Category Archives: Season 13

The Official “Tombstone” (13.06) Live Recap Thread


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I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


Recap of Jack’s storyline that goes way over the top trying to get the idea across that he’s really a good kid, despite being highly destructive and also emphasizes how boring and unnecessary he is. Good times. Then we get some recapping of Castiel’s death and rebirth, sans the awesome song from last week. Guess they couldn’t afford Steppenwolf two weeks in a row.

Cut to Now in Dodge City, KS, where Dean and an older cop named Sarge are roaming a graveyard at night with guns and flashlights, intently searching for something unseen and highly dangerous. Dean grumps that the MOTW is “messing with us” and goes ahead to “flush him out.” But instead, Sarge gets grabbed from belowground and disappears.

Cue title cards.

Gee, I wonder if we will get a lazy flashback – yup, we did. “48 Hours Earlier.”

Cue the sneak peek by the payphone, where Dean hugs Castiel (and then Sam does) and Castiel explains he was in the Empty. He assumes the Brothers somehow brought him back. Dean says that they didn’t even think they could do that. They bandy about the possibility that Chuck did it, but Castiel repeats the Empty entity’s claim that Chuck has no power there (which is crap, since Castiel’s been dead many times before and Chuck always brought him back). Sam then guesses it must have been Jack (bleah) and looks all proud.

So, they get back the Bunker and show him to Jack, who is thrilled at Castiel’s return and they hug. But Jack has no idea how he might have brought Castiel back. Jack then proudly shows them what he’s been up to in their absence. He’s learned how to levitate a pencil and geeks out over a case of a pocket watch that turned up at an antiques shop after having been buried with someone. He thinks zombies. Sam and Castiel are skeptical, but as son as Dean hears the case is in Dodge City, he’s all over going.

Once there, it turned out Dean got them the best room in the house, which includes photos of all sorts of outlaws (Dean geeks out over every one). A little worried, Jack comments that Dean sure loves cowboys and Castiel rather grimly agrees.

Later, Sam comments that Dean seems very happy, which is great considering how depressed he’s been (Saammmm, just let it goooooo), but he seems skeptical about something. Probably Castiel’s resurrection, since Dean is just willing to let that one go as a genuine win for once.

Meanwhile, a young cop is checking out an abandoned, stolen truck with the lights still on. He hears rustling in the corn and freaks out, but that doesn’t prevent his being dragged under the truck and eaten.

Back at the hotel, Sam and Dean are asleep, Dean snoring, while Jack (who doesn’t sleep much) and Castiel (who doesn’t sleep at all) talk about Heaven and how Jack’s mother must be there. Castiel goes on about what a saint she was (Show, she was a walking womb for Nephilim and *if* her soul still exists, it’s pretty unlikely the angels let it go to Heaven. Move on). Jack says he saw Kelly’s message for him and that he had an angel watching over him. Castiel tries to apologize for being dead and Jack talks a bit about how little he remembers being in the womb.

Castiel decides to venture into the territory of Kelly being convinced that Jack is going to turn the planet into a paradise. Because that’s always worked out so well in the past. [/sarcasm]

Jack gets a hit on whatever search he’s doing (presumably the young cop who just got eaten) and rushes off to wake up Dean, despite Castiel’s warnings. Dean wakes up yelling and wielding a gun. Once they calm him down, he demands coffee.

As Dean caffeinates, Castiel tells Jack, “I told you. He’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Meanwhile, Sam is checking out Jack’s find. The young cop was found covered in “bite marks,” which could be all sorts of MOTWs. Sam says he’ll go to the graveyard with Jack, while Dean and Castiel go interview cops at the crime scene.

That morning, Dean and Castiel drive out to the crime scene. Dean is dressed to the nines, while Castiel is in his trenchcoat and a ten gallon hat. Dean geeks about “blending in.” I facepalm in second-hand embarrassment. Oh, yeah. This is going to be classic.

Sonofabitch, they got Steve Miller Band’s “Space Cowboy.” Now *I’m* geeking out.

Anyhoo, they walk up to the scene, with Dean asking who’s in charge and Castiel doing a pretty terrible-yet-disturbingly-accurate impression of Nathan Lane’s impression of John Wayne in The Birdcage.

Dean introduces himself to “Sarge” from the teaser as “Agent Russell,” while Castiel introduces himself as “Val Kilmer.” Gotta give Sarge credit – he just rolls with it.

Turns out the dead cop was Sarge’s nephew and his throat got slit. He figures them for Texas Rangers. Apparently, this wasn’t the original cover, as Castiel begins to correct him, but Dean interrupts Castiel and goes along with the new ID. Sarge looks skeptical, but rolls with it.

Dean says they’re tracking someone across state lines who’s been robbing graves. Sarge says his nephew was looking into a local grave robber. His only warning to them is that if he catches the guy first, he’s taking him out personally. Dean looks like he can respect that.

In the morgue, the medical examiner is doing her autopsy while listening to The Bonecollectors’ “They Call Me Zombie.” Sam and Jack try to talk to her, but it takes a while. Actually, it turns out her name is “Athena” and she’s the undertaker.

She claims not to know much about the grave robbing, having been at a concert, and Jack makes things a bit awkward by asking odd questions about ghosts.

Outside in a graveyard, Jack sees a lot of EMF. Sam says that there usually is a lot of EMF in graveyards. The coroner apparently claimed rats got into the coffin, but it looks as though something busted out of the coffin from the inside, which Sam notices and comments on. Then Sam gropes under some dirt in the grave and finds a gnawed-on half of a pelvis.

Back at the hotel, the Brothers and Castiel concur it’s a ghoul. Castiel explains that you kill them by beheading (Dean, from gruesome, onscreen personal experience, adds, “Or bashing their brains in).

As Team Free Will 2.0 (Dean’s earlier designation) discusses who it could be, we get a quick flash of Athena. Both Castiel and Sam suggest it’s her, but Dean points out that she’s an undertaker. She already has access to the bodies. She doesn’t need to dig them up.

Jack then finds some traffic cam footage from not long (well … broad daylight) before the dead cop’s death and Dean recognizes the driver of the stolen vehicle. It’s Dave Mathers (who is, at that moment, slapping Athena on the butt and schmoozing her). Thing is, Dave Mathers was a gunslinger who died almost a century and a half ago.

Meanwhile, Athena has gotten a letter of acceptance into Carruth, where she could become a makeup and FX artist. But Dave isn’t happy because it’s in LA and would be expensive. As the show dances around the possibility that Athena is also a ghoul, she suggests she could sell the mortuary, which makes Dave unhappy.

Back at the hotel, TFW2.0 is discussing how a ghoul could eat a very dead gunslinger and Jack remembers he saw a photo in the morgue of Dave with Athena. They’re dating. Off all four of them go to the morgue/mortuary, where they try to explain to Athena what’s going on.

Meanwhile, Dave is robbing a bank.

As he exits the bank, Dean confronts him with a rifle. Sam, Castiel and Jack also come up. It turns out the ghoul likes to keep pieces of Dave around to “gnaw on.” Improbably, Dave survives the initial exchange of gunfire. Unfortunately, the security guard comes out to grab Dave at the same moment Jack decides to TK him, and the security guard is thrown into a pillar and dies. Castiel is unable to revive him.

Jack is devastated, while the others discuss that this was his first time killing someone (well … besides Dagon and his mother). Dean sends the three of them back to the Bunker with the intention of continuing the Hunt on his own.

Meanwhile, Athena is discovering Dave robbed the bank to help her get out of town, but also that he killed the cop. As things get ugly, they’re interrupted by car headlights. Both Sarge and Dean arrive. The bank teller ID’d Dave as Athena’s boyfriend.

After a brief discussion in which they both admit they’re vigilantes (and Dean tells Sarge how to kill him), we get the teaser scene all over again.

Dean is initially very hesitant about going into the tunnel after Sarge and the ghoul, but does so, anyway, grumbling all the way: “Come to Dodge City! Have some laughs!”

Random cut to the Impala, where Sam and Castiel try to cheer Jack up, Castiel by admitting he’s killed people who didn’t deserve it. He insists Jack can “do better,” that it’s not the end of the world.

Jack doesn’t want to hear it.

Dean arrives back in the mortuary by way of the tunnels. He finds Athena, tied up. He tells her her boyfriend isn’t human. He also finds Sarge. But maybe he’s one of them … nope. He’s still Dave. He comes up behind Dean and gets the drop on him.

He tells Athena he’s doing it for “us.” Athena just breaks up with him. Dean taunts him over it.

Dave gets mad and tells Dean he shouldn’t have come down armed (um … but Dean did) and that he’s “not fast enough.”

