Category Archives: Live Recaps

The Official “The Rising Son” (13.02) Live Recap Thread


Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.

The recap has me snorting in laughter right off. The recap starts with Ramiel (remember him? I had to look up his name, he was that forgettable) spouting off about how crossing the YEDs is BAD and they will come after you. Sure, except that three out of four of them are now toast thanks to TFW, so not exactly shaking in my sneaks, Show.

The recap also tells us (again) that the Brothers have lost a lot of people in the past couple of episodes (Crowley is not shown or mentioned) and we get Dean’s insistence again that he will eventually have to kill Jack. Considering Jack is a bunch of cheap walking plot cheats, Dean’s absolutely right.

Cut to Now and two demons in Crowley’s throne room. One of them is a Lucifer loyalist (I believe I’ve mentioned before that demons are stupid) who is convinced the Lord of Hell will return and “bring us out of chaos.” Suddenly, exit door bursts open in a flash of light and in walks Colonel Sanders–sorry, Asmodeus, the last surviving YED. You see, the show kept a spare for our sins.

Asmodeus introduces himself by sparing the loyalist and two other demons, then burning the others in their hosts. He intends to rule until Lucifer “and his son” return.

Cut to a car chat between the Brothers, with Jack asleep in the backseat. Sam wants to drive (because Dean has been driving all night) and also to talk about their losses/lick their wounds one more friggin’ time. If I were Dean, I’d pull over just to slap him.

Sam also wants to talk about what to do with Jack. Dean says if they knew how to kill Jack, he’d be dead, already, and that’s still the plan. Dean points out to Sam that alliances with bad people and giving bad people the benefit of the doubt have never worked out for them. Dean doesn’t add that Sam’s judgement flat-out sucks in this area. I mean, Sam is so self-centered that he actually thinks opening up the rift again to find Mary is a good idea.

Meanwhile, Lucifer and Mary are trying to find a way out in a dead world. Lucifer is monologuing to Mary that he intends to trade her for her sons when they get back to SPNverse Prime. Mary points out that Lucifer doesn’t have the first clue about raising a child, which makes Lucifer snippy. But before they can bicker some more, a fireball blasts into the hillside next to them and Mary disappears.

Meanwhile, in Crowley’s Throne Room, the loyalist is reporting that both Lucifer and Jack have disappeared, and taking notes. Asmodeus is philosophical about the first thing, rather more annoyed about the second. After smacking the loyalist around a bit for being presumptuous and pedantic, he explains how he got the scars on his face (demons have never manifested scars on their host before, but this is a Nepotism Duo episode, so it’s Ignore All Canon And Make Stuff Up Time). He then monologues some more (another boring Nep Duo specialty) about how he got them. He wanted to please Lucifer, so he freed some demons called the Shedim in order to train them. Lucifer was afraid of the Shedim, so he locked them back up and scarred Asmodeus. And that’s how you fail the Lord of Hell.

At a hotel, Dean is grumping that they should still be on the road. Sam points out that Dean was hallucinating about sheep. In the room, Jack starts to watch Scooby-Doo (obvious product placement foreshadowing is obvious). Dean sends him to the couch and gives him a Bible to read. Sam offers to let Jack sleep on a bed, but Jack says it’s okay. He starts reading the Bible.

Later, as they eat and Sam wards the room, Jack eats like … well … Dean and copies everything he does (which irritates Dean). Mind you, Jack doesn’t copy Sam at all.

Jack asks about Lucifer in the Bible (Lucifer is actually a very different thing in the Bible than he is post-biblically and is not Satan). The Brothers sort of fill him in and Jack says that hey, he’s God’s grandson (honey, everything in Creation is God’s children, so don’t get so excited).

Man, there is a lot of yakking in this episode.

They hear a noise at the door. The Brothers pull their weapons and Dean drags the intruder through the door. It’s Donatello. Remember him? He was a Prophet in season 11 and Amara ate his soul. He explains this to the Brothers and that he solves moral dilemmas by asking “What would Mister Rogers do?” And it appears that with God gone–again–he’s retired. Except that God was gone for a long time before he returned, so that makes no sense.

Anyhoo, he sensed Jack’s birth and followed him. The Brothers make introductions back and forth. And they get Jack tatted up and Dean points out to Sam that he’s fixated on the kid a bit too much. Meanwhile, Jack zaps the tattoo artist when he’s startled by the pain.

It’s no use. The tattoos just disappear. And afterward, they’re being watched by a possessed homeless woman.

Jack gets upset during the ensuing dull debate over Nature vs Nurture and teleports. So, that answers Dean’s previous question about that ability. Jack pretty much sprouts abilities as the writers feel like it, which is not a good sign for this character’s longevity.

Sam goes and talks to Jack. Meanwhile, Dean is talking to a sketchy barmaid with daddy issues. Probably possessed. Ah, nope. The real barmaid is dead with her throat cut behind the bar and it’s Asmodeus in disguise. Or something. While this power has been shown before (in Ben Edlund’s “The Mentalist”), it has only appeared once, presumably because it’s hard to write around how the Brothers can compete with a shapeshifting demon that can also teleport.

Also, the death count of female extras vs male extras is rather lopsided this episode. Another Nep Duo kinda thing.

Wow, we’re only halfway through? Ugh. This episode is endless.

The next morning, Sam and Donatello have a conversation about Jack and whether or not he can be Good. Sam insists that Kelly was a saint and that Jack has only the vaguest idea about baby daddy Lucifer, so Jack can be Good.

I have to say I am completely over the way the show tries to handwave its over-the-top and well-telegraphed fridging of her by posthumously whitewashing Kelly. Kelly was no saint. She was originally a high-powered White House staffer who was also using her position to engage in a sexual affair with her boss on the downlow. When she found out she was pregnant with the Devil’s child, she ran away and later tried to commit suicide, while pregnant. The Kelly who revived was, at best, brainwashed by her son and at worst just a resurrected womb. She was a deeply flawed woman who ended up in the situation she did in part through her own choices (which did not include intentionally getting knocked up by Satan). I don’t think she deserved what happened to her, but I also think it’s pretty gross how the show keeps banging away at her “heroic” sacrificial choice to die birthing her son when by that point she literally had no choice left in the matter. As soon as conception occurred, she was a dead woman walking. That is a nasty message to send to women. Stop it, show! Bad show! [bops showrunners on the nose with a virtual newspaper]

Back to Mary, who encounters a gun-toting Hunter. After he establishes she’s not an angel or demon, he tells her there are very few women left and even fewer female Hunters. Then he gets all creepy on her. She fights back. He knocks her down and goes to shoot her, but Lucifer puts a fist through his back. Yes, that’s right. The show set that up just so Lucifer could save her life.

Mary is not appropriately grateful, so Lucifer tortures her a bit.

Hard to believe this episode was co-written by a woman. It is all kinds of bad-touching with the female characters for no good reason. But what am I saying? We’re talking about Buck-Leming here.

Back at the hotel, Sam ONCE AGAIN tries to force a conversation with Dean over their recent losses. I get the show thinks this makes Sam look compassionate, but all I can think is that all this terrible shared trauma that Dean is supposed to open up about seems awfully academic to Sam. Remember “Everybody Loves a Clown” when Dean called Sam out on that? Yeah. Better writers that time.

Then Donatello walks in with breakfast and doesn’t know what Sam is talking about with that earlier conversation about Nature vs Nurture. Seems Asmodeus stole Jack right out from under Sam’s nose. I legit laughed at Sam for that.

So, Dean goes into a room and encounters a demon. He gets his ass kicked and Sam stabs the demon from behind.

GODDAMNIT, SHOW, CAN’T YOU LET DEAN HAVE EVEN ONE KILL, THESE DAYS?

In the hallway, Donatello, who can track Jack, gets attacked (see what I did there?) by a demon. Dean takes out said demon with a thrown angel blade. Still pretty salty about the show handing Sam Dean’s kills on a platter after Dean gets tossed around the room, though.

Out standing in some random field, Jack is being exhorted by fake Donatello to open up a hole to Hell and let something out. In the car on their way to stop him, Sam looks in John’s journal and discovers a reference to a Hell gate that opens up to terrible, unnameable creatures (i.e., the Shedim). Except that the Brothers have that journal memorized at this point and ought to have been aware of that passage, as well as the significance of being near Jasper, WY. Big fail, Show.

Jumping back to Mary and Lucifer (too many friggin’ storylines in this one), with Lucifer whinging some more about Mary’s failure to respect his authority. I don’t understand why Lucifer is just walking around with Mary tagging along when he could just pick her up and fly wherever he needed to go in nanoseconds. That’s lame.

Anyhoo, some angels show up. Inexplicably, they are wearing military fatigues because…well, they just are. They demand that Lucifer identify himself. He kills them and then another angel shows up. Lucifer doesn’t recognize him at first, but it turns out to be Michael. This is ridiculous. Angels can see each other’s true forms inside their vessels, just as demons can see each other’s true faces inside their hosts. That’s just dumb. Hell, the entire storyline involving the Nephilim includes angels being able to sense archangels from a goodly distance away.

