Category Archives: Live Recaps

The Official “The Bad Place” (13.09 – pre-Christmas finale) Live Recap Thread


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My collected recaps and reviews of season one, which first appeared on Innsmouth Free Press, are now up (with a few extras) on Kindle. The Kindle version is available through  Amazon. The print version is also up, though the cover’s needing a little tweaking right now. I’ve ordered a copy for a final galley proof to make any changes that don’t show up online (KDP doesn’t let you do that before the book goes live because KDP works for Satan).

Anyhoo, we start off with a standard recap of the season so far with some very lame generic guitar music. It’s pretty boring. This is the Nepotism Duo on again tonight, so I’m expecting to be bored and hoping not to be (too) offended. But I’m trying to keep my expectations low.

Cut to Now and a blonde white girl necking with a stereotypically long-haired Native American guy (oops, so much for avoiding offense; I can see this going ugly in a hurry), as they discuss his latest painting, her needing to go to work, and his latest client.

It turns out said client is Jack.

After the woman leaves, Jack starts asking the guy about his ability to dreamwalk to other worlds (basically, spirit travel). Jack makes it sound unique, never mind that Dean spirit travels rather frequently and as late as a few episodes ago.

But nope, the Nep Duo are in full-on white condescension mode and have Jack go on and on about the guy’s abilities in that Mystical Native American New Age stuff that many Native Americans actually quite hate.

Jack adds insult to injury by offering the guy money. Anyhoo, the guy is two months behind in his rent, so he agrees to go looking, but it goes poorly. The place he goes to is nasty and when he tries to back out, Jack uses his power to make the guy (Derek) stay and hurts him a whole lot.

Derek’s girlfriend comes home to find him dead with his eyes burned out.

Cue title cards.

Cut to Dean leaving a message with Patience, who has a conversation with her father about how she’s ignoring Dean. Sam, meanwhile, has been talking to “Castiel” (because the Nep Duo really do believe the Brothers are stupid enough to fall for low-rent Asmodeus’ trickery) and getting nothing. Then Jodie calls them and tells them about Doomed Teaser Stereotypical Native American Guy. She says Derek’s girlfriend saw Jack beforehand.

Dean recognizes Grody Alt-SPN World in one of Derek’s paintings.

In the car, Dean points out that it appears Jack has gone rogue for real and maybe they need to talk to a tribal leader to get more info. Sam deflects by saying they should talk to a young girl, another dreamwalker named Kaia, whom Derek had been corresponding with, instead. Because hey, why be culturally sensitive or leave innocents out of the fray, am I right?

Kaia, meanwhile, is in a drug support group and she has a creep for a counselor who keeps pushing her. She says that she only takes speed to keep from sleeping. The counselor continues not to get it. Yay for undercutting that whole pro-getting help message your cast is trying to send in their off-set hours, Nep Duo. Nice job. [/sarcasm]

Anyhoo, 30 seconds later, she meets Jack. Gee, I wonder if he will help her get out of the treatment center?

So, Jack cuts right to the chase and says he’s a “friend of Derek,” that she’s the most powerful dreamwalker ever, and he can get her out of stir (why do these characters always have to be the BESTEST, MOSTEST of their kind ever?). This reinforces my apprehension that the show is choosing to add on two new Wayward Sisters who are not only WoCs (fine with that) but also ridiculously overpowered with magical talents (not so fine with that). So far, it seems they will be getting the Walking Plot Device treatment that Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries got, which is not good. I’m all for the CW beginning to write young women better like … right now.

So, just as Kaia is following Jack out (I did like the way the actress played that one, so points to her for that), we see the Impala drive up. Sam infodumps to Dean – as they get out of the car – that Kaia is an orphan. She never knew Daddy and Mom died when she was 12 (what is this show’s creepy obsession with having girl characters hit the streets in their preteens?). An aunt took her in, but died of cancer. So, Kaia’s been on her own ever since because, like, this country doesn’t have any kind of foster care system, or anything. [rolls eyes]

Also, I don’t quite know why Sam is As You Know, Dean-ing as they get out of the car when they had an entire trip to get up to speed on Kaia.

So, Kaia’s jailbreak is not entirely without incident. As they’re walking out, they encounter her jerk of a counselor. Jack rather forcefully puts him to sleep and then literally busts through a locked emergency door that, oddly enough, doesn’t sound an alarm. As he puts it to Kaia, “You’re not the only one with powers.”

Kaia chooses to respond to this, once they’re outside, by casually saying sayonara and then punching him in the face and running away when he objects (and grabs her arm). This strikes me as a really stupid thing to do with someone you’ve just seen act extremely powerful and lowers my estimation of her after my previous lukewarm response. Especially since the only reason she gets away from him is because the Brothers bust out through the same door at that moment and grab Jack.

Talking ensues in which Jack explains that he left Derek alive and that he found Derek after doing research and experimenting with his powers – he can travel between worlds, but he can’t navigate very well. They both traveled to Grody Alt-SPN World, where Jack saw Mary being tortured in a sort of Iron Maiden device and yelling for help, but Derek wasn’t quite strong enough to let Jack go there and rescue her.

After Jack shows the Brothers what he saw, he and Sam have a clinical infodumpy conversation in the background while a shocked Dean has his entire season’s purpose realigned – now that he knows for sure she’s alive and in trouble, he’s gonna save Mom.

Meanwhile, Kaia, a girl who supposedly has been on her own for years, promptly gets kidnapped by angels in a dodgy old station wagon while hitchhiking. [sigh] The stupid is strong with this character.

I really hate these incessant Riverdale and Dynasty commercials.

Back to Patience, who is having Yet Another Vision of Jodie (in the middle of traffic, no less) dying, and of the Brothers someplace dark. Nothing really new there, then, but it’s enough to get her off her tail and trying to contact Dean.

Over to Kaia, tied up in a warehouse and being Evil Overlord Monologued by the angels about how they tortured and killed Derek (lest the Brothers get involved because surely, that wouldn’t alert Sam and Dean – oh, wait), that he’s the son of Lucifer, and that they’re using Kaia as bait.

Remember when angels weren’t stupid? I kinda miss those days. The wings bit, too.

Driving this home (literally, in fact), the Brothers are in the Impala with Jack in the backseat, trying to find Kaia. Dean is now obsessed with rescuing Mary and says that Sam was right. Sam at least has enough motherwit to admit that he was willing to bust open worlds on “hope” rather than certainty, but they’re both on the same page about going to get her.

Jack … is moping that they thought he killed Derek. Even though his incidental and accidental body count is actually rather high. Am quite tired of this. Suck it up, Jack. You’re a killer. Move on.

Sam starts to waffle, but Dean cuts straight to the point – they thought Jack went to find Lucifer. Jack protests that Lucifer means nothing to him and that TFW are his family (Dean agrees, including Mary in the circle). Watch out for those foreshadowing anvils, folks. They’re awfully dense this season.

Welp, the plot still needs to move along. Jack gets a message through Angel Radio that they have Kaia.

Chez Patience, she’s packing and leaving. Her dad, rather than leave the door open, gives her the John speech and tells her not to come back if she leaves because reasons. Ugh. What is it with the writing this week? So formulaic and nonsensical.

Meanwhile, Kaia is giving a rather boring speech to the woman angel about how she’s not good bait. She’s not a blonde white girl and no one will come for her because “I don’t matter.” The angel agrees with her, but says that the Winchesters think she matters, so they’ll come, the angels will kill them, and the angels will kill Jack. Because that’s worked out so well for them so far.

The Brothers and Jack show up, having grabbed the male angel. To get the ball rolling, the male angel improbably gets loose from Dean and there’s a fight. Jack, in excruciatingly slow motion (that’s a really dull effect, Show. Just saying), tosses the woman angel through a glass window, then forces the male angel, who is trying to stab Dean (Sam got knocked out, or something), to stab himself. Meanwhile, the woman angel somehow gets away.

So, Maia, inexplicably, doesn’t respond especially well to any of this. She actually wants to run off again (because that worked out so well for *her*) and calls them all “insane.”

“Yeah, well, the whole world’s insane. Get used to it,” Dean tells her. Go Dean.