Dean says, “No … but he is.” And he steps aside for Sarge to blow Dave’s head off. Afterward, Dean gets Sarge to agree to blame the security guard’s death on Dave, too.

Back at the Bunker, Jack is still wallowing. He says that maybe he’s still “just another monster.” Dean says he doesn’t believe that, anymore. He says they’ve all done bad things (something Sam and Castiel also say).

Jack doesn’t really buy it. He thinks that he can’t do good things, no matter what he does, and that he cares about them too much to be around them and hurt them (or something). He then uses a burst of sparks to toss them across the room and (despite not having wings previously) flies away. Really, Show? Like this character wasn’t already ridiculously overpowered?

Credits.


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The Official “Advanced Thanatology” (13.05) Live Recap Thread


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Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


Recap of death, both little d and big D, including some of Dean’s greatest deaths hits and Dean killing Death, plus Billie from last season getting killed off.

So, we can expect something about death this episode.

Cut to Now in Grand Junction, CO, in the woods at night. I’m sure whatever is about to happen will end well.

Two Doomed Teaser Teens are about to jump a fence to get in somewhere. With video cameras. It’s an old mental hospital and the pretty, bigger boy (Evan) is far more into it – too into it – than the other. Evan recounts to the boy a story of a man there who used to slice open patients’ skulls. The other boy suggests that maybe the culprit should cut open Evan’s skull to make him shut up. Good idea.

Up the stairs they go, recording all the way. The other kid hesitates, but Evan shames him into going up. We also find out that another kid, Mike, wisely “punked out” and didn’t come.

Upstairs, they find hospital beds, lots of dust, and a small OR with plague masks on a shelf. Evan tells the other kid to take one and put it in his bag. They hear a creaking noise, but Evan dismisses it. Evan is brave until the creaking gets louder and they hear whispers. They both run downstairs, where Evan gets knocked down and drilled by a ghost in a plague mask and butcher’s apron. The other kid gets bloodied, but breaks free and runs out of the house, Evan’s screams in his ears. He loses is camera in the process, so so much for evidence.

Title cards.

Cut to Dean having a PB&J sandwich for breakfast as Sam walks in. Sam comments on this, opens the fridge, and hands Dean a beer. “Live a little,” he says. Dean, who had previously demurred, asks Sam what is going on with him. Sam deflects and starts relating this case he found, which is, of course, about the DTTs we just met.

By the way, Misha Collins is listed as third lead.

Sam gives the other kid a name – Sean Rader – and says he was found wandering down the road, incapable of saying anything but the single word, “monster.”

Sam suggests they go without Jack, since Jack is binge-watching Sam’s sword and sorcery movies, and says they should go work a case themselves. In case any fans were wondering about Jack’s longevity as a recurring character, he’s getting the Kevin-in-MOTWs treatment this week.

In daylight, they pull up to a house in suits. Dean is surprised when Sam hands him his favorite fake ID – Agent Page, but Sam just brushes it off. They’re interviewing Sean’s mother, who says the doctor says Sean is physically fine, but psychologically traumatized so he can’t speak.

Dean goes to talk to Sean, who is drawing pictures of a figure in a plague mask (shades of “Dead in the Water”), while Sam interviews the Mom (who, yes, Eva, was in “Trial and Error”). She says that Sean, Evan and Mike were “inseparable” and that Mike is insisting he doesn’t know anything about what happened.

Dean tries to get Sean to talk to him by saying he sees monsters in his dreams, but that he and his brother are the things that monsters fear. Alas, it doesn’t work.

As they get back the hotel, Sam suggests they go to a strip club, called the Clam Dive (ewwwwwwww), which he read reviews about online. Dean calls him on this, too, and how Sam has been nice to him all day, but doesn’t let Sam squirm out of it this time. Sam admits he’s very worried about Dean, that Dean is “in a dark place” and too depressed to care about people and saving them, anyway.

Dean insists he’s fine. As his hand hovers over the front desk call bell, he says will fight his way out of his funk the same way he always does – “with bullets, bacon and booze [ding!] a lot of booze.”

Sean later wakes up from a nightmare. His mom rushes in and comforts him. He actually says something besides “monster” – “okay” – and his mother is relieved at this breakthrough.

But it’s shortlived, as soon after, the ghost with the drill appears in his room and breaks through his skull (for some reason, Sean gets out of bed to meet the ghost).

Sam wakes up in the hotel to the alarm in the morning and is concerned to find Dean’s bed empty. But then he hears snoring and finds Dean passed out on the floor, a spilled beer next to him, his tie around his head, a pink bra around his neck, on top of one of his shoes. I so want a screencap of that.

Though concerned that this isn’t quite what he had in mind, Sam quietly gets dressed and leaves to interview the remaining kid, allowing Dean to sleep it off on peace.

Mike is working at a barn, moving some hay bales (sure don’t miss doing that). Mike is nervous and Sam works out of him that his friends went to “the old Meadows place” and he was too scared to go. Poor Mike is genuinely worried about them.

Back at the hotel, Dean, in dark glasses and still in his suit (sans tie) from the night before, is eating a ton of bacon at the complimentary breakfast. When Sam comes in and snarks about it, Dean says, “What happened to you being nice to me?”

Sam pulls out a large bottle of booze.

Dean [taking it]: “You are forgiven.”

Sam fills Dean in on the Dr. Meadows, who was a creepy psychiatrist who experimented on his patients back in the 1960s. He gave them lobotomies and continued to keep and experiment on those who survived. He was eventually caught and executed.

Dean notes that one of the photos has a mask similar to the one Sean drew. Sam calls it a “plague mask” (got it in one) and says Dr. Meadows was wearing one when he was arrested. They had to rip it off. Sam also later says that Meadows was cremated, so maybe he’s attached to an object Sean took from the house (you know, like the mask Evan stuck in his backpack).

Sam gets a call. It’s from Penny, Sean’s mother. She says Sean is missing. After she comforted him the night before, she went to bed. It then got very cold, so she went into his room to see if he needed a blanket. He had simply disappeared.

Both brothers immediately guess it’s a ghost, probably Meadows’. Dean feels guilty about not trying harder to get Sean to talk, though Sam says Sean might still be alive.

Sam guesses that since Meadows held his “patients” prisoner at his house, that might be where Sean is.

At the house (which looks remarkably like the one from “Regarding Dean” and “There Will Be Blood), Sam’s EMF goes off like crazy, but Dean spots the ghost first. Behind Sam. Sam gets knocked aside and then the ghost goes after Dean. Dean gets thrown up against a wall and the doc goes after him with his drill.

Sam dispels the ghost with iron before Dean can get trepanned and up the stairs they go, looking for Sean. They find the office. Dean notices the line of masks and correctly guesses they are Meadows’ tie to this world (the missing one is not mentioned). When he touches one, they hear the ghost scream in another part of the house.

Sam starts laying down a line of salt in front of the door while telling Dean to burn the masks. Dean does so as the ghost blasts away the line of salt and comes after Sam. Fortunately, it goes up before it can attack him (nice effect).

Problem is, as the Brothers are exiting down the hallway, their breath mists up again. Sam suggests one of Meadows’ patients is still trapped. Dean guesses a *lot* of them are still trapped. They run to the stairs as doors slam and lights burst. On the stairwell, Dean asks why the ghosts can’t become visible and Sam guesses they’re not strong enough to “pierce the Veil.” Dean grumps that they can kill the Brothers, though.

Dean decides he needs to take a shamanic soul trip to the Veil to lead the ghosts (as a psychopomp) out of this life after asking them what they still want. While Sam protests, Dean pulls out a case with two honking huge needs – one that will kill him and one that will bring him back (yes, this is medically stupid; let’s just roll with it) – and stabs himself with it, after telling Sam to give him three minutes and then bring him back.

As an upset Sam gently lays Dean’s body down, Dean reappears as a fetch nearby. He tries to attract the attention of a wandering spirit, but is ignored. He then sees a red-haired woman (apparently a Reaper) who tells him she can lead him out of this world. He introduces himself briefly as Dean and says he’s busy, then leaves. As he does, she looks horrified, recognizing the name.

Apparently, Reapers can fly again and aren’t really angels, anymore. Or something.

Sensibly, Sam lays a ring of salt around Dean’s body and holds vigil as thunder crashes. Meanwhile, the panicked Reaper is in some kind futuristic archive, calling out “Dean Winchester is in the Veil!”

Dean is following the ghost from before, but it vanishes into a wall, still ignoring him. Then he meets Sean. Sean is dead. He tells Dean what happened. The ghost appeared in his room and possessed him. He then took the mask and put it on, going back to the house. Then he took the mask off and put it back, and the ghost made him trepan himself with the drill. He says he misses his mom.