Alt-Michael monologues a bit and has a conversation of sorts with Lucifer. Then they, uh, fist-fight (no, I am not kidding; there are actual fisticuffs) and Lucifer gets his ass kicked. But alt-Michael decides to spare Lucifer because he needs him for some reason. We are not told what because that would actually involve plot resolution.

Anyhoo, the Impala finally arrives where Jack is being snookered into allowing out creepy orange-arm creatures with black claws (that’s all we see of them). Asmodeus has to reveal himself when Dean shoots him and chokes out TFW. This cause Jack to go after him, so Asmodeus flees. I think.

Later, back at the Bunker, Sam tries, for the umpteenth time, to tell Dean that Jack can be Good because he “came through for us today.” Dean responds that it was just a reflex and goes to bed. On the way, he encounters Jack, who is passing the time stabbing himself, to no avail. Dean takes the knife from him. Jack worries he doesn’t have his powers under control and that “I will hurt someone.”

Dean’s cold comfort is that if Jack does lose control and have to be killed, “I will be the one to do it.”

Credits.

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The Official “Lost and Found” (13.01 – Season Premiere) Live Recap Thread


Sorry, guys! Starting a little late. I had to do some chores ’cause I’m getting up early tomorrow for work.

Anyhoo, recap of season 12 to Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” that shows how poor season 12 was. Not the first time they’ve tried to hide terrible writing with an expensive song.

Cut to Now. Sam confronts Jack, who has glowing eyes and calls Sam “Father?” Sam, like a moron, says he’s not Jack’s father.

Cut to Dean kneeling beside Castiel, then getting up to go in the house and kill Jack. The shot doesn’t hurt Jack, who then responds with some showy sound FX and throws them into the wall. Expect that not to get repeated much. It looks really expensive.

Cue title cards, which are a glowing, Sauron-like eye.

Flashback to Mary attacking Lucifer, which segues into Mary burning on the ceiling in the Pilot. Dean wakes up (it’s a dream). He and Sam were knocked out until dawn. Dean storms out of the house, asking if Jack has wings. Sam says he doesn’t know.

Cut to Jack walking around naked and then two losers at a fish fry restaurant seeing him outside, naked, asking for his “Father.” They call the one slacker dude’s mom, who is a cop.

In the car, the Brothers argue over what to do with Jack. Dean is all about the holy oil and “hitting him with everything we got.” Sam is all about understanding him and figuring out if he’s EVOL or not. ‘Cause Sam was all about being understanding when the Darkness got unleashed–oh, wait. Sam does ask about whether Castiel really is dead, too. “You know he is,” Dean retorts.

Meanwhile, the Sheriff of North Cove (AKA Slacker’s Mom) is meeting Jack. She introduces herself as Christine Barker and says she’s “just here to help.” Jack smiles a very-much-not-nice smile.

Castiel’s body has been retrieved in record time and put on a table under a sheet in the cabin by two angels, one PoC male who is angry and obnoxious and “racist” about Kelly’s body, and one blonde female who claims to feel sorry for Castiel. Stay classy, show.

Cut to the police station, where Jack is one step away from a psych eval. He’s got clothes, now. Very unimpressed by him, so far. He’s basically a walking plot point.

The Sheriff asks him some questions that go rather poorly, while Slacker watches, mocking. Jack says Kelly is “in Heaven” (rather doubt that, dude) and is looking for his father.

Jack starts talking about “the bad woman” (Dagon) burning and “the universe screamed.” I’m glancing at the clock because damn, this is dull so far. Let’s get back to the Brothers, please, Show.

When she goes to check his fingerprints, Slacker asks him “how high are you?” Jack doesn’t understand his question. And realizes he is hungry.

Meanwhile, I’m discovering the exciting world of drying paint.

Back to Sam and Dean, pulling up (so coincidentally) to the fish fry joint where Jack appeared. Sam wants to go eat something. Dean wants to call Jody and get her to put out an APB on Jack. It’s a topsy-turvy world when Sam wants to eat fried food and Dean wants to work.

Inside, the other Slacker is dealing with an annoying drunk customer. Sam asks the guy if he saw anyone naked wandering around the guy says that why, yes, he did. Sam makes a call to the Sheriff, impersonating an officer, and she is shocked by Jack’s blank slate of fingerprints.

Outside the Pirate fish fry, Dean is walking back to the car with bloody knuckles when he’s accosted by Annoying Drunk Girl who was inside when Sam went in (dear God, woman, GO AWAY). She notices his bloody knuckles, but not that he is retrieving a flask of booze for a drink and to dump on his knuckles. She tells an annoying story about a college roommate called “Becky” (apparently, not Becky Rosen), while Dean coldly eyes her up over the roof of the Impala. Sam comes out why she’s still going on. Sam brings Dean up to speed and they leave while she smirks. Maybe she’s a demon. I don’t and don’t care. Hope she’s Monster Chow soon.

In the station, the lights start fritzing badly and the Sheriff can’t find anyone. Pulling out her gun, she enters the Locker Room, from whence comes creepy laughter. Inside, though, it’s just her son and Jack, eating food from the food dispenser. Jack is discovering nougat. Or something. The light-fritzing turns out to be Jack making the food dispenser operate with his mind. Then he hears angel voices. When the Sheriff tries to stop him leaving, he accidentally shoves her into the machine and bails.

As lights explode, he gets to the squad room and sees Dean, but gets Tased by Sam. The Sheriff, who was unconscious just a moment before, comes into the room, gun drawn, looking fine. Nice lack of continuity, there, Dabb.

I miss when this show didn’t bore me.

So, we need a third act, I guess, so Sam is tossed into a cell, while the Sheriff interrogates Dean. Dean tells her what’s up, the Family Business. Rather than get pissy, the Sheriff asks Dean what Jack is. Dean says he’s a Nephilim.

In the jail cell, Sam talks to Jack, who tells him about hearing the angel voices. Jack asks Sam to tell “them” that he’s “sorry.” Whatever, show.

Sam asks Jack how he knows English. Jack says he talked to her, “I *was* her.” (very much not reassuring). Sam then asks Jack how he got his powers and if he remembers opening the door to the other world. Jack doesn’t know. He says he has to find his father, that his father will protect him.

Sam says that Lucifer doesn’t protect people. Jack says no, his mom said that Castiel would protect him. Sam tells Jack that Castiel is dead.

Outside, Slacker is lighting a cigarette. He’s confronted by Annoying Drunk Girl and the two angels. So, is she an angel, or is she in league with them?

Inside, Dean is releasing Sam, saying the Sheriff believes them. Then they hear Slacker outside scream. As they and the Sheriff come out into the squad room, they see Annoying Drunk Girl with an angel blade to Slacker’s throat.

The Sheriff starts to raise her gun, but Dean warns her not to. Annoying Drunk Girl Angel/Demon wants the Sheriff to shoot Dean to let her son go. Sam is still in the cell.

But it’s mostly a distraction so the other two angels and come in and attack Sam and Jack. ADGA stabs Slacker, pretty much just for kicks, as soon as she hears they’re in. Sam gets his ass kicked and the other two angels take Jack as Dean gets the drop on ADGA. He interrogates her and she smacks him in the head then enters the cell. Sam has blasted the other two angels away with a sigil that almost blasts Jack away, too. She stabs Jack, and gets stabbed by Sam, but only Jack survives. So, that happened.

Outside, the Sheriff goes off with her son in the ambulance, while the Brothers have a talk about Jack. Dean agrees with Sam’s plan to bring Jack back to the Bunker, to minimize the damage and find a way to kill Jack.

Dean chooses to burn Castiel’s body. Sam says maybe they can ask Chuck. Dean says he already tried. That’s why his knuckles are bloody. He prayed to Chuck to bring all of them back and then smacked a restroom wall (repeatedly), and cried, when Chuck failed to answer.

Not sure why the show has decided to forget all about Amara. She might answer Dean’s prayer.

Anyhoo, Dean is now going to burn Castiel and nobody is stopping him: “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

Oh, they also burn Kelly, by the way. Let’s not speak of that drippy, nothingburger character again, Show.

Dean has a moment alone with Castiel to cry over him. Later, Sam talks Jack through a Hunter’s funeral. Dean says goodbye to them all, including Mary. Sam says she may not be dead, but Dean refuses to entertain what he sees as false hope.

Boring music for this. Not very Supernatural.

Over in Alt-Verse, Mary is getting stalked and chased by Lucifer, who is playing with his food. Mary says what, is Lucifer going to kill her now? Lucifer says maybe or maybe not. Maybe he needs her. Whatever, Lucie.

Credits.