Sam then goes the Savior route, saying that Kaia can help them save Mary. Kaia doesn’t want to help them, even though (as Dean points out to her) they just saved her life. Kaia is really bad at this whole reciprocity thing.

Kaia then tries the Pity route, saying that she only ever goes to one place in her dreams – The Bad Place (this is an obvious, but very spoilery reference to a certain current show). She says she comes back with scars and she doesn’t want to help them.

Dean (a guy who has seen and done far, far worse things than Kaia could even imagine) does what the audience wanted him to do all along – pulls out his gun, and tells her to get in the car. I cheer a little because as much as the show wants me to sympathize with Kaia, she’s irritating the hell out of me with her “Me, first” whining.

Anyhoo, in the car, Sam tries to talk to Dean about this new obsession of his and Dean shuts him down with Hey, you said you wanted Mom back, too. In the back, Jack asks Kaia to let him show her what he and Derek say. She reluctantly agrees and then has her world rocked.

But before we can find out if she’s on board with all this, yet, or not, the Impala nearly gets sideswiped by the old station wagon. It’s the surviving angel. A car chase ensues.

The Impala arrives at a rotting old barge on a dock for some random reason. Dean gets out and opens the trunk for a bag. He tosses it at the others and tells them to get on the boat while he plays rearguard.

The angel arrives in her, uh, station wagon.

She gets out and reiterates her intent to get Jack so he can make new babies for angels (mind you, the angels still have no plan how to deal with Jack and his powers – like, at all). Then reinforcements show up. In other crappy cars.

Dean bails and runs into the boat. The Brothers make angel sigils and the angels start blasting them from the outside. Kaia finally steps up and says she can help Jack send the four of them to another world.

BTW, we’ve got new incidental music, y’all. Don’t think we had any classic rock at all this week. Guess Jack’s FX cost too much.

So, Jack and Kaia go to the Bad Place and Jack starts showing her how to go somewhere else. He sees other worlds, then Grody Alt-SPN World and Mary. Dean yells at Jack to hurry up, but Kaia is losing the direction. She screams as her face glows. The angels are all blasted to dust and all four of TFW 2.0 vanish, leaving behind a glowing rift (I’m sure this won’t create any future problems).

Muting the Riverdale ad because ugh.

At her house, Jody is calling Sam and leaving him a message to call her. She’s worried. The doorbell rings and it’s Patience. Patience says she “had a vision,” but rather than tell Jody what it is (that Jody died. Again), she just says that “something bad is coming.”

Pan over the rotting barge (apparently, the angels are really dead) to a roadside in daytime, with Kaia lying unconscious. Then we see Mary in her cage in Grody Alt-SPN World looking down at Jack waking up on the floor. Then Dean and Sam wake up in The Bad Place and walk (unknowingly) through a Godzilla footprint while something large screeches and stomps in the near distance.

Credits. Obviously.


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The Official “The Scorpion and the Frog” (13.08) Live Recap Thread


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Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

Sorry about the big delay, but I had a book event last night and lots of errands today. FYI, The Supernatural Codex: Season 1, my collection of recaps and reviews from Innsmouth Free Press (plus some extras) is out on Kindle and will very soon be out in print, too. Check it out.

Anyhoo, we start off with a standard, no-rock recap of the season so far.

Cut to Now in Cambridge, England, at “7:45 pm on a Friday.” A young woman with a red suit jacket and a smug smile enters the Cambridge Museum (there are several, but the show doesn’t say which one this is) and goes down to one of the archival labs, where she enters by busting in the door (after the key card number doesn’t work). She extracts two leafs of manuscript (looks like Greek) after examining them and puts them in her alligator skin (faux?) satchel.

It’s at that point she’s rousted by a puzzled guard. She then opens her mouth and out smokes a demon. As she calmly collapses, it immediately goes into the hapless guard, who goes outside into the alley and meets up with a man in a nice suit and coat. The demon gives the man the satchel, wondering aloud how Asmodeus will reward them. The man responds by killing the demon and the poor guard he’s wearing with an angel blade.

Then the man gets on the phone and calls one Dean Winchester. He tells Dean he has something Dean might like.

Cue title cards.

Cut to Dean cleaning a gun, which never fails to be hot. Sam comes in and suggests the gun is plenty clean, indicating that something is on Dean’s mind. Sam hasn’t been able to find either Ketch or Kevin – sorry, Jack. This missing persons are what’s on Dean’s mind.

The phone rings. It’s Teaser Killer Guy making his Teaser Call. He wants to talk about Jack having gone off on his own. Sam quickly susses out and sotta voce’s to Dean that it’s a demon. Dean rolls his eyes at Sam. Since when are these things not about demons, Sam?

The demon gives them a time and address of a cafe (a public place) and the Brothers discuss the wisdom of coming as they head there. Sam thinks it’s worth a shot. Dean figures it’s risky. They’re probably both right.

Dean says that since Crowley died, he’s “sworn off demons.” It’s just not worth it and dealing with them never ends well. Sam suggests that they at least “hear him out,” to which Dean replies, “all right, and then we kill him.”

Inside, they find a guy who looks like Crowley-lite and head over to his table. Cue the sneak peek. The demon introduces himself as “Barthamus – Bart’s fine.”

Bart: The Famous Winchesters.
Dean: Some Random Demon.

Bart and Dean exchange banter, then Bart gives them one of the manuscript leaves. He says it’s half of a finding spell for a Naphil and also tries to bribe Dean with pie. Sam asks him what he’s about. Bart says he became the new head CRD after Crowley became King of Hell (a hint that the CRD we saw in season two really was Crowley). He says he wants to do a deal with the Brothers (not their souls) for the other manuscript leaf. Dean points out that the Brothers generally just kill demons like Bart, so Bart calls Sam “the smart one” and suggests he have a look at the manuscript to see if it’s real. Then he leaves. I’m a bit weary of demons calling Dean stupid, especially when Dean is calling them out on their game. Calling Sam the smarter brother doesn’t make Sam look good, either, considering the number of times a demon did that to butter up Sam’s ego (at least Sam doesn’t seem to fall for it this time). It feels more like a lazy writer insert than organic.

Anyhoo, Sam is a little shocked when Dean just goes ahead and eats the pie.

Cut to Sam finishing up his analysis and Dean asking him how it went. Sam is surprised to say that it went pretty well. He says it’s Ancient Hittite and that it appears that King Solomon created it so that he could “stalk his girlfriend” (as Dean put it), the Queen of Sheba, who turns out to have been a naphil. Dean points out that dealings with demons never go well with them.

Sam then says that this is true, but that Jack is out there and he needs them. And they ought to take the risk on his behalf (damn, Sam, I actually bought that and I’m not even missing Jack very much), so Dean agrees.

Bart is waiting in what looks like Oliver Queen’s office-dungeon (but with windows), with two nervous associates. He assures them the Brothers will be there. When Sam and Dean arrive, Bart introduces the two as Smash (a safe cracker) and Grab (a demon who is an expert on “supernatural security”).

Dean perks up when he realizes this is a heist. Didn’t know the Brothers quite as well as you thought, eh, Bart? Should’ve led with that.

The target is a man named Luther Shrike. He collects “rare supernatural objects,” as well as something that Bart owns. Bart admits that he can’t get in himself because he needs the blood of a person who has been to Hell and back – literally. Then he pointedly looks at Dean. I could have sworn Sam had been there, too (not just in the Cage, which isn’t the Pit – what Bart may really have meant – but in the execrable “Taxi Driver”), but this is straight-up ignored in favor of targeting Dean and our seeing some flashbacks to Dean’s time there.

Dean says fine, take some blood, but Bart says that he actually needs it still inside Dean. But he also needs the Brothers’ expertise at handling “curve balls.”

Sam’s the one who says no when Bart won’t say what the object is he’s looking for. Bart saying Luther is human, but a very bad man, doesn’t budge the Winchesters on the subject. But Bart says he’ll give Asmodeus the spell if they won’t cooperate, which brings Sam up short.

The Brothers go off to consult. Dean says a double-cross from Bart is a sure thing. Sam agrees, but says they need to play along to keep the spell out of Asmodeus’ hands. And then, once they get it, they’ll double-cross Bart first and kill him. Dean likes that plan, so they come back and agree to Bart’s terms.