Dean apologizes. Sean says Evan is also there, but they can’t leave. Dean says he’s going to help Sean go “to a better place” and asks him where the doc put his body. Then he runs up the stairs to where Sam is trying to revive him. But it’s not working and Billie (you know, the Reaper Castiel killed last season) appears in a long coat, with a scythe. She says, “We need to talk.”

Dean asks her how she is “alive” after Castiel killed her. She says that when an “incarnation” of Death is killed, the next Reaper killed takes its place. Not sure how that works when the Winchesters were the ones who started the trend of killing Reapers, but okay. Anyhoo, she was the next Reaper killed, so she got promoted.

She then takes him to the archive (which she calls her “Reading Room”) and the archive is full of shelves with a W on them (one might even say they’re infinite). He asks if he’s dead – that is to say, if he’s permanently dead. She says that depends on him. He tries to leave, but she says she’s not giving him a choice, per se. She wants to know how he crossed over to an alternate reality. It turns out even she doesn’t know how.

Dean acts cagey and insists on a deal. His deal is to let the ghosts in the Meadows House move on. She agrees immediately and the red-haired Reaper who sounded the alarm on him appears in the house and leads all the ghosts (including Sean and Evan) to the other side. Billie says it’s done and Dean asks how he can know. She says he can’t, so he gives her what she wants to know. He tells her about Jack and the “little rip” and that yes, he and Sam went to the other reality and it sucked.

Billie explains that the entire “multiverse” they both live in is a “house of cards” that could easily be “knocked down by some big dumb Winchester.” Dean allows that “that sounds like us.”

But Billie’s not done. She says Dean’s changed. She asks why he didn’t throw being sent back into his deal. He says he figured that was already off the table and he wasn’t coming back this time (so he kinda lied to Sam back there). Billie says that no, it’s more. He’s lost his feeling invincibility, that he can win even the highest stakes. She also correctly susses out that he really wants to die (but hasn’t he for a long time now?).

Dean shrugs this off: “What do you want me to say? It doesn’t matter. *I* don’t matter.”

But he’s in for an unpleasant surprise as we finally get back to the season 11 storyline season 12 summarily dropped.

“Don’t you?” Billie says, the first shot off Dean’s bow.

It all comes pouring out. “I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I couldn’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down.”

Dean says if it’s his “time,” he’s okay with that. He’s “not gonna beg.”

Billie then points out that everything “on this shelf” is a record of how Dean dies. She doesn’t say if any of those deaths will stick, just that his “choices” determine how he goes out. Eventually. Maybe. She affably, almost cruelly, dangles the possibility that someday, he might actually die a permanent death and then informs him that none of the deaths recorded in that enormous archive says he dies right then.

Oops.

Billie says that since she got her promotion, her vistas have been expanded, as it were, and she realizes how important the Winchesters – how important *Dean* – are to the SPNverse, which does not thrill her at all, since they are humans and, well, Winchesters. Just like Chuck, she does say, “You and your brother.” But just like Chuck, there’s that little pause before “and your brother” (and the cold reality that Sam’s death has been dangled in front of Dean too many times as a motivator to indicate Sam’s importance is the same to Chuck and Death as Dean’s importance). It’s as though she knows that Dean can’t bear to hear he has to carry this load completely alone. He’s already lost too much. She then tells him that he’s got work to do, though she won’t give him any details. All she does, really, is impress on him that he is (or has somehow become) an indispensable cog in the operation of the SPNverse.

Dean says, “Hmm.” He says that a lot in this scene and each time … well … it’s an interesting reaction because it shows how he’s just taking it in and calmly assessing stuff that would put any other human in a corner, gibbering.

And then, Dean finally drops his cloak of indifference to his mother’s fate and tries to ask about her. But Billie snaps her fingers in the middle of his question and he wakes up to a very relieved Sam and a very quiet house.

The next morning, the coroner’s office brings out several dead bodies, including Sean, Evan and a bunch of skeletons. We see Sam comforting Penny and then he walks past the row of skeletons on a tarp to Dean, who is sitting on the trunk of the Impala. Dean asks out Penny is and Sam says, basically, about as you could expect. Sam then asks Dean about his spirit trip and why he came back after the drug didn’t work. Then he asks about the ghosts, which are all gone. Dean tries to duck it for “another time,” but Sam points out these generally don’t happen (this is not entirely fair, since Dean has opened up later on in the past, but Sam does deserve an explanation this instance, I think, and sooner than later).

So, Dean tells Sam he saw Death, who is now Billie, and that she sent him back because “we’re important” and “we have work to do.” He admits he has no idea what that means.

Sam then asks him if he’s okay. Dean decides to be honest. “No, Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay.” He admits that he’s losing faith in the Family Business, that the recent losses have become too much. “I just need a win. I just need a damned win.”

They get in the car and drive away as we get a montage of bodies coming out and Penny seeing her son one final time and weeping, to Dean driving as the Impala goes through a field of grain and Sam sleeps, and to Billie opening a book in Dean’s huge archive. Goodness, is that Steppenwolf? Why, yes, it is. “It’s Never Too Late.”

Oh, but there’s a coda, people.

In the car, Dean gets a call as Sam wakes up. Dean is so shocked that he’s speechless. We switch to the Impala coming down a city street, still at night, past a storefront church with a neon-blue cross, Steppenwolf still on the soundtrack. As the car stops and the Brothers get out, Dean looks shocked, almost shell-shocked, as someone by a payphone turns around. It’s Castiel, looking bewildered and then starting to smile as he sees Dean.

Credits.


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The Official “The Big Empty” (13.04) Live Recap Thread

Standard recap of the season so far, including Jack and a quick cut of the MOTW from “Nightshifter.” Gee, I wonder what the MOTW will be this week?

Cut to Now in Madison, Wisconsin, where a man is entering his house and turning on lights. A woman is waiting for him. She says hi and he says she’s dead. She approaches him, says she missed him, and then stabs him to death before walking out.

Cue title cards.

In the Bunker, Sam is back from a food run and Dean is doing research. Dean grunts when Sam ask him how he’s doing. Dean has found the case of DTG (who was murdered by his dead wife), but is hesitant to take Sam along and leave Jack. Sam suggest they take Jack along. My response is identical to Dean’s: “Oh hell, no.”

Dean figures that as long as Jack is at the Bunker with them, he’s not out on the loose doing something awful. Which is actually a good point. Sam doesn’t like it, though, and Dean points out that maybe Sam’s just mad because his plan to use Jack to rescue Mom isn’t going so well. Sam then not only crosses that line, but swandives over it by asking if Dean is okay with the idea of their mother dead.

The look Dean gives Sam could blister paint. In the Antarctic.

Anyhoo, Sam ends up going to ask Jack if he wants to come along. Jack at first says no, correctly citing Dean’s reference to him the previous episode as “an interdimensional can opener” as a sign that Sam is “using” him. Sam then turns this around by appealing to Jack’s grief over his mother by talking about how Mary is trapped on the other side of the rift Jack created and saying that no, really, he still cares about Jack, and he won’t let Dean hurt Jack, especially if Jack shows himself making an effort to be good and win Dean over. Jack naively buys the Puppy Dog Eyes o’ Doom hook, line and sinker. But it’s still pretty cold.

In the car, in their FBI suits, the Brothers are getting ready to interview a witness to the killing and explaining about ghosts and revenants to Jack. Of course, the recap has already pretty much spoiled which MOTW it is, but hey, let’s just roll with it.

Sam tells Jack to check out the crime scene while Dean tells Jack to stay in the car. Jack checks out the crime scene, but he’s got nothing. The Brothers also get nothing when the EMF shows no reading on it. Dean says that means a revenant, but when they dig up the wife’s grave (Dean has Jack dig the hole while he has a beer; Sam has issues with this for some reason and compares Dean to John), they find an intact body, very dead. So, they burn the remains, explaining to Jack that his mother can’t come back because they burned her bones, and go to Plan B.

Meanwhile, somewhere on a dark and empty soundstage, Castiel is wandering around, confused.

He’s also being stalked by something dark and oily.

That night, a middle-aged woman gets a flat tire and calls in for help. Then she sees her son in the backseat. He eats her. At the crime scene the next morning, the Brothers are confused. Dean sends Jack on a food run. Sam complains that Jack isn’t their “intern.” Make up your mind, Sam. Either you want Jack to prove himself to Dean in some way, or you don’t.

As Jack returns with food, and confusion over how human interactions work, the Brothers discuss a connection between the victims – both of them were seeing a therapist who may or may not be a genuine medium. Dean snarks about psychiatrists. Considering his previous very-negative experiences with them, this is fairly understandable. But it still doesn’t mean he’s not the one on TFW most desperately in need of therapy right now.