Okeydoke, that’s it for tonight. Not the greatest of episodes. Pretty much pointless aside from Dean’s cold, hard turn at grieving.

Expect my review by Sunday night.

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The Official “Who We Are/All Along the Watchtower” (12.22-12.23 – Season Finale) Live Recap Thread


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Recap of recent events and a mention of Walt and Roy.

Cut to Now, with Mary killing her way through a list of people to get to Jody.

In the Bunker, Dean suggests murdering the Twat to save air. I’m all for it, but she claims she’s the only one who can undo Mary’s deus ex machina conditioning. They then try searching through the lore (on Sam’s suggestion) and Sam finds a spell that requires virgin’s blood (they have to purify their blood, since no one is a virgin), but it doesn’t work because Ketch put a dampening spell on the Bunker.

On the second day, Dean suggests breaking out, but the walls are too strong. Sam is for giving up and mopes about having been stupid about the LoL. Little late, there, Sam. Sam says he “followed because it was easier than leading.”

Dean’s not for giving up. Annnnd, Genius Dean gets an idea.

He’s gonna use the grenade launcher. The Twat thinks it’s stupid. Well, sure, but desperate times….

Dean fires in the hole.

It’s still dark. Sam looks for Dean, but can’t breathe. And then, the lights turn on. And the air comes back. Dean enters the Bunker, wounded but alive.

So, Mary shows up at Jody’s. The Brothers go through the dead and then rush to Jody’s house. Jody and Alex have her tied up in a chair.

Dean gets all the booze he needs, while Mary digs in the knife. They bring in the Twat, who admits she lied. Mary’s gone. Dean is going to take her out into the cornfield (okay, Jody’s backyard) and the Twat thinks that

Walt and Roy come in and it’s totally anticlimactic. Damn, the writing has sucked this season.

Sam gives a Big Speech about fighting back. He’s going to be a leader now because apparently, these writers can’t even allow Dean that.

Sam wants Dean to come along, saying Dean is better than any ten Hunters. Dean pleads being wounded and that Sam is “ready.” But Sam senses Dean has an ulterior motive. Dean admits he’s going to try to save Mary. They hug.

Jody has a moving moment with Alex, whom she’s sending out of the fight. Jody is going with Sam.

At the LoL Quonset Hut, Henchbitchstress is marshaling the forces of about a handful of LoL to attack … all of America. I facepalm. Really hard.

Ketch asks a redshirt tech to locate and track Mary. He’s a little horrified to discover she’s back at the Bunker. For many reasons.

Dean doesn’t trust the Twat, but she claims all she wants is a “head-start” to go see her son again. I’m sure hoping this is meant to make her a good guy, so we’ll “feel bad” when Ketch or somebody kills her. Because I sure don’t want her to make it out of this episode alive.

Anyhoo, Dean goes into the dreamworld with his mother. Mary is tending to Baby!Sam (of course she is) and feeding Toddler!Dean. It’s a totally different house layout from the Pilot teaser, where Sam had his own room. Really, show? You were too lazy even to recreate that?

Dean tries to talk to Dream!Mary, but she ignores him.

Sam and the other Hunters storm the LoL – in broad daylight, ’cause that’s smart. They start cold-bloodedly taking out the LoL. You know, the human LoL.

I like the new blonde Hunter. I don’t expect her to make it, but I’ll hope, anyway.

Inside, Henchbitchstress in her matching two-piece and pearls, belatedly and over-confidently orders a counterattack. But the Hunters are already inside.

Dean realizes his mother is intentionally choosing to stay in her dreamworld. As she tells Dream!Dean she says she won’t let anything happen to him, Dean says the words fans have been waiting for all season: “I hate you.”

Dean pours out his anger and resentment about the deal she made. He talks about his abandonment and how he got parentified. How Mary’s promise never came true.

Do you think Jensen is selling this? Of course he is.

Annoyingly, Dean still kinda makes the pain All About Sam, but at least he talks about his own pain first. He repeats that he hates Mary. He says he also loves her. Obviously, he’s very confused. He says he can’t help but love her because she’s his mother. He admits he made deals, too (I think that hurts her the most), and that he forgives her. While crying. He insists they can start over, but she has to fight back (clearly, someone watched the season finale of The Exorcist). He says he needs her to “see me.”

Finally, she turns around and looks at him. She recognizes him.

Back in the Bunker, the Twat is trying to escape. Of course. But it’s too late. Dean is yanked of the dreamworld – by Ketch.

The Twat’s already dead. Dammit, I wanted to see that!

Chez LoL, Walt and Roy are getting killed and Sam is confronting Henchbitchstress. Who fleas into a locked

In the Bunker, Ketch is beating up Dean because Dean’s still got that bum leg.

But Dean’s got some moves left. After all, he survived Purgatory. He does some serious damage to Ketch.

Dean: “When you left us alone in the Bunker? Man, I knew you were psycho, but I didn’t think you were stupid.”

Ketch decides to cheat a little further and pulls a gun. But he gets shot first. By Mary. Dean goes to her, kicking Ketch’s gun out of the way.

Ketch [to Mary]: “I knew you were a killer. You both are.”
Dean: “You’re right.” Mary shoots Ketch.

Henchbitchstress tries to get someone from LoL Central to get her out, but they ignore her. The Hunters blast their way in and Henchbitchstress tries to talk her way out by telling Sam (she mistakes him for Dean, I kid you not) Lucifer got out and Crowley’s dead. LoL Central try to back her up. Sam shoots out the LoL commlink. Jody shoots Henchbitchstress. Yay, Jody.

Sam & Co. blow up the LoL Quonset Hut. Well, there’s a kind of satisfaction to blowing the shit out of a storyline that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I’ll give them that.

Dean finds some mega-pain pills (so he’ll be stoned for the rest of the finale). Mary feels really guilty and apologizes to Dean for being a cold, distant bitch. She says she couldn’t face what she’d done to her sons.

Dean tells her her deal didn’t make them “who we are.” They made themselves heroes who “save the world.”

Mary fears Sam will hate her, but Sam returns at that moment. Group hug. Credits.

So, that ends 12.22.

12.21 doesn’t start too well.

So, we get a recap to “Carry On, Wayward Son” of the season so far. It wasn’t very good.

Cut to Castiel and Kelly at a pretty mountain lake. Kelly is trying to build a Swedish crib and mourning that she will never see her child’s face.

Is anybody else mightily offended by this whole woman-as-walking-womb storyline?

Oh, and in case the misogyny wasn’t high enough, when TFW try to contact Rowena, they get Lucifer, who just incinerated her. Because apparently, she wasn’t worth an onscreen death.

To add insult to injury, Crowley’s “rat” resurrects his usual body in a parody of Dean’s resurrection in “Lazarus Rising.”

TFW bemoans about how the writing won’t let them kill Lucifer or send him back to Hell.

Some ball of light is stalking Castiel and Kelly. In case anybody cares. Castiel finds it as a line of light on the beach. When he touches it, he’s transported to a dark place, where a monster attacks him. Somebody shoots the monsters. Castiel recognizes the person and says, “You?”

Trying not to get excited but PLEASE LET IT BE MICHAEL.

More offensive crap with Kelly talking to the naphil, calling him Jack. Show, she’s got a vicious monsters inside her, not cancer.

Crowley shows up and gets punched by Dean. Dean’s going to kill him, and Mary’s on board, but Sam suggests they find out what Crowley knows, first.

Crowley tells them how he escaped inside a rat. They tell him Rowena’s dead. He admits he wanted to keep Lucifer as his personal nuke (because that worked so well with Demon!Dean).

Sam asks why he’s back in the Bunker. Crowley admits they always come out on top, so he’s throwing in with the winning team. Crowley offers to make it worth their while. He’ll seal the gates of Hell.

Back to Kelly wondering where Castiel is. He’s kinda busy, dummy.

Castiel doesn’t tell her where he was. She says her contractions are starting. Castiel goes on a long, boring thing about a doula course he took.

Meanwhile, TFW is heading out to find Lucifer and Dean leaves Crowley Spork-spiked to a table.

Castiel goes to look out the window at the glowing line of light. Kelly thanks him for helping her (pretty sure that’s because he’s brainwashed).

Outside, we get another look at the light.

Recurring The Originals promo for tomorrow night’s ep that reminds how much worse Supernatural could still be.

Kelly asks what vision Castiel had when he joined up with her and he confirms the show is completely ripping off the Jasmine storyline from Angel.

The lights flicker and he goes downstairs. TFW is there. They tell him Lucifer is out and they’re there to help, at least for now.

Dean groans about his knee. An exasperated Castiel heals him. Sam finds the line of light outside.

Castiel says it’s a “tear in space and time.” He calls it an “alternate reality.” Sam and Dean talk about “The French Mistake.”

It’s a manifestation of the child’s power. The Brothers insist on going there with Castiel.

He says it’s an alternate reality of Heaven and Hell fighting forever. He says a “friend” brought him up to speed.