Bart’s positively gleeful about the plan, saying Luther will never see them coming.

Cut to Luther hearing that Bart is coming from a demon minion of Asmodeus. The demon asks that Luther give Asmodeus a heads-up once Bart & Co. show up. Luther responds by leading the demon into a devil’s trap and exorcising it, saying he doesn’t need a demon’s help to defend his own house.

Cut to outside Luther’s house as the Brothers arrive. Sam is driving and tells the gate security camera he’s there about an artifact he’d emailed Luther about (and giving a false name).

Dean is hiding in the back of the Impala with Smash under a blanket. Dean’s head is down by her feet. This precipitates a crack based on the famous line near the end of Ocean’s 11 (“Ted Nugent called. He wants his shirt back”): “Hey, Winona, the 90s called. They want their shoes back.”

Anyhoo, Sam is allowed in and drives up the crappy dirt road a bit before stopping and saying “Clear.” Out gets a nervous Smash and a calm Dean. The Brothers exchange a quick “Don’t get dead” then Dean and Smash disappear into the woods to the sound of thunder and rain while Sam drives up to the house. He rings the bell and the door opens on a foyer with a devil’s trap. Luther calls from another room and Sam enters it.

Dean and Smash go into a shed where Dean makes a spell in the dirt. While she waits, Smash drinks from a can. Dean recognizes it as an energy drink (“Nerve Damage”) he used to practically live on as a kid and gets nostalgic. They bond a little when she offers him a can, but she gets grumpy again when he probes her reasons for working for Bart.

Dean finishes the spell, which is to summon in Grab. Grab admits that he doesn’t know where the vault they’re looking for is, but Dean’s blood will lead them to it. Grab then says a spell in Latin (basically, it says, “Infernal blood, show the way”). Nothing happens at first, but then Dean’s flashlight hand gets a mind of its own and drags him after it. Smash and Grab follow.

Inside, Luther offers Sam some homemade gin, which Sam downs with a grimace. Luther shows Sam a basilisk’s fang (a test, maybe?), but Sam says it’s actually a gorgon’s tooth (that basilisk fangs are hollow). Sam says he’d love to see more of Luther’s collection, but Luther just wants to stick to business.

So, Sam shows him the artifact he brought. It’s Ruby’s spork.

Outside, Dean is leading Grab and Smash through a sort of park. They arrive at a cellar door with no lock. As Dean puts it, no lock is “never a good sign.” With a grumpy sigh, Smash opens up the door, but Grab won’t go in. Dean and Smash have to go in without him. Inside, there’s a door with a lion’s head on it. Smash tells him he has to put his hand in the lion’s mouth.

Upstairs, Luther is on to Sam and says he’s with Bart. For a practiced liar, Sam sure does stutter. But Bart has it wrong that Sam is a demon and goes after him with the Spork. Luther gets a shotgun and Sam goes for the Spork, but when he stabs Luther, Luther doesn’t die. Oops. Luther knocks him out.

Downstairs, Dean is dithering over sticking his hand in. Once he finally does it, a mechanism grabs his hand and gets a drop of blood. The door opens, but when an exasperated Smash enters, Dean saves her from a poison dart. As they try to figure out what to do next, Luther stabs Grab and comes down after them.

A freaked-out Smash knees Luther and flees up the stairs. Dean puts a lot of bullets into Luther, but Luther just keeps coming, after admitting that Sam is still alive last he saw him. Sam shows up and warns Dean that Luther is immortal (well…on the property, anyway). Dean punches Luther and knocks him out.

Dean interrogates Luther, but Luther won’t talk, so Dean puts a strip of duct tape over his mouth and the Brothers put their heads together over how to get to the vault. After some babbling that he only ever watched Entrapment, and that was because he had a crush on Catherine Zeta Jones, Sam gets an idea he calls “crazy.”

“I’m good with crazy,” Dean says.

It turns out that Sam wants to put Luther’s situational immortality to their own use. They tie Luther to a chair and shove him through all the traps. He gets darted and the Brothers are able to walk in behind him. Dean is quite impressed.

Smash shows back up, after having fled out to the gate and encountered Bart, who calls her “Alice” and reminds her of her deal. The Brothers note she sold her soul. She says that as long as she does jobs for Bart, he doesn’t collect. The Brothers offer to help, but she doesn’t think they can (honey, did you forget how Dean found the vault?).

So, she cracks the safe and they get the trunk, but Luther has escaped. He comes after them in a pickup. Dean backs up and Sam shoots out Bart’s tires. Once they get him out, he tells them his story. His son was dying and he traded his soul to save him. But his son drowned a few years later, anyway. Once he got down to Hell, Luther negotiated a new deal. Oh, and he found some new leverage – he found Bart’s bones. That’s what’s in the trunk when they open it up.

His infodumping task done, Luther gets beheaded from behind by Bart. He’s off the grounds, you see.

Bart says that Luther was two centuries old and then tells the Brothers to hand over the goods. Dean’s not thrilled, but lets Sam make the decision and Sam says no, the deal’s off. Bart asks if they’re stupid and Dean says no, “We just don’t like you.”

Bart then grabs Smash and threatens to kill her. The Brothers are forced to stand by as Bart takes possession of the trunk and, for added cruelty, insists Smash get in with it. But as she approaches the trunk, she sees that Dean has dropped his lighter in there. She picks it up and lights up Bart’s bones before he can react. Unfortunately, though Sam is able to go after the other half of the spell when Bart drops it, it burns before he can put it out (you just stomp the fire out – oh, never mind).

So, the Brothers see Smash – sorry, Alice – off on a bus, after she thanks Dean for saving her life and soul. Dean tells her to “stay weird” (he called her that earlier) and she sticks her tongue out at him.

Back at the Bunker, Sam is depressed that they lost the second half of the spell. Dean says that at least they saved someone and that they will find another way. Well … also, they kept the entire spell out of Asmodeus’ hands and didn’t Bart say he made copies? But that doesn’t get mentioned.

Anyhoo, they clink glasses over it.

Credits.


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The Official “War of the Worlds” (13.07) Live Recap Thread


We need your help!

Contribute monthly via Patreon (which includes perks), make a one-time donation through Paypal, or buy us a coffee.


I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

So, let’s get started. Keeping my expectations low, since it’s the Nepotism Duo, we’ve got Colonel Sanders again, and the episode got a series low of 0.3/1 and 1.21 million. And yeah, Arrow did even worse, and it was Thanksgiving, and they were also up against football, but still. It’s not as though fandom is identifying this as a lost masterpiece, either.

Recap of Lucifer getting owned by Mary and alt-Michael, Asmodeus’ extremely tedious search for Jack, and Jack’s stupid decision at the end of last week.

Cut to Lucifer in prison, whinging a lot more (this time to alt-Michael) about Chuck. Turns out alt-Michael can interrogate Lucifer and also torture him. Which he does. Whatever. This show sure loves its torture scenes.

Cue title cards.

Cue the sneak peek, where Dean asks Sam about his search for Jack and Sam infodumps that Jack has vanished. Castiel comes in and says he must go find him and he’s got a contact to see if Jack has been captured by anyone naughty. When Dean offers to come along, Castiel basically admits his contact is an angel, so that’s a no-go. Dean then tells Castiel not to do anything stupid, which pretty much guarantees Castiel will end up doing something spectacularly stupid. It’s almost as if I’ve been watching this show for over a decade now.

In the midst of this, Dean decides to check out a case of witches being ritually murdered. Because reasons.

Cut to Asmodeus. All I can say is I hope this scene will be very short.

Anyhoo, Colonel Sanders is calling psychically to Jack, with no success. A demon interrupts him to say they can’t find Jack, either, and they have a “Hunter on the payroll” (really? Only one? The Nep Duo sure forget canon awful fast), who says the Brothers don’t have him, either. CS whines a bit about how Jack can hide when he has so much power (it’s because he’s a walking plot device, dummy). Lots of whining in this episode.

Cut to the alt-world, where alt-Michael is apparently dissatisfied with the barren rock he’s turned Earth into, even though that was the whole plan in the first place. Welp, color me confused on that one.

