really him.

Ketch admits that the whole “twin brother” thing is just his cover. He’s on the run from the LoL as a deserter and works on the downlow as a sort of enforcer in the magical world. Sam asks how he’s alive and he says Rowena was captured by the LoL once and he helped her escape in exchange for her giving him the same charm she used to resurrect. After Dean tells him Lucifer killed her (and Ketch acts skeptical), he admits that he has to recharge the “device” and tries to snow Dean a bit, which Dean doesn’t buy.

Ketch: Did it ever occur to you, Dean, that I might actually be one of the good guys?

Dean: No. Not even once.

When Ketch realizes Dean is going to kill him – again – he throws down a smoke bomb and flees, but not before Dean gets a shot at him and wounds him.

Later, Dean gets a call from “Castiel,” who claims everything is fine on his end, now. But of course it’s Asmodeus. Asmodeus then monologues to Ketch (who is working for him) that he’s keeping Lucifer and Castiel on tap for now, and that he needs “that nephilim” if he’s going to beat alt-Michael. Ketch replies, “You really needn’t worry.” Yeah, this show really didn’t need this character back and it sure as hell doesn’t need Asmodeus. What a way to reduce the impact of the original YED.

Credits.


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The Official “Tombstone” (13.06) Live Recap Thread


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I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


Recap of Jack’s storyline that goes way over the top trying to get the idea across that he’s really a good kid, despite being highly destructive and also emphasizes how boring and unnecessary he is. Good times. Then we get some recapping of Castiel’s death and rebirth, sans the awesome song from last week. Guess they couldn’t afford Steppenwolf two weeks in a row.

Cut to Now in Dodge City, KS, where Dean and an older cop named Sarge are roaming a graveyard at night with guns and flashlights, intently searching for something unseen and highly dangerous. Dean grumps that the MOTW is “messing with us” and goes ahead to “flush him out.” But instead, Sarge gets grabbed from belowground and disappears.

Cue title cards.

Gee, I wonder if we will get a lazy flashback – yup, we did. “48 Hours Earlier.”

Cue the sneak peek by the payphone, where Dean hugs Castiel (and then Sam does) and Castiel explains he was in the Empty. He assumes the Brothers somehow brought him back. Dean says that they didn’t even think they could do that. They bandy about the possibility that Chuck did it, but Castiel repeats the Empty entity’s claim that Chuck has no power there (which is crap, since Castiel’s been dead many times before and Chuck always brought him back). Sam then guesses it must have been Jack (bleah) and looks all proud.

So, they get back the Bunker and show him to Jack, who is thrilled at Castiel’s return and they hug. But Jack has no idea how he might have brought Castiel back. Jack then proudly shows them what he’s been up to in their absence. He’s learned how to levitate a pencil and geeks out over a case of a pocket watch that turned up at an antiques shop after having been buried with someone. He thinks zombies. Sam and Castiel are skeptical, but as son as Dean hears the case is in Dodge City, he’s all over going.

Once there, it turned out Dean got them the best room in the house, which includes photos of all sorts of outlaws (Dean geeks out over every one). A little worried, Jack comments that Dean sure loves cowboys and Castiel rather grimly agrees.

Later, Sam comments that Dean seems very happy, which is great considering how depressed he’s been (Saammmm, just let it goooooo), but he seems skeptical about something. Probably Castiel’s resurrection, since Dean is just willing to let that one go as a genuine win for once.

Meanwhile, a young cop is checking out an abandoned, stolen truck with the lights still on. He hears rustling in the corn and freaks out, but that doesn’t prevent his being dragged under the truck and eaten.

Back at the hotel, Sam and Dean are asleep, Dean snoring, while Jack (who doesn’t sleep much) and Castiel (who doesn’t sleep at all) talk about Heaven and how Jack’s mother must be there. Castiel goes on about what a saint she was (Show, she was a walking womb for Nephilim and *if* her soul still exists, it’s pretty unlikely the angels let it go to Heaven. Move on). Jack says he saw Kelly’s message for him and that he had an angel watching over him. Castiel tries to apologize for being dead and Jack talks a bit about how little he remembers being in the womb.

Castiel decides to venture into the territory of Kelly being convinced that Jack is going to turn the planet into a paradise. Because that’s always worked out so well in the past. [/sarcasm]

Jack gets a hit on whatever search he’s doing (presumably the young cop who just got eaten) and rushes off to wake up Dean, despite Castiel’s warnings. Dean wakes up yelling and wielding a gun. Once they calm him down, he demands coffee.

As Dean caffeinates, Castiel tells Jack, “I told you. He’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Meanwhile, Sam is checking out Jack’s find. The young cop was found covered in “bite marks,” which could be all sorts of MOTWs. Sam says he’ll go to the graveyard with Jack, while Dean and Castiel go interview cops at the crime scene.

That morning, Dean and Castiel drive out to the crime scene. Dean is dressed to the nines, while Castiel is in his trenchcoat and a ten gallon hat. Dean geeks about “blending in.” I facepalm in second-hand embarrassment. Oh, yeah. This is going to be classic.

Sonofabitch, they got Steve Miller Band’s “Space Cowboy.” Now *I’m* geeking out.

Anyhoo, they walk up to the scene, with Dean asking who’s in charge and Castiel doing a pretty terrible-yet-disturbingly-accurate impression of Nathan Lane’s impression of John Wayne in The Birdcage.