I foresee a whole lot of retconning to get the writers out of the corner they wrote themselves into.

Castiel says he has faith the Naphil won’t hurt anyone. Dean calls Castiel a “dumbass.” Because Castiel is.

In the other world, they meet a Bizarro!Bobby. I so wish I were joking.

Mary gets stuck helping Kelly, while the Brothers find out the alt-world is one where Mary never made a deal to save John (and continued hunting) and the Brothers were never born. So, they never saved the world.

Bobby kills angels for fun, but sensed Castiel was different. Oh, and Rufus is alive.

C’mon, Dean, angel-killing bullets are not new on your world.

Kelly asks Mary if she’d die for her boys the way she will die for “Jack.” Barf. So much barf.

Crowley shows up.

Damn, we could have gotten a final Rowena scene in half the time this freakin’ baby is taking to get born. So dull.

Castiel comes in to talk to Kelly. He seems to be having second thoughts.

Downstairs, the Brothers are gearing up. What happened to all those Hunters that survived from last episode?

Dean talks about TFW and rather reluctantly includes Crowley.

Lucifer shows up. Finally. Took him long enough.

Sam warns Lucifer that Chuck will show up. Lucifer begs to differ. Dean contemptuously asks if Lucifer really intends to “smash all His toys?”

Castiel attacks Lucifer and gets tossed aside. The Brothers flee. Lucifer, like a moron (has he learned nothing?) pursues and finds them going into the rift.

Lucifer likes the new world he arrives in.

Sam tells Lucifer this is the world he wants.

Sam scampers off as Dean lights him up with angel-killing bullets. Dean gets his ass kicked as Sam and Crowley make a spell to trap Lucifer there.

Crowley says they need one more “ingredient – a life.”

Crowley comes out and challenges Lucifer. Sam grabs Dean and gets him back to the rift.

So, are we gonna lose Crowley, after all?

Crowley pulls out an angel blade and stabs himself.

Yep, looks like we’re losing Crowley. Castiel appears for no damned, good reason and attacks Lucifer. Sam drags Dean back through the rift as it closes.

Oh, and the baby is born.

Hmm, diving movie that demonizes sharks. Not-yay.

Castiel stabs Lucifer and comes back through the rift, but then gets stabbed. Lucifer comes through and it was all for nothing.

Just about certain at this point we’re getting a magic reset plot. They’re not gonna kill off this many fan favorites for real.

Mary beats up Lucifer with the magic brass knuckles. He drops his sword, but drags her through the rift.

Oh, and the boring-ass baby is being born. Sam runs inside. Dean mourns over Castiel and looks up at the sky.

Inside the house, Kelly’s dead (yeah, I know. Nobody cares). Sam sees burning baby footprints and follows them into the nursery.

He sees he Naphil. It looks like Lucifer and has glowing eyes.

And that’s the really annoying cliffhanger on which we are left.

I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

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The Official “There’s Something About Mary” (12.21) Live Recap Thread


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Starting now with a recap of the LoL and Lucifer’s baby that makes me wish neither had ever happened.

Cut to Now and someone running through the woods. It’s Eileen. She’s being chased by a Hell Hound. It gets her. It’s being sicced on her by Retch, who uses a whistle to control it.

Yeah, I’m sure Crowley will be fine with that.

So, yup, we just lost a popular female character in the friggin’ teaser.

Dean and Sam and in Mary’s motel room, trying to find Mary. Dean calls Retch and Retch lies to him. The Brothers compare notes and figure that out.

Sam gets a call from Jody, saying Eileen’s been killed. In South Carolina. Sam infodumps that this is the second Hunter death they’ve heard about and now Mary is missing.

Cut to the Brothers in the morgue with Eileen’s body. Dean identifies the wounds as Hell Hound, and Eileen was supposed to be in Ireland. Dean says seven Hunters have been killed in almost as many weeks. What’s going on?

Cut to Crowley berating a demon minion about not finding Kelly. More infodumping. [sigh]

Cut to “Mary” surprising a Hunter. Of course she’s got to be a shapeshifter.

Or…it’s Mary. She wakes up and Toni the Twat enters. The Twat starts monologuing about how she’s brainwashing Mary and tells Mary some home truths about John.

More delusional stupidity from the Twat about the LoL’s foolish, utterly doomed attempt to control all of the United States. It’s not even possible.

Cut to Henchbithstress being visited by Crowley. He tells her he knows about her plan. He was the one who gave Retch his Hell Hound. Crowley warns her she needs to have the same deal with him that she does in the UK. She actually thinks she can lecture Crowley about how he should stand by while she goes after the Brothers.

So…she’s hellbound and is too stupid to know it.

Cut to some demon trying to help Lucifer, or something.

Crowley is trying to make a deal with Lucifer over the hellspawn to get Lucifer to kill Henchbitchstress for her.

Mary is dragged back from another session.

Twat comes in to report and is displeased when Retch disses her. Twat calls him a psychopath, which is hilarious, considering what she is.

Henchbitchstress does some more infodumping about knowing Retch’s sexual history and acting as though the Hunters in the U.S. are already dead. God, she’s a fool.

Dean gets a letter from Eileen. She says in it that she knew they were watching her and asked if she could come to the Bunker.

At the Bunker, the Brothers proceed to look everywhere but the obvious place under the main table for the Big Honking Bug. Eventually, Dean finds it and signals to Sam.

‘Scuse me, it’s raining cats here.

So, Dean quickly comes up with a plan to trap the LoL by having a conversation with Sam about meeting another Hunter in a lonely spot.

Cut to Retch and Twat having a conversation in which both are in denial about their psychopathy. Twat is convinced she can take down the American Hunters because she’s been studying them for years. Idiot. These people are such morons.

Retch gets a call about Mary asking for him. Twat gets the call about the “meeting.” Neither realizes it’s a trap.

Mary acts all confused. I am not fooled, but Retch is. Despite his denial, she’s doing a pretty good job of seducing him. She’s got his number and he doesn’t even know it. She gets his gun and tries to shoot herself. When he gets the gun from her, she asks him to shoot her.

Retch responds in a brainwashed sort of way and leaves.

Mary cries and we are seriously supposed to believe she’s broken. That right there says so much about this pair of writers’ misogyny.

Meanwhile, the stupid Twat goes to the meet. She has just enough motherwit to send in two goons, but of course she doesn’t keep an eye on them. The Brothers trap them easily. When Twat gets her gun out, she’s captured, though not without, first, yet another “Dean gets his ass kicked by a girl” moment (even though the actress can’t stagefight her way out of a wet paper bag). They don’t even punch her. She needs to be beaten severely.

So, Crowley comes in to do some more gloating and Lucifer turns the puppet tables on him.

In the car, the Twat proceeds to monologue smugly because of course, that’s what someone does when they have a gun pointed at them. THIS BITCH NEEDS TO DIE.

So, the Twat is completely dumb enough to admit that Mick is dead and her entire stupid plan. And I have no idea why Sam doesn’t let Dean beat her. Dean is a master torturer, after all.

So, Crowley is getting his ass kicked by Lucifer – again. Lucifer is showing his wings.

Meanwhile, if Toni doesn’t die tonight, I’m gonna blow up Twitter.

Would they really kill Crowley? That would actually be…different.

So, Lucifer stabs Crowley, but doesn’t notice there’s no dying demon glow. Did I mention how stupid everyone is?

The Brothers get back to the Bunker and are ambushed, but they get the drop on everyone, including Ketch. But Mary turns the tables because she’s brainwashed now. Or something. So much hate.

So, the Brother are being disarmed…and I just lost signal because of a thunderstorm. Not. Happy.

So, we’re back to Crowley’s host being dragged out, while a suspicious mouse follows it.

We have an end scene of Retch and Mary driving in the Impala, supposedly victorious. Oh, wait, the last scene is of Lucifer. And of course, that got cut off by the rain, too. Fuck you very much, Dish. Also, fuck you very much, show. This has got to be the most unnecessary cliffhanger you’ve ever done. Ran out of ideas, did you, Dabb?

So, on top of the shit sandwich that was this episode (who the hell hired the actress who plays Toni Bevell? She’s terrible!), I couldn’t even watch the end because of a thunderstorm. I’ll get it a few hours from now, but still.

Promo for next week.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


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The Official “Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes” (12.20) Live Recap Thread


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Starting now with a recap of Recap of Dean talking about John being on a hunting trip in the Pilot, and some other older stuff, plus a recap of last week that makes it pretty clear nobody lately has bothered to watch any of the older episodes.

Cut to an African American woman named Tasha Banes who is at a B&B run by a racist old woman and her too-friendly son. In her room, Tasha makes a finding spell and goes down into a shed that’s very smelly. And full of witch fetishes. Then she gets stabbed and falls.

Cue title cards.