So, he interrogates Lucifer a bit about our “nicer” planet, which he wants to visit and rule (and, presumably, ruin, too) and then he calls in alt-Kevin (yes, Kevin’s alive in this reality). Kevin has found a spell in the Angel Tablets (there was only one Angel Tablet, you morons) to cross over to other realities, but it requires archangel grace. So, of course Michael takes some of Lucifer’s. Because that’s  a thing now.

Not at all impressed by alt-Michael so far and this entire alternate realities storyline continues to be a hot, hot mess.

Back to the Brothers (finally), who are on the dead witch case. Dean has already figured it’s not Hunters. Sam has found some CCTV footage near the time when the last witch was kidnapped and killed, and Dean spots someone on the monitor who looks familiar – it’s Ketch. With a beard.

CW, you need to just go away with these endless Riverdale ads. They actually make me want to watch that show even less.

While the Brothers argue (in broad daylight) over how Ketch can be alive and why he would be killing witches, they’re approached by a woman named Daniela, who is a witch and (obviously) knows who they are. Sam is actually handed the Idiot Ball long enough to ask how she knows. Sam, come on, really?

Anyhoo, she figures they may not like witches, but they do help people and boy, does she need help.

Back in Stupid Alt-World, Kevin is cooking up the crossover spell, while Lucifer and his guards look on. Lucifer actually tries to talk Kevin out of it by saying it’s evil. Alt-Kevin, to his credit, calls Lucifer out on the hypocrisy of that, but then kinda spoils it by saying alt-Michael will take him to “Paradise World.”

So, anyhoo, the spell works fine, but it only works for one person (as alt-Kevin tells alt-Michael after Lucifer breaks free and escapes through it). Alt-Michael tells Kevin to fix it. Also, Mary is apparently still trapped there. Yay.

Lucifer lands back in our world, but he’s mistaken for a crazy homeless person because he now has no powers.

If you think that’s excruciatingly lame, wait until you check out the next scene where Colonel Sanders is interrogating a motel clerk who had the misfortune of checking in the Brothers and Jack one day recently, then senses something. He says it’s not Jack, so it must be Lucifer’s return through the portal.

Lord, this episode is really quite bad.

Cut to a creepy house in the middle of the woods, a “safe house” where Daniela has taken the Brothers. She shows them scars and says she was caught by the “serial killer” who has been hunting witches. Sam gets her to identify Ketch as the one. She says she managed to get free and disable him temporarily with a spell.

Sam asks her what Ketch wanted. She says he’s looking for Rowena. Dean notes that Rowena is dead. Daniela agrees and says that’s what everyone is telling Ketch, hence the trail of bodies.

Daniela is fearful and says she wants to hide until it’s all over. Instead, Dean suggests they use her as bait.

Later that night, she’s sitting at a table, playing Tarot cards, when she hears a noise and then a smoke bomb crashes through the grate and she passes out. A figure in a gas mask bursts in and shoots up the place, but as he turns around, he gets dart-gunned by Dean. The Brothers come in from outside. As Sam helps Daniela out the door, Dean pulls off the intruder’s mask. Yup. It’s Ketch.

I don’t really see the point of having killed off a bunch of characters last season, only to bring them back. And I sure didn’t miss Ketch.

As Dean interrogates him, Ketch claims not to be Ketch. He doesn’t have his old tattoo and he claims he’d never get one. I roll my eyes pretty hard. Please tell me, Show, that you’re not going to dumb down the Brothers so much that they buy this even a little.

At least somewhat to their credit, they laugh outright at Ketch’s claim that his name is Alexander and they’ve mistaken him for his psycho brother Arthur (how this is supposed to explain his attempt on Daniela’s life I really don’t know).

Anyhoo, Ketch claims he chickened out of the LoL “initiation” and ran off to become a Hunter-for-hire. He’s just killing witches because they’re bad and doesn’t really have a good reason for looking up Rowena except that she’s a witch.

It’s like these two writers don’t even try, anymore. If they ever did.

So, Sam finds a paper trail that looks pretty convincing, but then, the Brothers have pretty convincing paper trails, too. Dean is unconvinced. The writers get in a little dig at the Brothers being *really* stupid by having Sam say they dumped the body rather than burned it (which would make it very hard for him to resurrect). They would never just dump the body. They *always* salt and burn.

Anyhoo, Dean is not buying it at all. I’m so proud of you, Dean.

Ketch continues to work on Sam, who is the one who is buying this a tiny bit. Sam says some nasty things about “Arthur,” which provokes “Alexander” to defend “Arthur.” Uh-huh. Sure, Ketch.

Via his Alexander persona, Ketch claims to “regret” some of what he did to the Winchester family. He’s lucky he’s talking to Sam. Dean wouldn’t care.

Meanwhile, Castiel is meeting with his contact, Duma, who predictably betrays him to the other angels. Seems they have this daft plan to capture Jack and force him to make new angels, since none have been made “since the dawn of time.” Yeah, let’s totally forget that bit where Castiel is only about half a billion years old.

Anyhoo, there’s a fight and it’s broken up by Lucifer. Lucifer does red-glowy eyes and the angels flee before they see that Lucifer doesn’t have his full powers.

After exchanging Cliff’s Notes on why each is not dead/in another dimension, Lucifer forestalls Castiel stabbing him by explaining that WE ARE ALL IN DANGER. AND IT’S NOT ME THIS TIME.

Over beers in a bar (I’m not kidding; that’s the least-daft thing about this whole episode), Lucifer explains that alt-Michael is much more powerful than his brother in this reality. Which makes no sense, but whatever. Lucifer wants Castiel to help him find Jack so they can form their own version of TFW and kick alt-Michael’s ass when he comes through the portal (which, if course, he will, because why waste any time on introducing him, otherwise?). Personally, I remain quite salty about what this show has done to this reality’s Michael, but there you go.

Castiel, to his credit, is totally unimpressed and pretty hung up on the part where Lucifer killed him the last time they met. They trade a few insults and Lucifer tries to schmooze Castiel. He keeps banging away at how God is not there.

Castiel insists he has to talk to Sam and Dean. Lucifer says they’d just put him back in the Cage. Castiel points out that’s exactly what he wants, too. Lucifer finally clues in that Castiel doesn’t know where Jack is.

Back at the Bunker, Dean gets a call from a contact he made (the motel manager whose clerk Asmodeus just wasted). He puts two-and-two together, especially since Asmodeus was stupid enough to show up personally at the motel, and comes up with Asmodeus looking for Jack.

Meanwhile, Sam is letting Ketch wander around the Bunker in manacles. Because Sam really is written that dumb this week.

Ketch keeps up with the charade. Dean doesn’t buy it. Ketch unwisely asks about Mary, but Dean refuses to give him any info.

He gets a call from Castiel, but Castiel is caught by Lucifer, who walks off with Castiel’s phone. Dean realizes something odd is going on and heads off with Sam to meet up with Castiel. Dean is unhappy about the idea of leaving Ketch locked up in the Bunker.

At the bar, Lucifer is having a hissy-fit once Castiel brings him up to speed. All he cares about is whether or not Jack is powerful, and he assumes that Jack tortured the Winchesters.

Before Castiel can set him straight, Asmodeus and his crew show up. Bleah. I am so over this guy. He just needs to die. Also, I really, really hate his henchdemons.

Lucifer insults Colonel Sanders. Asmodeus instead decides to defy Lucifer and does so successfully. I roll my eyes really hard.

The Brothers enter the bar, only to find it empty and dark. The bartender has been smoked by Asmodeus, so he can’t help.

Fortunately, Asmodeus has left behind his henchdemons to take out the Winchesters, so there’s a fight (where, it must be said because there’s an important plot point here, Dean does better than Sam). One demon is about to take out Sam when Ketch shows up and kills her, while Dean takes out his last demon.

Sam is actually dumb enough to ask how Ketch got out. Dean isn’t as dumb as Sam, though, and pulls a gun on Ketch, having finally found the evidence he needs to confirm it’s really him.

Ketch admits that the whole “twin brother” thing is just his cover. He’s on the run from the LoL as a deserter and works on the downlow as a sort of enforcer in the magical world. Sam asks how he’s alive and he says Rowena was captured by the LoL once and he helped her escape in exchange for her giving him the same charm she used to resurrect. After Dean tells him Lucifer killed her (and Ketch acts skeptical), he admits that he has to recharge the “device” and tries to snow Dean a bit, which Dean doesn’t buy.