Dean points out that patient confidentiality means they can’t go in as FBI, but he really hates Sam’s idea for all three of them to go in as patients. They meet an odd dude on the steps going in (whom Dean and Sam ignore, but Jack cheerily greets) and an officious assistant inside. Dean is pushy about wanting to see the therapist today. She then comes downstairs and introduces herself as Mia Vallens and asks if they have a recent bereavement. Jack says his mother just died. Sam says it’s their mother and they’re all brothers (you know, as if the idea of Jack as the kid brother character weren’t already obvious).

She invites them in and immediately clues in that Dean is hostile to therapy. Sam snarks at Dean about it, saying he’s not dealing well with his grief, and Dean gets hostile. He says that he’s dealing just fine, seeing as how he’s actually acknowledging their mother is dead, while Sam is in denial.

Sam gets angry and yells at Dean that at least Dean “had a relationship” with Mary, that she was always calling him. And then he storms out of the room.

This was a head-scratcher for me, since Sam was the one last season insistent on giving Mary space and telling Dean to leave her alone, then asking Dean how she was doing instead of texting her himself. Mary was very distant at first and Dean had to put in a lot of work to make that relationship continue, work Sam chose (for various reasons, some good, some not so good) not to do and tried to discourage Dean from doing. So, it seems a bit odd to get mad at Dean now about it.

Anyhoo, Sam storms out, gets some water, and spots a stairway to an upper story that has a privacy sign on it. Which, being a Winchester, Sam naturally doesn’t respect. He totally goes up there.

Sam immediately hits paydirt with blood on the pristine banisters and the shower curtain in a bathroom. He also finds shapeshifter goo in the tub. Oops.

Back in the exam room, as Dean openly drinks booze in front of her from his flask, Dr. Vallens has Dean’s number, pointing out that he just drove one brother out of the room and the other (Jack) is terrified of him. She says that if Dean wants to hold onto his anger, that’s okay, but he’s using it against everyone else.

At that moment, Sam bursts in and belts out that she’s a shapeshifter. Dean also draws down on her and they accuse her of killing her patients, while a confused Jack looks on (Jack’s confused a lot in this episode). Dr. Vallens insists she’s never killed anybody (though she is a ‘shifter). Her therapy involves shifting into the form of a dead loved one who died suddenly so grieving people can find closure, and that’s it. She’s very surprised to hear that two of hers are dead. She knows the Brothers are Hunters (duh) and insists she has an alibi. And it checks out.

Meanwhile, Castiel calls out his stalker, who turns out to be some entity that rules the Empty (where Castiel is). Except the Empty is “nothing” as Castiel says, the nothing that existed before God and Amara even existed. Yeah, whatever. It doesn’t hold together if you think about it very hard. Anyhoo, said entity (which looks just like Castiel) isn’t thrilled that Castiel woke him up, since none of the other angels and demons who died and came there for an eternal sleep ever did, and he hates being awake. So, he tortures Castiel to find out what’s going on.

He also brags that even God has no pull in the Empty. We know for a fact that’s not true, since God has brought Castiel back from the d-e-a-d more than once, as well as saying he could conceivably reconstruct even the archangels given enough time. Yay for LOL!canon.

The Brothers question Dr. Vallens about who could be killing her patients. She says she used to be with another shifter, named Buddy, who liked to hurt people, “ruin their lives,” and then kill them. She bailed, but he may have found her and stalked her. Patients and staff are in and out of her house all the time, so anyone could have seen her files (HIPAA violations! HIPAA violations everywhere!). She suggests maybe her assistant for a suspect. Poor guy. Dean goes to check him out. Jack volunteers to come along, to Dean’s displeasure.

At the place, Dean tells him to “stay in the car.” Jack says he wants to help, that Sam told him about his “plan to save your mother.” Dean straight-shoots that “Sam’s plans don’t always work out.”

It turns out the assistant isn’t the shifter, just a dude with several cats.

Sam has a conversation about closure and her method with Dr. Vallens (I am pretty sure this is the same actress as the one who played the doomed fake psychic in “The Mentalists.” I liked her) while he scrolls through her CCTV footage. Eventually, he finds one with the flashing eyes of a shifter. It is, of course, the weird guy who greeted the Brothers and Jack when they first came in, a guy named Driscoll. Dr. Vallens says he’s only been seeing her for a few weeks.

Meanwhile, Castiel’s Empty half is complaining that Castiel won’t let him sleep. Castiel suggests the entity send him back so that he can help Sam and Dean. Instead, the entity shows him the worst hits and sins of his life.

Sam decides to check out the shifter himself (at no time does anybody make any attempt to check whom they are really speaking with). Dr. Vallens tells Dean and Jack when they get back. Jack asks to talk to her and tells her about his mother. She takes the form of Kelly (God, are we ever going to be free of that insipid character?) and hugs Jack. He says he’s afraid because he wants to believe Sam and his mother that he’s good, but most of the time, he doesn’t feel any emotions at all. “Kelly” tells him that what matters is what he does, not what he is. Bang that on-the-nose dialogue home, Show.

Meanwhile, Dean is calling Sam and eventually Sam calls back, saying he found the real Driscoll and he’s dead. But it wasn’t actually Dean who took the call. Dean is unconscious on the floor. It’s the shifter. It knocks Jack out (Jensen Ackles had fun with that) and then rips its own face off to reveal Driscoll!shifter.

Back in the Empty, the entity is beating on Castiel, trying to get him to go back to “sleep” rather than return to the world and back to being a “disappointment.”

Castiel takes the beating, but tells the entity it can’t make him sleep. He’ll fight and they’ll both go insane, or the entity can send him back.

Back in the world, Dean wakes up only after he’s chained to the mantle. The shifter wants Vallens to kill them, but she refuses. Dean gets knocked out trying to warn Sam (after encouraging Jack to use his powers to snap the cuffs), but the shifter uses Sam’s voice to lure him in and like an idiot, Sam walks right into the trap.

Jack panics and throws the shifter into a wall. Sam then shoots the off-kilter shifter. What is it with these easy kills for Sam? I totally get that Jared Padalecki is tired of getting injured doing stunts (he’s had some doozies over the years). Who can blame him? But that doesn’t mean the way they’re just handing kills to Sam these days is fun to watch.

Later, Dr. Vallens tells the Brothers and Jack that she will take care of things with Driscoll. Apparently, that will ruin her career. It’s not too clear what consequences she’s taking on besides saying she killed him.

Back at the Bunker, Dean visits Jack in the kitchen and tells him, “You did good today, Jack,” then leaves. Jack smiles to himself, this time not so creepily.

Dean also hands Sam a beer and apologizes for provoking Sam at the doctor’s office. He admits that Jack may be more useful than he previously wanted to believe. Sam, as usual, flips and plays Devil’s Advocate – what if Mary is actually dead? What if he’s in denial. Dean says that Sam needs to “keep the faith” for them both, since he can’t right now.

Meanwhile, Castiel wakes up in a field. Or is it Castiel and not the entity? Who even freakin’ knows, anymore?

Credits.

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The Official “Patience” (13.03) Live Recap Thread


Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.

This is, by the way, the first of the backdoor pilot episodes for the projected spin-off, intended to introduce the title character.

Standard recap of the season so far, as well of Wraiths. Pretty Jack-heavy and includes a brief bit about Sam’s demon-blood drinking. Nothing particularly exciting and no rock songs used.

Cut to Now in Omaha, NE. A young blonde woman is dusting a photo of her with Missouri and closing up shop for the night. She’s a professional psychic. The door opens and a man comes in. She starts to tell him she’s closed, but agrees to do one last job for the evening. I’m sure this will end well.

She does some Tarot cards and answers his questions about her being a “psychic counselor.” She says she reads “energies, auras.” He asks her to read his and realizes he’s a Wraith. He stabs her in the hand and then eats her brain while looking sexual aroused. Yup.

Cue title cards.

At the Bunker, cue the sneak peek as Dean is listening to the Rolling Stones’ “Rip This Joint” through headphones while drinking a lot of beer. In his room, Jack gets a knock on the door from Sam, who has a boring, insipid video message of emotional support from beyond the grave (since Jack killed her being born) from Saint Kelly on a thumb drive (product placement, much?). As this plays, Sam gets a call from Missouri Moseley from season one’s “Home.” She’s at the scene of Doomed Teaser Psychic’s shop and is asking for help while apologizing for “being a stranger.”

Sam gets off the phone and tells Dean who it was. He says Missouri told him she’d got out of the Life for a while, but had been pulled back in by a case and that he put Jody on it because they need to stay at the Bunker and help Jack hone his powers, so he can open the rift again to rescue Mary–sorry, be all that he can be. Dean calls Sam right out on his false compassion for Jack and says he “didn’t sign up for” babysitting the baby “Antichrist,” nor is he thrilled that Sam is putting Jody in potential danger like that. So, off he goes to help her with the Hunt.