Cue sneak peek with Dean brooding over Castiel obviously having been brainwashed–again–and asking Sam if he can fix the Colt. Which is completely out of character for both of them. Dean is the guy who fixes things. Hell, he was the one who was cleaning the Colt before Sam went off and used it. This is NOT IN CHARACTER for Sam.

They hear a phone vibrate. It’s Mary’s. Sam answers (because apparently, all Dean can do now is brood over Castiel). It’s Alicia and her brother, asking for help find her mother in Wyoming.

Sam volunteers him and Dean to help, using Dean’s old “Dad’s on a hunting trip” line. I roll my eyes. Hard.

Dean calls Mary and leaves a message. Retch is torturing a shapeshifter that takes first Mary’s and then Retch’s form. Mary looks uneasy about it.

Oh, Alicia’s bro bonds with Dean over the car, while Alicia and Sam bond over not being part of their family. Ugh. Move on, show.

At the B&B, some creepy dude is hanging about. When they enter the B&B, their mother (Doomed Teaser Gal) greets them, looking fine and not at as if she got stabbed. More shapeshifters?

Tasha is all chirpy and dismissive of ignoring her calls. And as she has the Brothers pour some wine, while she turns her back and re-aligns a broken finger.

Sam goes to investigate…something, while urging Dean to get drunk. Dear Lord, show. Really?

Ah, but Dean gets to talking with “Tasha” and appears to sense something is off. Or not.

Meanwhile, Mary and Retch are having a spat over the morality of torture. Which makes me snicker. Remember when her eldest son was the best torturer ever?

Mary also eavesdrops on Retch. Poorly. And suspects Mitch is a goner. And Retch is…well, he’s quite dumb about being so smug.

Sam gets back with the food and says he found a Missing poster for the guy they saw when they first came in.

Upstairs, Racist Woman is making a wicker man.

Mary leaves a call for Dean apologizing for continuing to not be there. Dean (and Sam) is outside checking out the cellar, while the twins bond with Not-Mom. And the brother has a date with a cute (boy) bartender.

Sam uncovers Tasha. Dean notes her and the other bodies’ hearts have been ripped out. They wonder who is upstairs when everyone in the house is down dead in the basement. Alicia’s brother comes down and they don’t stop him from seeing his mom’s body in time. They let him grieve.

So, shapeshifters of some kind, but what are they up to?

Mary, meanwhile, is skulking around and finds Mick’s body. Then she tries to leave quietly. Which goes not so well because her access has been denied in everything, by Retch.

I sure hope we lose him this week.

Oh, and she gets locked into a room where she sees info on every Hunter she knows. And realizes the Bunker is being bugged. She tries to call Dean and opens a door to find Retch.

They have another spat. He lies about Mick’s death. She’s not fooled.

Mick brags incessantly about how efficient the LoL are. I roll my eyes.

Mary beats him up some and gets beaten a bit, too. He brags about all the people he’s killed the Brothers don’t know about, how he can keep Mary “safe” and that the American Hunters are going to all be killed. I roll my eyes some more because the logistics are just too stupid.

Mary beats Retch a lot then tries to leave and gets TASERed. Never mind. She’s not gonna die this week and Retch is monologuing too much to live.

Alicia’s brother confronts the Mother Thing in the house, but when he forces her to reveal where the center of the magic is, the Racist Woman activates her minions. Dean and the brother go to confront her while the Sam and Alicia get beaten up by her things.

Turns out RW is a powerful witch who is old and dying. She wanted to transfer her magic (and blood guilt) to Tasha and avoid going to Hell, but Tasha refused. So, she killed Tasha and created a twig doll that does what she wants.

So, the brother is confronting the old with while Dean is stuck in a chair. The witch says that if he kills her, the Mother Thing dies. She offers the same deal to him. Oh, and Dean is mostly playing the voice of reason. That gets choked off.

While Sam and Alicia get beaten a lot.

Oh, and Alicia gets stabbed.

Ugh, so over Dean being useless. We do see him straining toward his pistol, though. He finally reaches it and shoots the witch, while the brother is reaching for the ring.

The witch dies and all the dolls turn to dust. Max is upset, but Dean warns him that making the deal would have meant making a deal with a demon.

Oh, and Alicia dies. So, that sucks. Dean finally gets a kill and it’s a “bad” one.

The Brothers try to comfort Max, who is heartbroken and blames himself. He asks them to leave so he can burn the bodies himself. Yeah, he’s probably going to make a deal.

In the car, Sam tries to say that Dean did the right thing. Dean doesn’t believe it. As we see a montage of Max using the bad magic ring to save Alicia by making a wicker version of her and burning the body of his real sister, Dean makes it pretty clear he knows what Max did.

Dean finally sees Mary’s message–both messages. And he’s off to the rescue with Sam.

Cut to Mary being awakened in the torture chair by Retch. [sigh]

Oh, and Toni the Twat shows up. So, we’re gonna be stuck with these two until at least next week.

Promo for next week.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


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The Official “The Future” (12.19) Live Recap Thread


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Starting now with a recap of Recap of Dean calling Castiel and the dumbass Demon Baby Mama Drama that just goes to show how godawful boring it is (and makes Kelly look like a total moron).

Oh, and more whining from the LoL about not having the Colt. Which wasn’t theirs in the first place.

Cut to Kelly being force-fed something by Dagon. I guess I’m supposed to give a rat’s ass about her, but I really don’t.

Dagon blathers on about how “He” is going to destroy everything. Eh. Not really feeling Dagon at this point. Hopefully, she’ll get killed off tonight.

Kelly is left to herself, and her chains, to whine and moan. Again, not feelin’ the Kelly pity. She had multiple ways to get out of this before. Not to mention birth control. This is totally on her.

So, she tries to kill herself in a convenient bathtub. With a convenient razor.

Cue title cards.

Cue montage of Sam doing research. Lord, so bored.

Cue sneak peek of Castiel returning and admitting he was in Heaven.

Sam is all “Everything’s fine. Glad you’re back.” Dean is not.

Dean yells at Castiel. Justifiably so. He walks out on them both.

Later, Dean is in his room, looking at his computer. Castiel comes back and gives Dean back a mixtape Dean had made for him. Dean insists he take it back.

Calmer, Dean tells him they were worried and that Castiel needs to stop going radio silence.

Castiel admits that he “keeps failing.” He says he “needed to come back here with a win for you.”

Dean isn’t impressed. He says they’ve been having a hard time, too.

Dean admits to Castiel’s question that he may not be able to kill an innocent (Sam’s already done it, so Castiel, that was a dumb question).

Dean tells Castiel they need to stay TFW-together. Apparently, Dean has not yet noticed his mother’s photo is missing.

Dagon finds the tub and the blood, but Kelly is in a corner, still alive. Kelly is all rapturous, “He wouldn’t let me die.”

I dunno, Dean. Kelly doesn’t strike me was very innocent at this point.

Sam decides to try tracking the Nephilim instead of Dagon.

Sam says a Nephilim is just a human soul with angelic grace (ugh, show, please, just stop with the retconning on the fly–that…no). If they can remove the grace, they can end up with just a human soul.

Dagon has a bucket of cold realism for Kelly, that the Nephilim just was saving itself, not her. Dagon, however, has her own delusions. She believes that she will rule by the Nephilim’s side. Demons. So stupid.

Oh, and yeah, Castiel stole the Colt. For the asshole angels. His delusion is that he’s doing it all for the Winchesters.

Castiel sets off with the angels, as he ignores a call from Dean.

I’m sure this will end well.

So, the angels do quite poorly against Dagon. The one surviving angel (the one who recruited him) sends Castiel downstairs to kill Kelly while he takes on Dagon. And, presumably, gets killed.

Sad that I’m actually happy to see a commercial break.

Dagon subdues the other angel, finds out Castiel has taken Kelly, and then has a conversation with Lucifer that doesn’t go well. Especially when he finds out it was Castiel. She then tortures the other angel for info. They monologue at each other. Dagon wins, of course. And he sends her right after…Sam and Dean.

Kelly has a car conversation with Castiel and they go on a boring road trip. Castiel wants to bring Kelly to Heaven. He says that a “human form” can’t survive a trip to Heaven, so they’ll be instantly killed and their souls sent to Heaven. He talks up the Nephilim as a new Big Bad. Kelly is all fantasizing that the kid could be good because the baby “saved” her when she tried to kill herself. Can we kill her now?

Meanwhile, the Brothers are arming up. Annnnd (wait for it) Castiel stole the Colt because it was under Dean’s pillow. I am so very, very, VERY over this “Dean is dumb” trope.

So, yeah, the upshot of the whole Kelly thing is that Kelly is on this whole “My son can be Good” kick, even though Castiel reminds her she’s gonna die, because she’s possessed. Because that’s not a misogynistic trope at all.

Oh, and the Winchesters finally show up. Dean is not happy with Castiel at all.