Ketch: Did it ever occur to you, Dean, that I might actually be one of the good guys?

Dean: No. Not even once.

When Ketch realizes Dean is going to kill him – again – he throws down a smoke bomb and flees, but not before Dean gets a shot at him and wounds him.

Later, Dean gets a call from “Castiel,” who claims everything is fine on his end, now. But of course it’s Asmodeus. Asmodeus then monologues to Ketch (who is working for him) that he’s keeping Lucifer and Castiel on tap for now, and that he needs “that nephilim” if he’s going to beat alt-Michael. Ketch replies, “You really needn’t worry.” Yeah, this show really didn’t need this character back and it sure as hell doesn’t need Asmodeus. What a way to reduce the impact of the original YED.

Credits.


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The Official “Tombstone” (13.06) Live Recap Thread


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Recap of Jack’s storyline that goes way over the top trying to get the idea across that he’s really a good kid, despite being highly destructive and also emphasizes how boring and unnecessary he is. Good times. Then we get some recapping of Castiel’s death and rebirth, sans the awesome song from last week. Guess they couldn’t afford Steppenwolf two weeks in a row.

Cut to Now in Dodge City, KS, where Dean and an older cop named Sarge are roaming a graveyard at night with guns and flashlights, intently searching for something unseen and highly dangerous. Dean grumps that the MOTW is “messing with us” and goes ahead to “flush him out.” But instead, Sarge gets grabbed from belowground and disappears.

Cue title cards.

Gee, I wonder if we will get a lazy flashback – yup, we did. “48 Hours Earlier.”

Cue the sneak peek by the payphone, where Dean hugs Castiel (and then Sam does) and Castiel explains he was in the Empty. He assumes the Brothers somehow brought him back. Dean says that they didn’t even think they could do that. They bandy about the possibility that Chuck did it, but Castiel repeats the Empty entity’s claim that Chuck has no power there (which is crap, since Castiel’s been dead many times before and Chuck always brought him back). Sam then guesses it must have been Jack (bleah) and looks all proud.

So, they get back the Bunker and show him to Jack, who is thrilled at Castiel’s return and they hug. But Jack has no idea how he might have brought Castiel back. Jack then proudly shows them what he’s been up to in their absence. He’s learned how to levitate a pencil and geeks out over a case of a pocket watch that turned up at an antiques shop after having been buried with someone. He thinks zombies. Sam and Castiel are skeptical, but as son as Dean hears the case is in Dodge City, he’s all over going.

Once there, it turned out Dean got them the best room in the house, which includes photos of all sorts of outlaws (Dean geeks out over every one). A little worried, Jack comments that Dean sure loves cowboys and Castiel rather grimly agrees.

Later, Sam comments that Dean seems very happy, which is great considering how depressed he’s been (Saammmm, just let it goooooo), but he seems skeptical about something. Probably Castiel’s resurrection, since Dean is just willing to let that one go as a genuine win for once.

Meanwhile, a young cop is checking out an abandoned, stolen truck with the lights still on. He hears rustling in the corn and freaks out, but that doesn’t prevent his being dragged under the truck and eaten.

Back at the hotel, Sam and Dean are asleep, Dean snoring, while Jack (who doesn’t sleep much) and Castiel (who doesn’t sleep at all) talk about Heaven and how Jack’s mother must be there. Castiel goes on about what a saint she was (Show, she was a walking womb for Nephilim and *if* her soul still exists, it’s pretty unlikely the angels let it go to Heaven. Move on). Jack says he saw Kelly’s message for him and that he had an angel watching over him. Castiel tries to apologize for being dead and Jack talks a bit about how little he remembers being in the womb.

Castiel decides to venture into the territory of Kelly being convinced that Jack is going to turn the planet into a paradise. Because that’s always worked out so well in the past. [/sarcasm]

Jack gets a hit on whatever search he’s doing (presumably the young cop who just got eaten) and rushes off to wake up Dean, despite Castiel’s warnings. Dean wakes up yelling and wielding a gun. Once they calm him down, he demands coffee.

As Dean caffeinates, Castiel tells Jack, “I told you. He’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.” Meanwhile, Sam is checking out Jack’s find. The young cop was found covered in “bite marks,” which could be all sorts of MOTWs. Sam says he’ll go to the graveyard with Jack, while Dean and Castiel go interview cops at the crime scene.

That morning, Dean and Castiel drive out to the crime scene. Dean is dressed to the nines, while Castiel is in his trenchcoat and a ten gallon hat. Dean geeks about “blending in.” I facepalm in second-hand embarrassment. Oh, yeah. This is going to be classic.

Sonofabitch, they got Steve Miller Band’s “Space Cowboy.” Now *I’m* geeking out.

Anyhoo, they walk up to the scene, with Dean asking who’s in charge and Castiel doing a pretty terrible-yet-disturbingly-accurate impression of Nathan Lane’s impression of John Wayne in The Birdcage.

Dean introduces himself to “Sarge” from the teaser as “Agent Russell,” while Castiel introduces himself as “Val Kilmer.” Gotta give Sarge credit – he just rolls with it.

Turns out the dead cop was Sarge’s nephew and his throat got slit. He figures them for Texas Rangers. Apparently, this wasn’t the original cover, as Castiel begins to correct him, but Dean interrupts Castiel and goes along with the new ID. Sarge looks skeptical, but rolls with it.

Dean says they’re tracking someone across state lines who’s been robbing graves. Sarge says his nephew was looking into a local grave robber. His only warning to them is that if he catches the guy first, he’s taking him out personally. Dean looks like he can respect that.

In the morgue, the medical examiner is doing her autopsy while listening to The Bonecollectors’ “They Call Me Zombie.” Sam and Jack try to talk to her, but it takes a while. Actually, it turns out her name is “Athena” and she’s the undertaker.

She claims not to know much about the grave robbing, having been at a concert, and Jack makes things a bit awkward by asking odd questions about ghosts.

Outside in a graveyard, Jack sees a lot of EMF. Sam says that there usually is a lot of EMF in graveyards. The coroner apparently claimed rats got into the coffin, but it looks as though something busted out of the coffin from the inside, which Sam notices and comments on. Then Sam gropes under some dirt in the grave and finds a gnawed-on half of a pelvis.

Back at the hotel, the Brothers and Castiel concur it’s a ghoul. Castiel explains that you kill them by beheading (Dean, from gruesome, onscreen personal experience, adds, “Or bashing their brains in).

As Team Free Will 2.0 (Dean’s earlier designation) discusses who it could be, we get a quick flash of Athena. Both Castiel and Sam suggest it’s her, but Dean points out that she’s an undertaker. She already has access to the bodies. She doesn’t need to dig them up.

Jack then finds some traffic cam footage from not long (well … broad daylight) before the dead cop’s death and Dean recognizes the driver of the stolen vehicle. It’s Dave Mathers (who is, at that moment, slapping Athena on the butt and schmoozing her). Thing is, Dave Mathers was a gunslinger who died almost a century and a half ago.

Meanwhile, Athena has gotten a letter of acceptance into Carruth, where she could become a makeup and FX artist. But Dave isn’t happy because it’s in LA and would be expensive. As the show dances around the possibility that Athena is also a ghoul, she suggests she could sell the mortuary, which makes Dave unhappy.

Back at the hotel, TFW2.0 is discussing how a ghoul could eat a very dead gunslinger and Jack remembers he saw a photo in the morgue of Dave with Athena. They’re dating. Off all four of them go to the morgue/mortuary, where they try to explain to Athena what’s going on.

Meanwhile, Dave is robbing a bank.

As he exits the bank, Dean confronts him with a rifle. Sam, Castiel and Jack also come up. It turns out the ghoul likes to keep pieces of Dave around to “gnaw on.” Improbably, Dave survives the initial exchange of gunfire. Unfortunately, the security guard comes out to grab Dave at the same moment Jack decides to TK him, and the security guard is thrown into a pillar and dies. Castiel is unable to revive him.

Jack is devastated, while the others discuss that this was his first time killing someone (well … besides Dagon and his mother). Dean sends the three of them back to the Bunker with the intention of continuing the Hunt on his own.