Gotta say, I’m with Dean on this one.

So, in broad daylight the next day (it was night when Missouri called Sam), Jody is talking a policeman for Missouri when Dean drives up. Missouri explains to Jody that the DTP, named Dede, was her “protegee” and about the closest thing she currently has to family. When Dean arrives, he hugs Missouri first and Missouri gives condolences on his losses. There is zero reference to the fact that she was a complete bitch to him the last time they met.

Inside the house, Dean and Missouri both suspect the killer was a Wraith and Missouri gets from a series of images by feeling objects that it is indeed a Wraith, who feeds on psychics for some reason, and then an image of an African American man named James. Dean tells Jody that Missouri’s thing was sensing from objects, except that her thing was actually telepathy. Psychic blanket BS Powers Syndrome strike again.

Cut to Jack and Sam talking about…uh…stuff. Sam wants to train him to do stuff (Sam doesn’t mention his totally mercenary motive to rescue Mary). First, he has Jack move a pencil. Except Jack can’t seem to do stuff on cue.

Cut to Missouri having an awkward phone conversation with James, who doesn’t believe in her visions. He hangs up on her. She comes out and tells Dean and Jody to go save James (who is her son) and her granddaughter Patience. She’s going to stay behind because she’d just “complicated things.” When Dean protests that this is a bad idea, Missouri reverts to full-on bitch mode and he just says, “Yes, ma’am.” [grrrr] She thanks him, but the damage is done. I am so over this character, who is obviously about to get a cameo kill-off along the lines of Sarah from “Provenance.”

Jody, to her credit, notices the awkwardness.

Back to Jack, who is mentally wrestling with that pencil. Sam tries to coach him through it by asking him how it felt. Jack that stuff just happens, except with Asmodeus, who was “in my head.” Jack gets upset and says he can’t do it with Sam staring at him. Sam says they’ll take a break and he’s off to get some food.

At DTP’s place, Missouri is waiting for the Wraith, who has come back to the scene of the crime for no logical reason given in the story. She tells him she’s seen the future (again, Show, Missouri didn’t previously have precog powers. If she had, she’d have been of much more use in “Home”) and that she dies, no matter what. She’s not going to give him the satisfaction of screaming, but she is certain her “people” will kill him. Well, he’s been pretty stupid so far, so that shouldn’t be too hard.

At a school, Patience is getting lured into playing volleyball by a friend because she has amazing reflexes. Or something. Her friend leaves and the lights fritz. She finds bloody footprints and then her dead grandmother saying her name. She’s attacked from behind and then wakes up from a dream. As she comes out into the office, she talks to her father about her dream. He insists it was just that, but as she leaves, he looks thoughtful.

So, James is actually even more obnoxious than Missouri. Yay.

As he’s buying a freakin’ bar’s worth of beer at a convenience store, Dean sees a TV news story about Missouri’s death. Out at the pumps, he tells Jody and regrets not staying to protect Missouri. Jody asks if they should go back, but Dean says Missouri asked them to go protect her family and that’s what they’ll do.

At James’ home, they get a predictably cold reception from him until they get across to him that yep, his mother is really dead and yep, the cause was supernatural. Jody then rather forcibly insists James pull his head out his ass about the realization that he is indeed the putz who hung up on his mother right before he died. They don’t have time for that.

They really don’t have time for that since here’s Patience at school, experiencing deja vu from her dream. Confused, Patience goes back to her locker, but when she shuts the door, there’s the Wraith. I actually don’t mind Patience, and the actress seems pleasant so far, but boy, does she not look at all young enough to be in high school. That’s a bit distracting.

Anyhoo, the Wraith gets all MRA creepy with Patience, but she has a bit of spunk. She kicks him in the nuts (do Wraiths have nuts?) and the breaks off his stinger/sucker/needle. He tackles her and says it grows back, but gets shot from behind by Dean. He runs as Dean runs after him, blocks the door, and then tries to run Dean down in a Pedo Van after Dean chases him out into the parking lot.

Back inside, Dean and Jody have a talk with Patience. As with her father, they bruskly break through her denial about being a psychic and tell her her estranged grandmother, who allegedly abandoned her and her father after her mother died, is dead.

At the Bunker, Sam is watching Jack through a spy camera and reading up on baby books. Because that’s totally not creepy, or anything. Jack appears to disappear, but he’s just hiding in a corner. He says maybe his powers don’t work because they’re evil and he’s evil, because Dean said so. Jack says his mother said he could be good, but realizes she’s dead because of him and he’s already done evil. And he can’t do a simple “good” thing like push a pencil.

Sam gives him a pep talk that sounds pretty damned insincere, considering all he really wants is for Jack to help him break Mary out of the alt-verse. Though Sam does at least admit that he’s pushing Jack too hard and they should stop for a while. Jack thinks that’s a great plan. Jack asks Sam why Sam is being so “nice” to him and not only does Sam not mention his very mercenary motive, he also does the same damned thing he’s been doing for 13 years and makes it all about himself, his own conflicts, his own issues. He says he’s empathizing with Jack, but that’s never been true before, so….

Back on the Wraith Hunt, Patience is confronting her father. It turns out he lied–a bit–about Missouri cutting them out of her life. Turns out it was the other way round. He talks about always being on the road, Hunting, as a child, except that 13 years ago, Missouri lived in a house, Show. Can’t these writers do a little damned research on show canon before writing these episodes?

Anyhoo, Jody and Dean once again cut to the chase and inform him that Patience is also psychic, which she confirms. The Wraith is now after her. James tells her to go upstairs and pack (because her being alone right now is SUCH A GOOD IDEA). Upstairs, Patience holds a broach and has a memory/vision of Missouri giving it to her at her mother’s gravesite after Daddy gave his mom the boot. Then she starts to pack, opens the closet door, and gets kidnapped by the Wraith. Of course. [facepalm]

Jody makes calls while Dean checks traffic cams for the Pedo Van. Meanwhile, James is going through his mother’s photos and things. He has a bag of something he calls “lithomantic gems.” It turns out James was able to do magic, too, which makes him look like even more of a dick.

Patience wakes up tied to a chair in a room. The Wraith comes in and creeps all over her. He started off on mental patients and accidentally happened across a real psychic. They give him a rush, make him “clear” or whatever. He’s going to take his time eating Patience because her grandmother tasted so darned good. Ugh.

Suddenly, Dean, her father, and Jody come in and the Wraith flees. But then James gets killed, then Jody, and finally Dean. Unsurprisingly, it’s a vision. Also, it’s total bullshit in light of the skills and abilities of the other three. Things start to pan out as before, but Patience is able to warn them so the first two just get knocked out. Her warning to Dean, though, works. After a longish fight, Dean kills the Wraith.

Afterward, Patience finally admits she’s psychic.

Afterward, Jody compliments Dean on the Wraith kill, while Dean compliments Patience (for the second time) on her help. Patience also thanks Dean and Jody. Patience talks about going back to school. Her father wants her to deny her gift (because that’s worked out well so far). Dean backs up James, pointing out that becoming a Hunter is a “horrible” and lonely life, full of pain, with no “joy.” Well, he should know. Jody, on the other hand, suggests that Patience might want to pursue her gift. Jody tried to get Claire to avoid Hunting, too, and it didn’t work out so well. She gives Patience her card. Dean doesn’t look thrilled, but he doesn’t object, either.

Back at the Bunker, Sam says he heard about Missouri and they have it out about Jack. Sam does yet another blame-Dean speech, saying that Dean didn’t think Sam was not worth saving when he was drinking demon blood. Dean soft-pedals around the part where Sam, while high on said blood, beat him half to death–twice–but gets right in Sam’s face about Sam’s hypocrisy in encouraging Jack so Jack can “save” Mary and brings up Jack’s brainwashing Castiel while still in the womb.

Jack is listening to the whole thing. Dean’s words precipitate a vision of Castiel lying on the ground someplace dark and cold. When Jack whispers Castiel’s name, Castiel hears him and wakes up.

Credits.

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The Official “The Rising Son” (13.02) Live Recap Thread


Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.

The recap has me snorting in laughter right off. The recap starts with Ramiel (remember him? I had to look up his name, he was that forgettable) spouting off about how crossing the YEDs is BAD and they will come after you. Sure, except that three out of four of them are now toast thanks to TFW, so not exactly shaking in my sneaks, Show.

The recap also tells us (again) that the Brothers have lost a lot of people in the past couple of episodes (Crowley is not shown or mentioned) and we get Dean’s insistence again that he will eventually have to kill Jack. Considering Jack is a bunch of cheap walking plot cheats, Dean’s absolutely right.