So, Castiel gives them his stupid reason for running off and Kelly is an idiot and Dean is the only one who notices. But the plot had Dean act *really* stupid and give Castiel the keys.

OH, COME ON, SHOW.

Kelly is driving to the Heaven sandbox. She says her unborn son (yes, she’s willing to follow a child who’s not even born yet. That’s how dumb she is) wants her to step through the portal.

Kelly and Castiel have a pointlessly dumb conversation about how they’re not actually the Heroes of the plot. You know…the two characters who got left behind in the parking lot.

I hate this season so much.

So, Rosencranz and Guildenstern arrive at the Heaven gate and (shocker, eh?) Dagon is waiting. She starts to kill Castiel when the Brothers show up (Dean hotwired a car).

Sam and Dean get knocked down. Dagon (who really is way overpowered) takes the Colt and destroys it. Castiel and Kelly hold hands. Kelly’s eyes glow again and the Nephilim possesses Castiel, who kills Dagon.

Well, at least she’s gone. One lame-o guest character down….

So, Castiel heals Dean and now he’s possessed, too (Castiel, not Dean). He puts the Brothers to sleep and walks off with Kelly. They drive off in the truck, Castiel declaring that the Nephilim showed him “the future.” Because, on top of destroying an iconic artifact, they decided to wreck Castiel as a character.

Fuck you, Dabb. Fuck you, Singer. Fuck you, whoever wrote this stupid episode. You all need to be fired. Bring on the writers strike so this show can have a major shakedown.

Looks like Retch is toast next week. Oh, and Dean gets pushed around some more:

Promo for next week.

In case anyone is wondering where the show got this “stellar” plot, remember that godawful Jasmine storyline from the show Angel?

That’s where they got it.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


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The Official “The Memory Remains” (12.18) Live Recap Thread


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Starting now with a lame recap of Mary/Retch and the LoL last week.

Cut to Now in Tomahawk, Wisconsin. Four teens (three boys and a girl) are hanging out, drinking, around a fire. One boy and girl are engaging in annoyingly unapologetic PDA. One of the other boys, Daryn, wants to watch, but his friend just wants to go home. As he walks along the creepy trail in the woods, he sees a bag of money, with a green glowstick. When he picks it up, he finds it’s a trap and gets tied to a tree, then his head smashed in by a goat-headed dude, in front of his friend, who has heard his cries for help.

Dean leaves yet another voice message for Castiel, then sits down for a talk with Sam while cleaning the Colt. Sam gets a message from Mick (you know…dead Mick) about DTG and off they go. Back at the poorly-defended LoL bunker, Retch says the bait is set to some henchdicks who will probably not survive the ep.

The Brothers talk to an oddly disengaged sheriff, who tells them about DTG’s bad family life and how he must have run away, while working on his taxidermy project.

The Brothers then talk to DTG’s friend (cue sneak peek) who tells them about DTG getting killed by “Black Bill.” Later at a diner, Sam says it’s a local legend. Dean hits on the blonde waitress, who is into it, and clocks out for the night.

Meanwhile, DTG’s friend gets yelled at by his boss about slacking at work due to his buddy’s death, goes out to his truck afterward, and gets attacked/killed by Black Bill.

The next morning, Dean says goodbye to the waitress at the same diner and meets Sam there. Then he snags Sam’s breakfast. Clearly, Dean has had sex.

Sam thinks he’s on to the MOTW, that it’s a satyr. His graphic description of how satyrs eat their prey puts Dean off Sam’s breakfast. Sam says DTG’s friend’s mom says he never made it home the night before, ditto didn’t show up for his job. There’s an inspection going on at the plant, which is owned by the sheriff. It’s a meat-packing plant. Convenient. Oh, and the sheriff is there. Acting sketchy.

DTG-F wakes up inside a freezer, which is conveniently signed outside as having a coolant leak. Sam and Dean walk past, but can’t hear him over the compressor noise. He finds his friend, dead and frozen, then is stalked and presumably killed by the MOTW.

At the diner, Sam is pissy about what Dean eats. It turns out Dean cross-checked the other victims’ names. They were all employees at the plant. Sam has found out that the company used to own everything in town, but the sheriff has been selling everything off. The Brothers check out the house, but not before “Mick” texts them and Sam texts back.

Cut to the LoL invading the Bunker for a reconnaissance you’d think that idiot Toni would have already done. I hope Dean set rat traps. Retch is especially crabby about Mick giving the Brothers the Colt, which was, y’know, theirs in the first place. Lots of people who have no claim on that thing sure get pissy about having its owners get it back.

Meanwhile, the Brothers find the sheriff’s “murder room” in the basement and get the jump on him when he comes downstairs. It turns out the family got rich by keeping a “monster” under its house and feeding it. It’s Moloch. We have flashbacks to the murders. The sheriff says when he became family head, he tried to clean things up and kept Moloch locked away, hoping he would “starve to death.” Obviously, it didn’t work so well.

Moloch was in the sub-basement. Not any more. They hear a noise upstairs. Dean goes to investigate, leaving Sam to guard the sheriff. There’s a goat suit upstairs. As he checks it out, some kid knocks him over the bannister and Sam in the basement with the sheriff, leaving Dean unconscious.

The sheriff grabs a cleaver, but it’s to help. When they come out, Dean is missing. Sam tracks his cell phone.

At the Bunker, to the shittiest faux-60s Brit spy music ever, the LoL do a really poor job of casing the joint. They need to piss off back to Britain, already. Where they can preferably die of ennui and never be spoken of again. Then Retch finds that photo of Mary and Young Dean and becomes thoughtful.

So, the guy who attacked Dean and has him tied up in the cooler is the sheriff’s half-brother and the plant manager. And he’s a whiny, monologuing dickhead who thinks he can control Moloch. His version of the Family Business is opposite to Dean’s. Dean gets locked in with Moloch.

Meanwhile, the LoL leave…something. Dear God, they suck. Juxtaposing an actually-decent MOTW with their nonsense really shows it up.

Oh, and Dean gets loose in record time. Leaving him stuck with the Minotaur–sorry, Moloch–while Sam and the sheriff enter the plant and get stalked by Loser Half-Bro.

Oh, hey, a decent stalking sequence involving Dean. PleaselethimgetthekillshowPleaselethimgetthekillshow
Pleaselethimgetthekillshow. And Sam gets attacked by Redneck Man. Who gets the drop on his brother, then gets shot. Sorry, dude, but you were not the Hero.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, SHOW? You have to give Sam the kill EVEN NOW? BOTH KILLS?

I am so done with the Dabb Era of this show.

So, Sam tries to hurt/comfort with Dean, which doesn’t help. The sheriff tells them they should go. It’s his family and his legacy–his mess to clean up.

Back at the Bunker, written plot-stupid so they are unaware of having been raided, Dean asks Sam what their legacy may be. Sam says that the people they saved will remember them, though that memory will fade, too. But that’s okay, since they “left the world a better place.” Dean wonders if the Bunker will go to some future Hunter and then carves his initials in the table. He has Sam do it, too.

Sam decides to call Retch, who bullshits them about Mick having returned to London and says they “report” to him, now. Oh, and he kept the photo of Mary, because surely, Dean won’t notice *that*. Idiot. Looking forward to his slow and painful demise.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


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The Official The British Invasion (12.17) Recap Discussion Thread

Recap of Nickifer, the Demon Baby Mama Drama, the LoL, and Mary.

Cut to Now (well, Oxbridgeish in 1987). Boring and stupid English stereotypes abound as two boys (Mick and Retch, I gather) head to a meeting at “Kendricks” with a classic stereotypically bitchy British Headmistress. Ugh. So. Much. Ugh.

So, guess it’s just Retch (sorry, turns out to be Mitch, having a dream), then, since she leaves them alone in a fight to the death. He kills his best friend.

Cue title credits and the Brothers are on the road, while they talk to Eileen about tracking down Kelly (the Devil’s Baby Mama). She’s off to track them some more.

Back at the Bunker, Sam wants Dean to call Crowley. Dean doesn’t want to. They find Mick there, who claims the Bunker is “our house” and the key opens every Bunker in the world. Ugh. So. Much. Hate. This episode is gonna be tough to sit through.

Turns out Mick didn’t know about Kelly and Lucifer’s Nephilim child. So, official confirmation that the LoL are WAY out of their league.

So, the Brothers fill him in (after Dean without apology says they never mentioned it before because “need to know”) and Mick freaks out. A very insulting discussion amongst men about abortion and women’s choice and how the Power of Motherly Wuv prevented Kelly from aborting the Ugly-Ass Plot Point.

Cut to Dagon talking to Lucifer about his baby and the “package” (i.e., moronic Kelly). Dagon says Kelly will “last long enough” to give birth.

Cut to Mick having more of a nightmare about killing his buddy (who really did not want to die). He’s awakened by Headbitchstress from the dream. She’s part of the leadership and guess what? They’re freaking out over the Nephilim sitch. She insists Mick get the Winchesters on board right now or kill them
[cue mocking laughter from the audience].