Meanwhile, Athena is discovering Dave robbed the bank to help her get out of town, but also that he killed the cop. As things get ugly, they’re interrupted by car headlights. Both Sarge and Dean arrive. The bank teller ID’d Dave as Athena’s boyfriend.

After a brief discussion in which they both admit they’re vigilantes (and Dean tells Sarge how to kill him), we get the teaser scene all over again.

Dean is initially very hesitant about going into the tunnel after Sarge and the ghoul, but does so, anyway, grumbling all the way: “Come to Dodge City! Have some laughs!”

Random cut to the Impala, where Sam and Castiel try to cheer Jack up, Castiel by admitting he’s killed people who didn’t deserve it. He insists Jack can “do better,” that it’s not the end of the world.

Jack doesn’t want to hear it.

Dean arrives back in the mortuary by way of the tunnels. He finds Athena, tied up. He tells her her boyfriend isn’t human. He also finds Sarge. But maybe he’s one of them … nope. He’s still Dave. He comes up behind Dean and gets the drop on him.

He tells Athena he’s doing it for “us.” Athena just breaks up with him. Dean taunts him over it.

Dave gets mad and tells Dean he shouldn’t have come down armed (um … but Dean did) and that he’s “not fast enough.”

Dean says, “No … but he is.” And he steps aside for Sarge to blow Dave’s head off. Afterward, Dean gets Sarge to agree to blame the security guard’s death on Dave, too.

Back at the Bunker, Jack is still wallowing. He says that maybe he’s still “just another monster.” Dean says he doesn’t believe that, anymore. He says they’ve all done bad things (something Sam and Castiel also say).

Jack doesn’t really buy it. He thinks that he can’t do good things, no matter what he does, and that he cares about them too much to be around them and hurt them (or something). He then uses a burst of sparks to toss them across the room and (despite not having wings previously) flies away. Really, Show? Like this character wasn’t already ridiculously overpowered?

Credits.


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The Official “Advanced Thanatology” (13.05) Live Recap Thread


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I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.


Recap of death, both little d and big D, including some of Dean’s greatest deaths hits and Dean killing Death, plus Billie from last season getting killed off.

So, we can expect something about death this episode.

Cut to Now in Grand Junction, CO, in the woods at night. I’m sure whatever is about to happen will end well.

Two Doomed Teaser Teens are about to jump a fence to get in somewhere. With video cameras. It’s an old mental hospital and the pretty, bigger boy (Evan) is far more into it – too into it – than the other. Evan recounts to the boy a story of a man there who used to slice open patients’ skulls. The other boy suggests that maybe the culprit should cut open Evan’s skull to make him shut up. Good idea.

Up the stairs they go, recording all the way. The other kid hesitates, but Evan shames him into going up. We also find out that another kid, Mike, wisely “punked out” and didn’t come.

Upstairs, they find hospital beds, lots of dust, and a small OR with plague masks on a shelf. Evan tells the other kid to take one and put it in his bag. They hear a creaking noise, but Evan dismisses it. Evan is brave until the creaking gets louder and they hear whispers. They both run downstairs, where Evan gets knocked down and drilled by a ghost in a plague mask and butcher’s apron. The other kid gets bloodied, but breaks free and runs out of the house, Evan’s screams in his ears. He loses is camera in the process, so so much for evidence.

Title cards.

Cut to Dean having a PB&J sandwich for breakfast as Sam walks in. Sam comments on this, opens the fridge, and hands Dean a beer. “Live a little,” he says. Dean, who had previously demurred, asks Sam what is going on with him. Sam deflects and starts relating this case he found, which is, of course, about the DTTs we just met.

By the way, Misha Collins is listed as third lead.

Sam gives the other kid a name – Sean Rader – and says he was found wandering down the road, incapable of saying anything but the single word, “monster.”

Sam suggests they go without Jack, since Jack is binge-watching Sam’s sword and sorcery movies, and says they should go work a case themselves. In case any fans were wondering about Jack’s longevity as a recurring character, he’s getting the Kevin-in-MOTWs treatment this week.

In daylight, they pull up to a house in suits. Dean is surprised when Sam hands him his favorite fake ID – Agent Page, but Sam just brushes it off. They’re interviewing Sean’s mother, who says the doctor says Sean is physically fine, but psychologically traumatized so he can’t speak.

Dean goes to talk to Sean, who is drawing pictures of a figure in a plague mask (shades of “Dead in the Water”), while Sam interviews the Mom (who, yes, Eva, was in “Trial and Error”). She says that Sean, Evan and Mike were “inseparable” and that Mike is insisting he doesn’t know anything about what happened.

Dean tries to get Sean to talk to him by saying he sees monsters in his dreams, but that he and his brother are the things that monsters fear. Alas, it doesn’t work.

As they get back the hotel, Sam suggests they go to a strip club, called the Clam Dive (ewwwwwwww), which he read reviews about online. Dean calls him on this, too, and how Sam has been nice to him all day, but doesn’t let Sam squirm out of it this time. Sam admits he’s very worried about Dean, that Dean is “in a dark place” and too depressed to care about people and saving them, anyway.

Dean insists he’s fine. As his hand hovers over the front desk call bell, he says will fight his way out of his funk the same way he always does – “with bullets, bacon and booze [ding!] a lot of booze.”

Sean later wakes up from a nightmare. His mom rushes in and comforts him. He actually says something besides “monster” – “okay” – and his mother is relieved at this breakthrough.

But it’s shortlived, as soon after, the ghost with the drill appears in his room and breaks through his skull (for some reason, Sean gets out of bed to meet the ghost).

Sam wakes up in the hotel to the alarm in the morning and is concerned to find Dean’s bed empty. But then he hears snoring and finds Dean passed out on the floor, a spilled beer next to him, his tie around his head, a pink bra around his neck, on top of one of his shoes. I so want a screencap of that.

Though concerned that this isn’t quite what he had in mind, Sam quietly gets dressed and leaves to interview the remaining kid, allowing Dean to sleep it off on peace.

Mike is working at a barn, moving some hay bales (sure don’t miss doing that). Mike is nervous and Sam works out of him that his friends went to “the old Meadows place” and he was too scared to go. Poor Mike is genuinely worried about them.

Back at the hotel, Dean, in dark glasses and still in his suit (sans tie) from the night before, is eating a ton of bacon at the complimentary breakfast. When Sam comes in and snarks about it, Dean says, “What happened to you being nice to me?”

Sam pulls out a large bottle of booze.

Dean [taking it]: “You are forgiven.”

Sam fills Dean in on the Dr. Meadows, who was a creepy psychiatrist who experimented on his patients back in the 1960s. He gave them lobotomies and continued to keep and experiment on those who survived. He was eventually caught and executed.

Dean notes that one of the photos has a mask similar to the one Sean drew. Sam calls it a “plague mask” (got it in one) and says Dr. Meadows was wearing one when he was arrested. They had to rip it off. Sam also later says that Meadows was cremated, so maybe he’s attached to an object Sean took from the house (you know, like the mask Evan stuck in his backpack).

Sam gets a call. It’s from Penny, Sean’s mother. She says Sean is missing. After she comforted him the night before, she went to bed. It then got very cold, so she went into his room to see if he needed a blanket. He had simply disappeared.

Both brothers immediately guess it’s a ghost, probably Meadows’. Dean feels guilty about not trying harder to get Sean to talk, though Sam says Sean might still be alive.

Sam guesses that since Meadows held his “patients” prisoner at his house, that might be where Sean is.

At the house (which looks remarkably like the one from “Regarding Dean” and “There Will Be Blood), Sam’s EMF goes off like crazy, but Dean spots the ghost first. Behind Sam. Sam gets knocked aside and then the ghost goes after Dean. Dean gets thrown up against a wall and the doc goes after him with his drill.

Sam dispels the ghost with iron before Dean can get trepanned and up the stairs they go, looking for Sean. They find the office. Dean notices the line of masks and correctly guesses they are Meadows’ tie to this world (the missing one is not mentioned). When he touches one, they hear the ghost scream in another part of the house.

Sam starts laying down a line of salt in front of the door while telling Dean to burn the masks. Dean does so as the ghost blasts away the line of salt and comes after Sam. Fortunately, it goes up before it can attack him (nice effect).