Cut to Now and two demons in Crowley’s throne room. One of them is a Lucifer loyalist (I believe I’ve mentioned before that demons are stupid) who is convinced the Lord of Hell will return and “bring us out of chaos.” Suddenly, exit door bursts open in a flash of light and in walks Colonel Sanders–sorry, Asmodeus, the last surviving YED. You see, the show kept a spare for our sins.

Asmodeus introduces himself by sparing the loyalist and two other demons, then burning the others in their hosts. He intends to rule until Lucifer “and his son” return.

Cut to a car chat between the Brothers, with Jack asleep in the backseat. Sam wants to drive (because Dean has been driving all night) and also to talk about their losses/lick their wounds one more friggin’ time. If I were Dean, I’d pull over just to slap him.

Sam also wants to talk about what to do with Jack. Dean says if they knew how to kill Jack, he’d be dead, already, and that’s still the plan. Dean points out to Sam that alliances with bad people and giving bad people the benefit of the doubt have never worked out for them. Dean doesn’t add that Sam’s judgement flat-out sucks in this area. I mean, Sam is so self-centered that he actually thinks opening up the rift again to find Mary is a good idea.

Meanwhile, Lucifer and Mary are trying to find a way out in a dead world. Lucifer is monologuing to Mary that he intends to trade her for her sons when they get back to SPNverse Prime. Mary points out that Lucifer doesn’t have the first clue about raising a child, which makes Lucifer snippy. But before they can bicker some more, a fireball blasts into the hillside next to them and Mary disappears.

Meanwhile, in Crowley’s Throne Room, the loyalist is reporting that both Lucifer and Jack have disappeared, and taking notes. Asmodeus is philosophical about the first thing, rather more annoyed about the second. After smacking the loyalist around a bit for being presumptuous and pedantic, he explains how he got the scars on his face (demons have never manifested scars on their host before, but this is a Nepotism Duo episode, so it’s Ignore All Canon And Make Stuff Up Time). He then monologues some more (another boring Nep Duo specialty) about how he got them. He wanted to please Lucifer, so he freed some demons called the Shedim in order to train them. Lucifer was afraid of the Shedim, so he locked them back up and scarred Asmodeus. And that’s how you fail the Lord of Hell.

At a hotel, Dean is grumping that they should still be on the road. Sam points out that Dean was hallucinating about sheep. In the room, Jack starts to watch Scooby-Doo (obvious product placement foreshadowing is obvious). Dean sends him to the couch and gives him a Bible to read. Sam offers to let Jack sleep on a bed, but Jack says it’s okay. He starts reading the Bible.

Later, as they eat and Sam wards the room, Jack eats like … well … Dean and copies everything he does (which irritates Dean). Mind you, Jack doesn’t copy Sam at all.

Jack asks about Lucifer in the Bible (Lucifer is actually a very different thing in the Bible than he is post-biblically and is not Satan). The Brothers sort of fill him in and Jack says that hey, he’s God’s grandson (honey, everything in Creation is God’s children, so don’t get so excited).

Man, there is a lot of yakking in this episode.

They hear a noise at the door. The Brothers pull their weapons and Dean drags the intruder through the door. It’s Donatello. Remember him? He was a Prophet in season 11 and Amara ate his soul. He explains this to the Brothers and that he solves moral dilemmas by asking “What would Mister Rogers do?” And it appears that with God gone–again–he’s retired. Except that God was gone for a long time before he returned, so that makes no sense.

Anyhoo, he sensed Jack’s birth and followed him. The Brothers make introductions back and forth. And they get Jack tatted up and Dean points out to Sam that he’s fixated on the kid a bit too much. Meanwhile, Jack zaps the tattoo artist when he’s startled by the pain.

It’s no use. The tattoos just disappear. And afterward, they’re being watched by a possessed homeless woman.

Jack gets upset during the ensuing dull debate over Nature vs Nurture and teleports. So, that answers Dean’s previous question about that ability. Jack pretty much sprouts abilities as the writers feel like it, which is not a good sign for this character’s longevity.

Sam goes and talks to Jack. Meanwhile, Dean is talking to a sketchy barmaid with daddy issues. Probably possessed. Ah, nope. The real barmaid is dead with her throat cut behind the bar and it’s Asmodeus in disguise. Or something. While this power has been shown before (in Ben Edlund’s “The Mentalist”), it has only appeared once, presumably because it’s hard to write around how the Brothers can compete with a shapeshifting demon that can also teleport.

Also, the death count of female extras vs male extras is rather lopsided this episode. Another Nep Duo kinda thing.

Wow, we’re only halfway through? Ugh. This episode is endless.

The next morning, Sam and Donatello have a conversation about Jack and whether or not he can be Good. Sam insists that Kelly was a saint and that Jack has only the vaguest idea about baby daddy Lucifer, so Jack can be Good.

I have to say I am completely over the way the show tries to handwave its over-the-top and well-telegraphed fridging of her by posthumously whitewashing Kelly. Kelly was no saint. She was originally a high-powered White House staffer who was also using her position to engage in a sexual affair with her boss on the downlow. When she found out she was pregnant with the Devil’s child, she ran away and later tried to commit suicide, while pregnant. The Kelly who revived was, at best, brainwashed by her son and at worst just a resurrected womb. She was a deeply flawed woman who ended up in the situation she did in part through her own choices (which did not include intentionally getting knocked up by Satan). I don’t think she deserved what happened to her, but I also think it’s pretty gross how the show keeps banging away at her “heroic” sacrificial choice to die birthing her son when by that point she literally had no choice left in the matter. As soon as conception occurred, she was a dead woman walking. That is a nasty message to send to women. Stop it, show! Bad show! [bops showrunners on the nose with a virtual newspaper]

Back to Mary, who encounters a gun-toting Hunter. After he establishes she’s not an angel or demon, he tells her there are very few women left and even fewer female Hunters. Then he gets all creepy on her. She fights back. He knocks her down and goes to shoot her, but Lucifer puts a fist through his back. Yes, that’s right. The show set that up just so Lucifer could save her life.

Mary is not appropriately grateful, so Lucifer tortures her a bit.

Hard to believe this episode was co-written by a woman. It is all kinds of bad-touching with the female characters for no good reason. But what am I saying? We’re talking about Buck-Leming here.

Back at the hotel, Sam ONCE AGAIN tries to force a conversation with Dean over their recent losses. I get the show thinks this makes Sam look compassionate, but all I can think is that all this terrible shared trauma that Dean is supposed to open up about seems awfully academic to Sam. Remember “Everybody Loves a Clown” when Dean called Sam out on that? Yeah. Better writers that time.

Then Donatello walks in with breakfast and doesn’t know what Sam is talking about with that earlier conversation about Nature vs Nurture. Seems Asmodeus stole Jack right out from under Sam’s nose. I legit laughed at Sam for that.

So, Dean goes into a room and encounters a demon. He gets his ass kicked and Sam stabs the demon from behind.

GODDAMNIT, SHOW, CAN’T YOU LET DEAN HAVE EVEN ONE KILL, THESE DAYS?

In the hallway, Donatello, who can track Jack, gets attacked (see what I did there?) by a demon. Dean takes out said demon with a thrown angel blade. Still pretty salty about the show handing Sam Dean’s kills on a platter after Dean gets tossed around the room, though.

Out standing in some random field, Jack is being exhorted by fake Donatello to open up a hole to Hell and let something out. In the car on their way to stop him, Sam looks in John’s journal and discovers a reference to a Hell gate that opens up to terrible, unnameable creatures (i.e., the Shedim). Except that the Brothers have that journal memorized at this point and ought to have been aware of that passage, as well as the significance of being near Jasper, WY. Big fail, Show.

Jumping back to Mary and Lucifer (too many friggin’ storylines in this one), with Lucifer whinging some more about Mary’s failure to respect his authority. I don’t understand why Lucifer is just walking around with Mary tagging along when he could just pick her up and fly wherever he needed to go in nanoseconds. That’s lame.

Anyhoo, some angels show up. Inexplicably, they are wearing military fatigues because…well, they just are. They demand that Lucifer identify himself. He kills them and then another angel shows up. Lucifer doesn’t recognize him at first, but it turns out to be Michael. This is ridiculous. Angels can see each other’s true forms inside their vessels, just as demons can see each other’s true faces inside their hosts. That’s just dumb. Hell, the entire storyline involving the Nephilim includes angels being able to sense archangels from a goodly distance away.

Alt-Michael monologues a bit and has a conversation of sorts with Lucifer. Then they, uh, fist-fight (no, I am not kidding; there are actual fisticuffs) and Lucifer gets his ass kicked. But alt-Michael decides to spare Lucifer because he needs him for some reason. We are not told what because that would actually involve plot resolution.