So, Kelly is having misgivings about her pregnancy. She insists Dagon take her to a doctor. Dagon mind-whammies the doc into saying everything is normal, even though it’s not. He still gets killed by a demon later on.

At the Bunker, Dean is hungover because Mitch allegedly could drink him and Sam under the table (SO. MUCH. HATE). Mitch mentions that Mary is with Retch (cue an unnecessary scene between those two in which no new territory is mined).

At the LoL Bunker, Mitch gets a visit from Henchbitchtress’s lap dog, a smarmy little public school stereotype.

Chez Crowley, Lucifer is submitting to Crowley as a new tactic and still claiming to be the eldest brother. SHOW, GET IT STRAIGHT. MICHAEL IS THE OLDEST. ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

Halfway through the ep and so far, *nothing* has happened but set-up.

So, Dean is leaving voice messages on Castiel’s phone and the Brothers are meeting with Eileen. She caught up with the demon who killed Kelly’s doc, killed him with an angel blade and got Dagon’s number.

As much as I love Eileen, remember when demons had TK and powers and stuff?

Back to Crowley, who is haranguing the troops about their loyalty to Lucifer. He unwisely brings Lucifer in to submit to him. Apparently, Crowley is unaware that Lucifer is in communion with Dagon and just biding his time.

Lucifer immediately starts undermining Crowley (with his back to Crowley) by winking and leering and sneering and glowing-eyes-y at the demons.

Ugh, so much stupid in this episode. And *still*, nothing has happened but set-up.

Kelly is sending Dagon on errands when she gets a call from Sam, who pretends to be her (dead) doctor’s assistant. Eileen gives him a thumbs-up and Mitch shows up with Brit Douchenozzle. Eileen very quickly puts him in his place.

Meanwhile, Dean quietly grabs Kelly and drives her to the docks, where the others are waiting.

Douchenozzle starts to brag. Dean puts him in his place.

Kelly gets out and Sam and Dean try to talk Kelly out of being a moron. Kelly thinks she loves the Nephilim. Mick points out (sensibly, for once) that the Nephilim doesn’t give a rat’s ass about its mother.

Dagon shows up in a blast of thunder and lightning, and uses TK. She is also, of course, unaffected by regular bullets. After blasting away the others, she starts to grab Kelly. Eileen gets the gun and shoots at Dagon, but Dagon disappears and Douchenozzle gets shot instead. Works for me.

Mick doesn’t take Douchenozzle’s death well. He wants to shoot Eileen, yelling about the code that, y’know, Americans don’t follow. Dean steps up and takes aim at him. Sam tries to talk Mick down.

I sure hope Mick understands that if he shoots Eileen, Dean’s gonna blow his head off. Right then and there.

As if this episode couldn’t possibly suck enough, Mary has slept with Retch. Who confesses he was thinking he would end up shooting her, instead.

Mary straight-up tells him it was a one-night stand. Retch says he’s not “built for that” and that she isn’t, either. Mary says no, but that her monogamous days are over.

Retch thinks she’s choosing Hunting over Family. Mary begs to differ.

Back Chez Crowley, Lucifer is getting a demon to examine him, presumably so he can lift Crowley’s spells. The demon admits he can’t do that. The only demon who could disarm the “security system” is the one who designed it. Crowley killed him.

Is this demon really dumb enough to believe Lucifer? Oh, wait. How did the rest of the episode go?

Back at the Bunker, Eileen is upset over having killed a human. The Brothers comfort her.

Is this episode over yet? No? Ugh.

So, Kelly finally buys a clue (actually, it’s a gift from Dagon) that she’s not going to survive giving birth to the Nephilim and that nobody cares.

Henchbitchstress shows up with Retch to school Mitch, probably fatally. Toni the Twat’s name is once again spoken in vain. Henchbitchstress monologues delusionally about how “Hunters are dogs” and should “obey.” She wants Eileen tracked down and murdered. She also wants the Winchesters “investigated” and executed “if found guilty.”

Which just goes to show how PLOT STUPID the LoL really are. You send people over the pond without having investigated these guys thoroughly already?! WTF?!, show?

Mitch rebels and gets shot dead by Retch.

Dear God, I am *so* over this LoL storyline at this point.

Back at the Bunker, the Brothers are worrying about Castiel. Eileen has bailed, deciding to go back to Ireland. Which, you know, isn’t right next door to England, or anything.

Oh, she left the Colt. Dean’s cheery joy at getting it back is about the only good thing about this episode.

Back at the LoL Bunker, dumbass Henchbitchstress orders Retch to kill every Hunter in the U.S.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Really, show? Come on.

Next week’s promo? We’re back to pagan gods. Some goat dude in the basement.

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Recap of Claire, werewolves (with the usual sad attempt to make werewolves sound “badass”), and Sam’s dumbass decision to join the LoL.

Cut to a girl coming out of a bar and getting busted by her older brother. As they walk home, the girl hears some breaking branches and sends her brother off on a wild goose chase while she walks back toward the bar, smug. But as the brother searches, her hears her scream. And finds her apparently dead. A thing with a mask attacks him and rips out his heart, then concentrates on the girl.

I hope she’s really dead because…yeah. Show’s still not batting 1000 on hiring actresses to play teens.

Cut to a room with no windows in the LoL bunker and a weird map where Dean is pissed off at Sam for the LoL making them wait. Dean says he’s going to wait in the car. Mick shows up, acts all stereotypically British (no, show, Brits are not all psychopaths) about the remaining bloodstains from the recent vampire attack.

Mick gives them the DTG case and wants to “tag along.” Dean is unimpressed.

Dean tells Sam he’s going to have to babysit Mick, who proceeds to brag in the car some more about his knowledge of werewolves and how the LoL killed off all the werewolves in Britain (sure…like the vampires, right?). The Brothers (rather unwisely) mention Garth as someone who has managed to live with lycanthropy, but Mick is not impressed.

Dean starts to like this hunt better when Mick checks them into a three-star hotel. And proceeds to skinny-dip in the pool the next morning. Dammit, Dean, you need to come visit my local YMCA. I could use some of that scenery while I’m doing laps.

At the hospital (the annoying younger sister died), the Brothers won’t let Mick talk to the girl and the mother won’t let them talk to the girl. Mick comes in with a lab coat and sends the mom out. The mom starts to open up to the Brothers, while Mick checks the girl’s bite. Uh-oh. Mick’s probably going to try to kill her, ’cause she’s almost certainly being turned. Sure enough–he lies to the Brothers about her having wounds.

The mother says that there are “Bigfoot truthers” sniffing around the case and mention a young girl with the “Fish and Wildlife Service” who turns out to sound like Claire.

Claire is out by her car when she gets a call–from Dean doing a mean impression of a Canadian park service guy and Yogi the Bear. She meets the Brothers and Mick at a restaurant. Claire is unimpressed. Mick excuses himself early–to file a report, he says–but it’s really to go kill the DTG at the hospital. Which he botches quite badly when she wolfs out in the middle of his sticking a needle in her IV. Loser.

At the hospital, DTG’s body has no wounds. Dean quickly figures out she must have wolfed out and healed before dying. Dean is clearly suspicious of Mick and Mick’s claim that he saw no bites on her, especially after the doctor says she was covered with wounds.

Dean apportions the troops–Sam and Claire to talk to the girl whom DTG was supposed to be sleep-overing with and Dean taking Mick to the bar. They talk to a guy with a tat who was hitting on Claire and DTG. Dean also easily catches Mick out in a lie and slams him for it outside, calling him out on having killed DTG. Mick claims that he and the LoL don’t have the “luxury” of letting monsters go, that they have a “code.” Dean is unimpressed.

So am I, because YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY, MICK. Mick has *zero* grounds for bitching about how well Sam and Dean are doing things in *their* country. The LoL’s attempts to hunt in the U.S. are an invasion, pure and simple. They were not invited, by anyone.

Meanwhile, Claire tries to ditch Sam, whining that Jody doesn’t let her hunt and that the Brothers just pop in and out of her life, that they treat her like a kid. Sam suggests that if she doesn’t want to be treated like a kid, “then stop acting like one.” Go, Sam.

Naturally, Claire goes off in a huff, tries to hunt the werewolf on her own by acting as bait, and gets bitten. Ugh, Claire, come on. That was such a Jo Harvelle move.

So, Claire wakes up and sees an attacker, but it’s Sam, who helps her up. Back at the motel, both brothers are furious with Mick. Sam says they’re “done.” Dean tries to reassure Claire that she can live with lycanthropy, but she doesn’t want to do it. Sam says the LoL have a cure involving the blood from a sire, but Mick insists they’ve only done it successfully (1 in 10) on mice. The one human subject died horribly.