Problem is, as the Brothers are exiting down the hallway, their breath mists up again. Sam suggests one of Meadows’ patients is still trapped. Dean guesses a *lot* of them are still trapped. They run to the stairs as doors slam and lights burst. On the stairwell, Dean asks why the ghosts can’t become visible and Sam guesses they’re not strong enough to “pierce the Veil.” Dean grumps that they can kill the Brothers, though.

Dean decides he needs to take a shamanic soul trip to the Veil to lead the ghosts (as a psychopomp) out of this life after asking them what they still want. While Sam protests, Dean pulls out a case with two honking huge needs – one that will kill him and one that will bring him back (yes, this is medically stupid; let’s just roll with it) – and stabs himself with it, after telling Sam to give him three minutes and then bring him back.

As an upset Sam gently lays Dean’s body down, Dean reappears as a fetch nearby. He tries to attract the attention of a wandering spirit, but is ignored. He then sees a red-haired woman (apparently a Reaper) who tells him she can lead him out of this world. He introduces himself briefly as Dean and says he’s busy, then leaves. As he does, she looks horrified, recognizing the name.

Apparently, Reapers can fly again and aren’t really angels, anymore. Or something.

Sensibly, Sam lays a ring of salt around Dean’s body and holds vigil as thunder crashes. Meanwhile, the panicked Reaper is in some kind futuristic archive, calling out “Dean Winchester is in the Veil!”

Dean is following the ghost from before, but it vanishes into a wall, still ignoring him. Then he meets Sean. Sean is dead. He tells Dean what happened. The ghost appeared in his room and possessed him. He then took the mask and put it on, going back to the house. Then he took the mask off and put it back, and the ghost made him trepan himself with the drill. He says he misses his mom.

Dean apologizes. Sean says Evan is also there, but they can’t leave. Dean says he’s going to help Sean go “to a better place” and asks him where the doc put his body. Then he runs up the stairs to where Sam is trying to revive him. But it’s not working and Billie (you know, the Reaper Castiel killed last season) appears in a long coat, with a scythe. She says, “We need to talk.”

Dean asks her how she is “alive” after Castiel killed her. She says that when an “incarnation” of Death is killed, the next Reaper killed takes its place. Not sure how that works when the Winchesters were the ones who started the trend of killing Reapers, but okay. Anyhoo, she was the next Reaper killed, so she got promoted.

She then takes him to the archive (which she calls her “Reading Room”) and the archive is full of shelves with a W on them (one might even say they’re infinite). He asks if he’s dead – that is to say, if he’s permanently dead. She says that depends on him. He tries to leave, but she says she’s not giving him a choice, per se. She wants to know how he crossed over to an alternate reality. It turns out even she doesn’t know how.

Dean acts cagey and insists on a deal. His deal is to let the ghosts in the Meadows House move on. She agrees immediately and the red-haired Reaper who sounded the alarm on him appears in the house and leads all the ghosts (including Sean and Evan) to the other side. Billie says it’s done and Dean asks how he can know. She says he can’t, so he gives her what she wants to know. He tells her about Jack and the “little rip” and that yes, he and Sam went to the other reality and it sucked.

Billie explains that the entire “multiverse” they both live in is a “house of cards” that could easily be “knocked down by some big dumb Winchester.” Dean allows that “that sounds like us.”

But Billie’s not done. She says Dean’s changed. She asks why he didn’t throw being sent back into his deal. He says he figured that was already off the table and he wasn’t coming back this time (so he kinda lied to Sam back there). Billie says that no, it’s more. He’s lost his feeling invincibility, that he can win even the highest stakes. She also correctly susses out that he really wants to die (but hasn’t he for a long time now?).

Dean shrugs this off: “What do you want me to say? It doesn’t matter. *I* don’t matter.”

But he’s in for an unpleasant surprise as we finally get back to the season 11 storyline season 12 summarily dropped.

“Don’t you?” Billie says, the first shot off Dean’s bow.

It all comes pouring out. “I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I couldn’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down.”

Dean says if it’s his “time,” he’s okay with that. He’s “not gonna beg.”

Billie then points out that everything “on this shelf” is a record of how Dean dies. She doesn’t say if any of those deaths will stick, just that his “choices” determine how he goes out. Eventually. Maybe. She affably, almost cruelly, dangles the possibility that someday, he might actually die a permanent death and then informs him that none of the deaths recorded in that enormous archive says he dies right then.

Oops.

Billie says that since she got her promotion, her vistas have been expanded, as it were, and she realizes how important the Winchesters – how important *Dean* – are to the SPNverse, which does not thrill her at all, since they are humans and, well, Winchesters. Just like Chuck, she does say, “You and your brother.” But just like Chuck, there’s that little pause before “and your brother” (and the cold reality that Sam’s death has been dangled in front of Dean too many times as a motivator to indicate Sam’s importance is the same to Chuck and Death as Dean’s importance). It’s as though she knows that Dean can’t bear to hear he has to carry this load completely alone. He’s already lost too much. She then tells him that he’s got work to do, though she won’t give him any details. All she does, really, is impress on him that he is (or has somehow become) an indispensable cog in the operation of the SPNverse.

Dean says, “Hmm.” He says that a lot in this scene and each time … well … it’s an interesting reaction because it shows how he’s just taking it in and calmly assessing stuff that would put any other human in a corner, gibbering.

And then, Dean finally drops his cloak of indifference to his mother’s fate and tries to ask about her. But Billie snaps her fingers in the middle of his question and he wakes up to a very relieved Sam and a very quiet house.

The next morning, the coroner’s office brings out several dead bodies, including Sean, Evan and a bunch of skeletons. We see Sam comforting Penny and then he walks past the row of skeletons on a tarp to Dean, who is sitting on the trunk of the Impala. Dean asks out Penny is and Sam says, basically, about as you could expect. Sam then asks Dean about his spirit trip and why he came back after the drug didn’t work. Then he asks about the ghosts, which are all gone. Dean tries to duck it for “another time,” but Sam points out these generally don’t happen (this is not entirely fair, since Dean has opened up later on in the past, but Sam does deserve an explanation this instance, I think, and sooner than later).

So, Dean tells Sam he saw Death, who is now Billie, and that she sent him back because “we’re important” and “we have work to do.” He admits he has no idea what that means.

Sam then asks him if he’s okay. Dean decides to be honest. “No, Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay.” He admits that he’s losing faith in the Family Business, that the recent losses have become too much. “I just need a win. I just need a damned win.”

They get in the car and drive away as we get a montage of bodies coming out and Penny seeing her son one final time and weeping, to Dean driving as the Impala goes through a field of grain and Sam sleeps, and to Billie opening a book in Dean’s huge archive. Goodness, is that Steppenwolf? Why, yes, it is. “It’s Never Too Late.”

Oh, but there’s a coda, people.

In the car, Dean gets a call as Sam wakes up. Dean is so shocked that he’s speechless. We switch to the Impala coming down a city street, still at night, past a storefront church with a neon-blue cross, Steppenwolf still on the soundtrack. As the car stops and the Brothers get out, Dean looks shocked, almost shell-shocked, as someone by a payphone turns around. It’s Castiel, looking bewildered and then starting to smile as he sees Dean.

Credits.


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The Official “The Big Empty” (13.04) Live Recap Thread

Standard recap of the season so far, including Jack and a quick cut of the MOTW from “Nightshifter.” Gee, I wonder what the MOTW will be this week?

Cut to Now in Madison, Wisconsin, where a man is entering his house and turning on lights. A woman is waiting for him. She says hi and he says she’s dead. She approaches him, says she missed him, and then stabs him to death before walking out.

Cue title cards.

In the Bunker, Sam is back from a food run and Dean is doing research. Dean grunts when Sam ask him how he’s doing. Dean has found the case of DTG (who was murdered by his dead wife), but is hesitant to take Sam along and leave Jack. Sam suggest they take Jack along. My response is identical to Dean’s: “Oh hell, no.”

Dean figures that as long as Jack is at the Bunker with them, he’s not out on the loose doing something awful. Which is actually a good point. Sam doesn’t like it, though, and Dean points out that maybe Sam’s just mad because his plan to use Jack to rescue Mom isn’t going so well. Sam then not only crosses that line, but swandives over it by asking if Dean is okay with the idea of their mother dead.