Anyhoo, the Impala finally arrives where Jack is being snookered into allowing out creepy orange-arm creatures with black claws (that’s all we see of them). Asmodeus has to reveal himself when Dean shoots him and chokes out TFW. This cause Jack to go after him, so Asmodeus flees. I think.

Later, back at the Bunker, Sam tries, for the umpteenth time, to tell Dean that Jack can be Good because he “came through for us today.” Dean responds that it was just a reflex and goes to bed. On the way, he encounters Jack, who is passing the time stabbing himself, to no avail. Dean takes the knife from him. Jack worries he doesn’t have his powers under control and that “I will hurt someone.”

Dean’s cold comfort is that if Jack does lose control and have to be killed, “I will be the one to do it.”

Credits.

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Review: Supernatural: “Lost and Found” (13.01 – Season Premiere)


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[lots o’ spoilers ahead]


Well. That happened.

Where to start? I have to say that this episode, like the season 12 finale, was remarkably tedious. Okay, perhaps “remarkably” is the wrong adjective for a turgid mess of cold oatmeal. Still, I was very bored and if there’s one thing Supernatural generally isn’t, it’s boring. But Dabb as a showrunner and the Nepotism Duo in charge of the Writers Room seem capable of dousing even the sparkiest sparks.

There were a few big problems here. One was a complete lack of surprises in terms of pre-existing SPNverse elements, except where the show ignored canon for no damned good reason (as in ignoring the part where Kelly, at least, ought to be in Heaven, so why is Sam saying they hope she’s in a better place?), or simply forgot about it (as in the part where two angels were blown away by a banishing spell while another one in the next room wasn’t – um … what?).

I also didn’t like the lame attempt at generating suspense by jumping around in the episode’s timeline and saving a few bucks for the super-expensive Metallica song (“Nothing Else Matters”) in the season 12 recap by recycling a fair amount of footage from previous seasons. The use of super-expensive songs in an episode generally signals an attempt to perfume stinky writing as often as it accentuates a great scene. This was true even in season one (thinking of an episode like “Hook Man,” here, which has almost back-to-back rock songs and hasn’t held up so well over time).

The angels were tedious dicks, including the bitchy Millennial one who pretended to be a drunk girl so obviously that it became clear early on she was Up To No Good. Holy crap, was she annoying. Her death wasn’t nearly painful enough. She should have seen Jack not be hurt by her blade before she died.

Also, for all her sarcasm and ridiculous anger at Dean, she turned out to be all hot air and no threat, not to mention, frustratingly vague. I guess that’s why Sam was able to kill her when he’s never been able to kill an angel in the past. Yeah, that’s snarky, but really, Show? Enough with giving easy kills to Sam to “balance” out classic kills made by Dean. It risks diminishing both brothers and that’s the best I can say about that.

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Also, can the show please kill Lucifer, already? My God, am I over him and his perpetual adolescent whining. He’s how many billions of years old now? Grow up, dude.

But hey, at least we had confirmation Mary’s still alive. And kicking.

Second, let’s talk about the new characters, guest and recurring (since I guess we have to). About the only one who made any positive impression on me was the Sheriff. Okay, she’s no Jody Mills, and we’re not liable to see her ever again, but it was downright refreshing to see someone confronted with Dean blandly explaining about the Family Business at his most dissociated and disconnected, and just roll with it because they had already seen sufficient weird to perceive his spiel as reasonable.

This contrasted positively to Annoying Drunk Girl Angel (we’ll just call her ADGA for short) in that, for one thing, it was nice to see Dean lay it all out in such an IDGAF way that the world is bigger and creepier than most humans think, and the other person respond … well … appropriately for her own survival, but with ADGA, Dean didn’t even try to defend himself from her tired and lame accusations.

Now, the angel Ishim from “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” hated Dean, too, but his anger made sense, albeit from his own twisted perspective. It was personal, focused. It reflected his own conflict with the episode’s resident Mary Sue.

In contrast, ADGA came off as spoiled and pissy, whining about Dean being a “Becky” roommate (apparently not the Becky of seasons five-to-seven) who “broke things” and didn’t care about other people. But come on. How many fans actually care about this, especially when there’s an alternate universe next door where the angels got exactly what they wanted and it sucks out loud for everyone else? Plus, it’s a place where the angels broke everything. Foreshadowing of a possible alliance between this ‘verse and that ‘verse’s angels was a little too obvious, so please, Show, edit the angel monologues way, way down from now on. They’re boring and hypocritical.

Then there’s Jack. I was somewhat relieved to see that the actor isn’t as bad as he appeared in the promos (he came across as very, very bad in them), and he even generated a little sympathy, but there’s little for him to work with here. Jack isn’t a character. He’s a walking deus ex machina, written as inconsistently as you’d expect from a character who not only has a faulty, weak conflict, he basically has none at all.

What, precisely, does Jack want? Well, it seems he wants to find his “father” (who turns out to be Castiel, not baby daddy Lucifer, in a not-terribly-surprising twist) and he wants to survive. Or something. Oh, and he has powers that are remarkably malleable (translation: They exist to give the writers a cheap and easy out for times they’ve written themselves into a corner), except, of course, when they conveniently don’t work. They are remarkably inconsistent, even within the context of his being only a day old. I get that the angel sigil didn’t entirely work on him (because he’s half-human. Or something), but the rest? Not so much.

For example, he can understand and speak English thanks to “being” his mother in the womb (so not a reassuring or non-sexist way of phrasing it, Dabb), but though he can hear angel voices and had also bonded with Castiel, he can’t understand them. He’s impervious to an angel blade, but Tasers knock him out. He can’t control his powers because he’s a baby, yet he’s capable of expressing and understanding complex ideas.

Also, the FX for his powers were a bit pants and looked really goofy.

As a character, he just doesn’t make any sense and even more, he doesn’t really have a journey except toward going EVOL and/or dying (as opposed to Amara, who had an atypical bond with Dean from the start and a legit beef with her brother), and he’s never going to fit well into the MOTW format. Yep, no reason to get attached to this character. He won’t be around for long.

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Another big problem is that the show keeps trying to bring in CW tropes, principally from the DC superhero shows, and they don’t work so well. I keep trying to remind myself that the show has always been meta, always been a commentary on what was going on in the genre. That’s what keeps it fresh. And it is on the CW, after all. The problem with going so CW, however, is that the tropes the show currently uses are so plastic, shallow and insincere that it’s hard to care about them. The show works best when it’s a bit rough around the edges and this season premiere was too flaky to evoke that.

Which leads us to the biggest problem of all – once again, as too often happened last year, the show was about everything and everyone but Sam and Dean, yet none of these subplots was compelling enough to make me care, let alone make me forget that Sam and Dean were once again being made guest stars in their own story. In the damned season premiere, no less.

This was especially bad for Sam, since the only part I actually enjoyed was Dean’s grief and rage and sense of abandonment. Perhaps “enjoyed” is not the right word, but at least I was interested, even as I wondered whether this storyline had been interrupted for too long and should have been pursued in last season’s premiere, rather than that idiotic LoL storyline that came out of left field. The angels’ jealousy of Dean (even dismissively referring to Sam as “the other one”), Dean’s half-admission that Chuck left him in charge rather than him and Sam, Dean’s anger and despair over being left with half-truths and no tools for actually running the world, all of these things are intriguing and could potentially be a big arc for Dean. But considering Dabb and Singer took a year-long break from them to pursue other storylines that were a lot dumber and more boring, I’m not hugely confident they’ll remember Dean even has this storyline longer than five episodes down the road. Enjoy it while you can, I guess.

Also frustrating is that Sam’s big plot this season appears to be babysitting Jack because Sam is convinced Jack is Good. Or potentially Good. Or something. Just like his mother Kelly, the walking, saintly, single-mom womb whom nobody watching actually liked or misses.

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Never mind that just a couple of seasons ago, Sam was convinced Dean having the MoC had to be stopped at all costs (even though Dean mostly had it under control, all things considered), to the point that Sam went behind Dean’s back and got the Darkness released. Then he became convinced right off the bat that Amara had to be destroyed and did some pretty stupid things to bring that about, too. Add to that the fact that never in the history of this show has Sam ever thought anyone supernaturally gray could be Good and had that turn out well – and that the first few moments were probably the best time they had to neutralize Jack should he turn out to be a threat – and Sam’s idea that Jack is Good looks ludicrous. Even Sam had to Tase the kid at one point to keep him from attacking Dean.