So, I’m guessing Mick is gonna die soon because he’s quite unsympathetic in this and not a learner.

So, the Brothers go to the bar to find the sire’s blood. They leave him with Claire, but Dean warns Mick that if anything happens to Claire, Dean will kill him. Mick doesn’t seem to take this seriously–he doesn’t understand that Dean would torture him first and that Dean is *good* at that.

As the Brothers look for the sire, Claire starts to freak out and asks Mick to shoot her. But Mick is having second thoughts about this whole “code” thing and tries to find ways to restrain her.

And, of course, the sire shows up. He knocks Mick down and knocks Claire out, then carries her off.

Ugh. The writing this season…ugh.

The Brothers come back and find Mick waking up. He says he put a tracker on her (this doesn’t actually make him worth being around because of all the dumb things he’s done that got everyone into trouble).

Meanwhile, at the monster’s pad, Loser Wolf Boy monologues at Claire about losing his pack to Hunters and tries to feed her a human heart. Mercifully, the Brothers show up with Mick. Dean knocks Claire out, while Mick gets the kill of the sire (because it seems that Andrew Dabb & Co. have no interest in giving Dean *any* monster kills, anymore). Then they dart a wolfed-out Claire with the “cure.”

Muting the incessant Riverdale adds because ugh.

Anyhoo, back from commercials and Claire is still going through the “cure.” Dean has to leave because he can’t stand to watch her in pain. She goes into a coma, or something. Sam thinks she’s dead and calls Dea back in. Dean comes in and can’t believe it. But then Claire’s wolf nails recede and she opens her eyes. She survived the cure.

Afterward, Dean thanks Mick for saving Claire, but both Brothers are not quite feeling forgiving. They tell him he screws up again and he’s done.

Claire thanks them for saving her. Sam asks her if she’s going to tell Jody. She says she’s not sure. Over a montage of Claire hugging Dean while Sam looks on, smiling, she leaves Jody a message and tells her she’s hunting alone, but will be back, and thanks her for being a mother to her. She drives off to Joan Jett’s “I’m a Wild One.”

So, you know how Alex got cured of vampirism and that was actually a good episode? Well…not this one so much.

Yay! We have our promos back! Promo for next week. You know how the LoL are supposedly ruled by Evil Old White Men? Try an Evil Old White Bitch. She sics Mick on the Brothers and on Eileen, who returns next week. Guess who’s unlikely to survive next week? I’m guessing Mick. EOWB may make it to the end of the season, unless they have Dean go full-on Styne Hunting in the penultimate episodes.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


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I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

Recap of vampires to this point, with an emphasis on Vampire!Dean and MoC!Dean, needless recap of the LoL with an emphasis on their toys, a brief reference to the Colt, and last week’s Mary confession.

Cut to Now and Mary still confessing. Dean is furious. Mary claims what the LoL “are doing, it’s a better way.”

Sam looks betrayed and asks her how long she kept it from them. Mary admits that the crappy episode the other week was them running an errand for the LoL. The Brothers point out there were casualties and when Mary admits she feels bad, Dean says, “Good.”

Cut to Mary and Retch arriving at some random warehouse with security, at night, in the snow. Retch is talking about awesome and easy their new toy was. And that right there is the LoL’s Achilles Heel–if it’s not easy, they’re dead.

Ugh, another Super-Sekrit Bunker Base. So not interested. So boring.

Back to the Mary confession conversation. Dean calls her out on being absent almost all of his life and all of Sam’s. Juxtaposed with Mary checking her texts begging Dean to talk to her and Dean giving back radio silence, Dean kicks her out of the Bunker. Sam backs him up (yay, Sam).

I am so very, very ready for the LoL to get burned to the ground, never to be seen or mentioned again.

Retch thinks they’ve got the best Winchester in Mary. Mick disagrees, saying that his sons are the de facto rulers of Hunter America and Retch doesn’t get to take the call.

In the Bunker, Sam is having second thoughts and Dean is desperately seeking a new hunt. Dean gets mad when Sam suggests they talk to her, even though Dean’s the one who has been in touch with her.

Dean calls Sam out on his “peacemaker shtick. You’re always playing the middle, man. For once, pick a side.”

After Dean leaves, Sam checks his texts  and sees Mary asking him to contact her, urgently. Sam shows up at the Super-Sekrit LoL base. Guess he picked a side.

Mary still insists the LoL are a good choice and goes for Sam’s soft spot that he wants a normal life.

As Retch confronts Dean at the Bunker with a peace offering of whiskey, Sam gets invited to a briefing at the LoL Super-Sekrit Base where they brag about blatantly violating American sovereignty and slaughtering Americans (albeit, vampire Americans) all over Michigan. Meanwhile, a vampire dude is talking to one of the survivors and tells her he has a plan.

The Alpha Vamp shows up. Am I terrible for rooting for him this week?

At the Bunker, Retch is trying to feel Dean out. Dean says simply that Retch is trying to “recruit” him. Retch comes up with the usual lie that she went rogue. Dean is not impressed. Retch steps entirely wrong-footed in his arrogance all over trying to turn Dean and compares himself to Dean as another killer. Dean continues not to be impressed.

Dean asks him about the “line on vamps” Retch claims to have.

Back at the base, we have a stereotypically klutzy computer nerd (who is apparently a low-level Hunter) geeking out over Sam. Somehow, nobody ever seems to geek out over Dean this season. You know, the Firewall?

Mitch admits that the LoL are having trouble attracting good Hunters. Might be because those Hunters have you blokes accurately pegged as a bunch of amateurs from across the Pond, Mick.

Meanwhile, Dean and Retch are hunting vampires the low-tech way, but find nothing and no one–except the survivor we saw before. Retch starts to beat on her, while Dean watches, increasingly not thrilled, and Dean finally stops him. He talks to the girl. He says he won’t let her go, but he will “make it quick.”

Oh, and the Super-Sekrit Base is about to get taken down, as the girl tells Dean.

The vampire method of killing their way in is not especially scientific, but it sure is working. Sam and Mary immediately take charge, with Mary telling everyone over the intercom to “fall back” and not engage. Then she and Sam go out and grab a vamp to bring back in and interrogate. He tells them Alpha Vamp came back. One of the redshirts, a South Asian girl, claims the Alpha has been in Morocco for a decade, but Sam corrects her, saying he’s been in the U.S. for at least the past five years (as we know from seasons six and seven). Mary asks if anyone in the room has killed anything and only the nerdy computer guy has besides Sam and Mary. Mary points out the base is not well-defended and Mick admits they don’t have any contingency plans. Mary insists Mick bring out the Colt, which shocks the hell out of Sam. Mary admits she stole it from Ramiel, but Mick says they don’t have any bullets.

No problem, says Sam, still thoroughly pissed off. He’s got the recipe from Bobby, memorized.

Annnd of course, not all of the ingredients are readily at hand.

Meanwhile, Dean and Retch are riding to the rescue.

One of the redshirts gets it, from the Alpha, while Mick is trying to do the spell to make the bullets. The South Asian girl attacks him and also gets killed. As she dies, Mick slams the briefcase shut on the Colt and grabs the bullets. The Alpha drops the girl and stares after Mick.

So, it turns out the nerdy guy is working with the Alpha and he knocked out Mary. His job is to keep things quiet for the Alpha.

The Alpha calmly informs Mick that he didn’t interfere in England because it was…”well…England.” (love the contemptuous intonation of that) However, he is in charge of America. He intends to have Mick call up London and tell them to back off, while getting eaten onscreen.

Sam shows up and grabs the Colt. He proposes to make a deal with the Alpha–he can have Mick and he will back off, while Sam and Mary escape, and the uneasy truce between the humans and the vamps will continue.

Mick attacks Sam, but it turns out he’s giving Sam a bullet. The Alpha calls Sam’s bluff, then realizes what happened, right before Sam shoots and kills him.

Meh. Getting quite tired of Sam getting all these improbable and rather boring kills.

Mary walks in Mick surveying his dead. She’s been out cleaning up, saying most of the vamps fled after Sam killed the Alpha.

Retch snarks at Mick about being a loser. He comes by with the rogue Hunter and the Winchesters are fine with the guy being taken off to be tortured to death.

At the Impala, Dean says he came as fast as he could. Sam wonders why and then realizes when Dean looks at Mary. Dean forgives Mary, saying he understands they’re all adults now and she’s going to do some things he really doesn’t like, sometimes. Mary looks happy.

Sam comes to Mitch and says he’s in, because apparently, it’s his turn to get slapped with the Plot Stupidity Salmon. When Mitch asks about Dean (who is over with Mary, who I think is fairly done with the LoL at this point), Sam says to give him some time, he’ll talk Dean around.

Oh, Sam. And here you’d come so far, only to fall back into the Idiot Pool.

Still no promo because ugh, Riverdale.

Found the promo here. Looks like Dabb will be ruining Hell Hounds next week.


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