Dean introduces himself to “Sarge” from the teaser as “Agent Russell,” while Castiel introduces himself as “Val Kilmer.” Gotta give Sarge credit – he just rolls with it.

Turns out the dead cop was Sarge’s nephew and his throat got slit. He figures them for Texas Rangers. Apparently, this wasn’t the original cover, as Castiel begins to correct him, but Dean interrupts Castiel and goes along with the new ID. Sarge looks skeptical, but rolls with it.

Dean says they’re tracking someone across state lines who’s been robbing graves. Sarge says his nephew was looking into a local grave robber. His only warning to them is that if he catches the guy first, he’s taking him out personally. Dean looks like he can respect that.

In the morgue, the medical examiner is doing her autopsy while listening to The Bonecollectors’ “They Call Me Zombie.” Sam and Jack try to talk to her, but it takes a while. Actually, it turns out her name is “Athena” and she’s the undertaker.

She claims not to know much about the grave robbing, having been at a concert, and Jack makes things a bit awkward by asking odd questions about ghosts.

Outside in a graveyard, Jack sees a lot of EMF. Sam says that there usually is a lot of EMF in graveyards. The coroner apparently claimed rats got into the coffin, but it looks as though something busted out of the coffin from the inside, which Sam notices and comments on. Then Sam gropes under some dirt in the grave and finds a gnawed-on half of a pelvis.

Back at the hotel, the Brothers and Castiel concur it’s a ghoul. Castiel explains that you kill them by beheading (Dean, from gruesome, onscreen personal experience, adds, “Or bashing their brains in).

As Team Free Will 2.0 (Dean’s earlier designation) discusses who it could be, we get a quick flash of Athena. Both Castiel and Sam suggest it’s her, but Dean points out that she’s an undertaker. She already has access to the bodies. She doesn’t need to dig them up.

Jack then finds some traffic cam footage from not long (well … broad daylight) before the dead cop’s death and Dean recognizes the driver of the stolen vehicle. It’s Dave Mathers (who is, at that moment, slapping Athena on the butt and schmoozing her). Thing is, Dave Mathers was a gunslinger who died almost a century and a half ago.

Meanwhile, Athena has gotten a letter of acceptance into Carruth, where she could become a makeup and FX artist. But Dave isn’t happy because it’s in LA and would be expensive. As the show dances around the possibility that Athena is also a ghoul, she suggests she could sell the mortuary, which makes Dave unhappy.

Back at the hotel, TFW2.0 is discussing how a ghoul could eat a very dead gunslinger and Jack remembers he saw a photo in the morgue of Dave with Athena. They’re dating. Off all four of them go to the morgue/mortuary, where they try to explain to Athena what’s going on.

Meanwhile, Dave is robbing a bank.

As he exits the bank, Dean confronts him with a rifle. Sam, Castiel and Jack also come up. It turns out the ghoul likes to keep pieces of Dave around to “gnaw on.” Improbably, Dave survives the initial exchange of gunfire. Unfortunately, the security guard comes out to grab Dave at the same moment Jack decides to TK him, and the security guard is thrown into a pillar and dies. Castiel is unable to revive him.

Jack is devastated, while the others discuss that this was his first time killing someone (well … besides Dagon and his mother). Dean sends the three of them back to the Bunker with the intention of continuing the Hunt on his own.

Meanwhile, Athena is discovering Dave robbed the bank to help her get out of town, but also that he killed the cop. As things get ugly, they’re interrupted by car headlights. Both Sarge and Dean arrive. The bank teller ID’d Dave as Athena’s boyfriend.

After a brief discussion in which they both admit they’re vigilantes (and Dean tells Sarge how to kill him), we get the teaser scene all over again.

Dean is initially very hesitant about going into the tunnel after Sarge and the ghoul, but does so, anyway, grumbling all the way: “Come to Dodge City! Have some laughs!”

Random cut to the Impala, where Sam and Castiel try to cheer Jack up, Castiel by admitting he’s killed people who didn’t deserve it. He insists Jack can “do better,” that it’s not the end of the world.

Jack doesn’t want to hear it.

Dean arrives back in the mortuary by way of the tunnels. He finds Athena, tied up. He tells her her boyfriend isn’t human. He also finds Sarge. But maybe he’s one of them … nope. He’s still Dave. He comes up behind Dean and gets the drop on him.

He tells Athena he’s doing it for “us.” Athena just breaks up with him. Dean taunts him over it.

Dave gets mad and tells Dean he shouldn’t have come down armed (um … but Dean did) and that he’s “not fast enough.”

Dean says, “No … but he is.” And he steps aside for Sarge to blow Dave’s head off. Afterward, Dean gets Sarge to agree to blame the security guard’s death on Dave, too.

Back at the Bunker, Jack is still wallowing. He says that maybe he’s still “just another monster.” Dean says he doesn’t believe that, anymore. He says they’ve all done bad things (something Sam and Castiel also say).

Jack doesn’t really buy it. He thinks that he can’t do good things, no matter what he does, and that he cares about them too much to be around them and hurt them (or something). He then uses a burst of sparks to toss them across the room and (despite not having wings previously) flies away. Really, Show? Like this character wasn’t already ridiculously overpowered?

Credits.


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