In light of all this, it was rather eye-rolling that the show wanted us to believe that Dean was the irrational one and Sam was being sensible and compassionate, when everything Dean was saying was actually pretty smart – look for Jack, find out his weaknesses, protect innocents from him, call and warn Jody, pray to Chuck (something that didn’t even occur to Sam until the very end of the episode). The show tried to reinforce this take of Irrational Angry Dean by having Jack act all cherub-like – aside from the odd sinister look, that is. Again, not buying it. This is a character who is far too powerful to exist on the show as-is, who entered the world by killing his own mother, and who brainwashed both her and Castiel while still in the womb. Even if he weren’t Lucifer’s son, I’d think there would be plenty of red flags here that negate any dewy-eyed boy-band appeal in Jack.

This week totally ignored the Hell aspect of the storyline. It seems we’ll get that next week when the incompetent Nepotism Duo turn in their first script of the season (God help us all). Crowley and his death got almost completely ignored this week (though Castiel did at least get kind of a send-off and a Viking funeral). We’ll see how much coverage the ex-King of Hell gets next week. Probably not much.

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You can find my live recap of the episode here.


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The Official “Lost and Found” (13.01 – Season Premiere) Live Recap Thread


Sorry, guys! Starting a little late. I had to do some chores ’cause I’m getting up early tomorrow for work.

Anyhoo, recap of season 12 to Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” that shows how poor season 12 was. Not the first time they’ve tried to hide terrible writing with an expensive song.

Cut to Now. Sam confronts Jack, who has glowing eyes and calls Sam “Father?” Sam, like a moron, says he’s not Jack’s father.

Cut to Dean kneeling beside Castiel, then getting up to go in the house and kill Jack. The shot doesn’t hurt Jack, who then responds with some showy sound FX and throws them into the wall. Expect that not to get repeated much. It looks really expensive.

Cue title cards, which are a glowing, Sauron-like eye.

Flashback to Mary attacking Lucifer, which segues into Mary burning on the ceiling in the Pilot. Dean wakes up (it’s a dream). He and Sam were knocked out until dawn. Dean storms out of the house, asking if Jack has wings. Sam says he doesn’t know.

Cut to Jack walking around naked and then two losers at a fish fry restaurant seeing him outside, naked, asking for his “Father.” They call the one slacker dude’s mom, who is a cop.

In the car, the Brothers argue over what to do with Jack. Dean is all about the holy oil and “hitting him with everything we got.” Sam is all about understanding him and figuring out if he’s EVOL or not. ‘Cause Sam was all about being understanding when the Darkness got unleashed–oh, wait. Sam does ask about whether Castiel really is dead, too. “You know he is,” Dean retorts.

Meanwhile, the Sheriff of North Cove (AKA Slacker’s Mom) is meeting Jack. She introduces herself as Christine Barker and says she’s “just here to help.” Jack smiles a very-much-not-nice smile.

Castiel’s body has been retrieved in record time and put on a table under a sheet in the cabin by two angels, one PoC male who is angry and obnoxious and “racist” about Kelly’s body, and one blonde female who claims to feel sorry for Castiel. Stay classy, show.

Cut to the police station, where Jack is one step away from a psych eval. He’s got clothes, now. Very unimpressed by him, so far. He’s basically a walking plot point.

The Sheriff asks him some questions that go rather poorly, while Slacker watches, mocking. Jack says Kelly is “in Heaven” (rather doubt that, dude) and is looking for his father.

Jack starts talking about “the bad woman” (Dagon) burning and “the universe screamed.” I’m glancing at the clock because damn, this is dull so far. Let’s get back to the Brothers, please, Show.

When she goes to check his fingerprints, Slacker asks him “how high are you?” Jack doesn’t understand his question. And realizes he is hungry.

Meanwhile, I’m discovering the exciting world of drying paint.

Back to Sam and Dean, pulling up (so coincidentally) to the fish fry joint where Jack appeared. Sam wants to go eat something. Dean wants to call Jody and get her to put out an APB on Jack. It’s a topsy-turvy world when Sam wants to eat fried food and Dean wants to work.

Inside, the other Slacker is dealing with an annoying drunk customer. Sam asks the guy if he saw anyone naked wandering around the guy says that why, yes, he did. Sam makes a call to the Sheriff, impersonating an officer, and she is shocked by Jack’s blank slate of fingerprints.

Outside the Pirate fish fry, Dean is walking back to the car with bloody knuckles when he’s accosted by Annoying Drunk Girl who was inside when Sam went in (dear God, woman, GO AWAY). She notices his bloody knuckles, but not that he is retrieving a flask of booze for a drink and to dump on his knuckles. She tells an annoying story about a college roommate called “Becky” (apparently, not Becky Rosen), while Dean coldly eyes her up over the roof of the Impala. Sam comes out why she’s still going on. Sam brings Dean up to speed and they leave while she smirks. Maybe she’s a demon. I don’t and don’t care. Hope she’s Monster Chow soon.

In the station, the lights start fritzing badly and the Sheriff can’t find anyone. Pulling out her gun, she enters the Locker Room, from whence comes creepy laughter. Inside, though, it’s just her son and Jack, eating food from the food dispenser. Jack is discovering nougat. Or something. The light-fritzing turns out to be Jack making the food dispenser operate with his mind. Then he hears angel voices. When the Sheriff tries to stop him leaving, he accidentally shoves her into the machine and bails.

As lights explode, he gets to the squad room and sees Dean, but gets Tased by Sam. The Sheriff, who was unconscious just a moment before, comes into the room, gun drawn, looking fine. Nice lack of continuity, there, Dabb.

I miss when this show didn’t bore me.

So, we need a third act, I guess, so Sam is tossed into a cell, while the Sheriff interrogates Dean. Dean tells her what’s up, the Family Business. Rather than get pissy, the Sheriff asks Dean what Jack is. Dean says he’s a Nephilim.

In the jail cell, Sam talks to Jack, who tells him about hearing the angel voices. Jack asks Sam to tell “them” that he’s “sorry.” Whatever, show.

Sam asks Jack how he knows English. Jack says he talked to her, “I *was* her.” (very much not reassuring). Sam then asks Jack how he got his powers and if he remembers opening the door to the other world. Jack doesn’t know. He says he has to find his father, that his father will protect him.

Sam says that Lucifer doesn’t protect people. Jack says no, his mom said that Castiel would protect him. Sam tells Jack that Castiel is dead.

Outside, Slacker is lighting a cigarette. He’s confronted by Annoying Drunk Girl and the two angels. So, is she an angel, or is she in league with them?

Inside, Dean is releasing Sam, saying the Sheriff believes them. Then they hear Slacker outside scream. As they and the Sheriff come out into the squad room, they see Annoying Drunk Girl with an angel blade to Slacker’s throat.

The Sheriff starts to raise her gun, but Dean warns her not to. Annoying Drunk Girl Angel/Demon wants the Sheriff to shoot Dean to let her son go. Sam is still in the cell.

But it’s mostly a distraction so the other two angels and come in and attack Sam and Jack. ADGA stabs Slacker, pretty much just for kicks, as soon as she hears they’re in. Sam gets his ass kicked and the other two angels take Jack as Dean gets the drop on ADGA. He interrogates her and she smacks him in the head then enters the cell. Sam has blasted the other two angels away with a sigil that almost blasts Jack away, too. She stabs Jack, and gets stabbed by Sam, but only Jack survives. So, that happened.

Outside, the Sheriff goes off with her son in the ambulance, while the Brothers have a talk about Jack. Dean agrees with Sam’s plan to bring Jack back to the Bunker, to minimize the damage and find a way to kill Jack.

Dean chooses to burn Castiel’s body. Sam says maybe they can ask Chuck. Dean says he already tried. That’s why his knuckles are bloody. He prayed to Chuck to bring all of them back and then smacked a restroom wall (repeatedly), and cried, when Chuck failed to answer.

Not sure why the show has decided to forget all about Amara. She might answer Dean’s prayer.

Anyhoo, Dean is now going to burn Castiel and nobody is stopping him: “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

Oh, they also burn Kelly, by the way. Let’s not speak of that drippy, nothingburger character again, Show.

Dean has a moment alone with Castiel to cry over him. Later, Sam talks Jack through a Hunter’s funeral. Dean says goodbye to them all, including Mary. Sam says she may not be dead, but Dean refuses to entertain what he sees as false hope.

Boring music for this. Not very Supernatural.

Over in Alt-Verse, Mary is getting stalked and chased by Lucifer, who is playing with his food. Mary says what, is Lucifer going to kill her now? Lucifer says maybe or maybe not. Maybe he needs her. Whatever, Lucie.

Credits.

Okeydoke, that’s it for tonight. Not the greatest of episodes. Pretty much pointless aside from Dean’s cold, hard turn at grieving.

Expect my review by Sunday night.

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I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

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