The look Dean gives Sam could blister paint. In the Antarctic.

Anyhoo, Sam ends up going to ask Jack if he wants to come along. Jack at first says no, correctly citing Dean’s reference to him the previous episode as “an interdimensional can opener” as a sign that Sam is “using” him. Sam then turns this around by appealing to Jack’s grief over his mother by talking about how Mary is trapped on the other side of the rift Jack created and saying that no, really, he still cares about Jack, and he won’t let Dean hurt Jack, especially if Jack shows himself making an effort to be good and win Dean over. Jack naively buys the Puppy Dog Eyes o’ Doom hook, line and sinker. But it’s still pretty cold.

In the car, in their FBI suits, the Brothers are getting ready to interview a witness to the killing and explaining about ghosts and revenants to Jack. Of course, the recap has already pretty much spoiled which MOTW it is, but hey, let’s just roll with it.

Sam tells Jack to check out the crime scene while Dean tells Jack to stay in the car. Jack checks out the crime scene, but he’s got nothing. The Brothers also get nothing when the EMF shows no reading on it. Dean says that means a revenant, but when they dig up the wife’s grave (Dean has Jack dig the hole while he has a beer; Sam has issues with this for some reason and compares Dean to John), they find an intact body, very dead. So, they burn the remains, explaining to Jack that his mother can’t come back because they burned her bones, and go to Plan B.

Meanwhile, somewhere on a dark and empty soundstage, Castiel is wandering around, confused.

He’s also being stalked by something dark and oily.

That night, a middle-aged woman gets a flat tire and calls in for help. Then she sees her son in the backseat. He eats her. At the crime scene the next morning, the Brothers are confused. Dean sends Jack on a food run. Sam complains that Jack isn’t their “intern.” Make up your mind, Sam. Either you want Jack to prove himself to Dean in some way, or you don’t.

As Jack returns with food, and confusion over how human interactions work, the Brothers discuss a connection between the victims – both of them were seeing a therapist who may or may not be a genuine medium. Dean snarks about psychiatrists. Considering his previous very-negative experiences with them, this is fairly understandable. But it still doesn’t mean he’s not the one on TFW most desperately in need of therapy right now.

Dean points out that patient confidentiality means they can’t go in as FBI, but he really hates Sam’s idea for all three of them to go in as patients. They meet an odd dude on the steps going in (whom Dean and Sam ignore, but Jack cheerily greets) and an officious assistant inside. Dean is pushy about wanting to see the therapist today. She then comes downstairs and introduces herself as Mia Vallens and asks if they have a recent bereavement. Jack says his mother just died. Sam says it’s their mother and they’re all brothers (you know, as if the idea of Jack as the kid brother character weren’t already obvious).

She invites them in and immediately clues in that Dean is hostile to therapy. Sam snarks at Dean about it, saying he’s not dealing well with his grief, and Dean gets hostile. He says that he’s dealing just fine, seeing as how he’s actually acknowledging their mother is dead, while Sam is in denial.

Sam gets angry and yells at Dean that at least Dean “had a relationship” with Mary, that she was always calling him. And then he storms out of the room.

This was a head-scratcher for me, since Sam was the one last season insistent on giving Mary space and telling Dean to leave her alone, then asking Dean how she was doing instead of texting her himself. Mary was very distant at first and Dean had to put in a lot of work to make that relationship continue, work Sam chose (for various reasons, some good, some not so good) not to do and tried to discourage Dean from doing. So, it seems a bit odd to get mad at Dean now about it.

Anyhoo, Sam storms out, gets some water, and spots a stairway to an upper story that has a privacy sign on it. Which, being a Winchester, Sam naturally doesn’t respect. He totally goes up there.

Sam immediately hits paydirt with blood on the pristine banisters and the shower curtain in a bathroom. He also finds shapeshifter goo in the tub. Oops.

Back in the exam room, as Dean openly drinks booze in front of her from his flask, Dr. Vallens has Dean’s number, pointing out that he just drove one brother out of the room and the other (Jack) is terrified of him. She says that if Dean wants to hold onto his anger, that’s okay, but he’s using it against everyone else.

At that moment, Sam bursts in and belts out that she’s a shapeshifter. Dean also draws down on her and they accuse her of killing her patients, while a confused Jack looks on (Jack’s confused a lot in this episode). Dr. Vallens insists she’s never killed anybody (though she is a ‘shifter). Her therapy involves shifting into the form of a dead loved one who died suddenly so grieving people can find closure, and that’s it. She’s very surprised to hear that two of hers are dead. She knows the Brothers are Hunters (duh) and insists she has an alibi. And it checks out.

Meanwhile, Castiel calls out his stalker, who turns out to be some entity that rules the Empty (where Castiel is). Except the Empty is “nothing” as Castiel says, the nothing that existed before God and Amara even existed. Yeah, whatever. It doesn’t hold together if you think about it very hard. Anyhoo, said entity (which looks just like Castiel) isn’t thrilled that Castiel woke him up, since none of the other angels and demons who died and came there for an eternal sleep ever did, and he hates being awake. So, he tortures Castiel to find out what’s going on.

He also brags that even God has no pull in the Empty. We know for a fact that’s not true, since God has brought Castiel back from the d-e-a-d more than once, as well as saying he could conceivably reconstruct even the archangels given enough time. Yay for LOL!canon.

The Brothers question Dr. Vallens about who could be killing her patients. She says she used to be with another shifter, named Buddy, who liked to hurt people, “ruin their lives,” and then kill them. She bailed, but he may have found her and stalked her. Patients and staff are in and out of her house all the time, so anyone could have seen her files (HIPAA violations! HIPAA violations everywhere!). She suggests maybe her assistant for a suspect. Poor guy. Dean goes to check him out. Jack volunteers to come along, to Dean’s displeasure.

At the place, Dean tells him to “stay in the car.” Jack says he wants to help, that Sam told him about his “plan to save your mother.” Dean straight-shoots that “Sam’s plans don’t always work out.”

It turns out the assistant isn’t the shifter, just a dude with several cats.

Sam has a conversation about closure and her method with Dr. Vallens (I am pretty sure this is the same actress as the one who played the doomed fake psychic in “The Mentalists.” I liked her) while he scrolls through her CCTV footage. Eventually, he finds one with the flashing eyes of a shifter. It is, of course, the weird guy who greeted the Brothers and Jack when they first came in, a guy named Driscoll. Dr. Vallens says he’s only been seeing her for a few weeks.

Meanwhile, Castiel’s Empty half is complaining that Castiel won’t let him sleep. Castiel suggests the entity send him back so that he can help Sam and Dean. Instead, the entity shows him the worst hits and sins of his life.

Sam decides to check out the shifter himself (at no time does anybody make any attempt to check whom they are really speaking with). Dr. Vallens tells Dean and Jack when they get back. Jack asks to talk to her and tells her about his mother. She takes the form of Kelly (God, are we ever going to be free of that insipid character?) and hugs Jack. He says he’s afraid because he wants to believe Sam and his mother that he’s good, but most of the time, he doesn’t feel any emotions at all. “Kelly” tells him that what matters is what he does, not what he is. Bang that on-the-nose dialogue home, Show.

Meanwhile, Dean is calling Sam and eventually Sam calls back, saying he found the real Driscoll and he’s dead. But it wasn’t actually Dean who took the call. Dean is unconscious on the floor. It’s the shifter. It knocks Jack out (Jensen Ackles had fun with that) and then rips its own face off to reveal Driscoll!shifter.

Back in the Empty, the entity is beating on Castiel, trying to get him to go back to “sleep” rather than return to the world and back to being a “disappointment.”

Castiel takes the beating, but tells the entity it can’t make him sleep. He’ll fight and they’ll both go insane, or the entity can send him back.

Back in the world, Dean wakes up only after he’s chained to the mantle. The shifter wants Vallens to kill them, but she refuses. Dean gets knocked out trying to warn Sam (after encouraging Jack to use his powers to snap the cuffs), but the shifter uses Sam’s voice to lure him in and like an idiot, Sam walks right into the trap.

Jack panics and throws the shifter into a wall. Sam then shoots the off-kilter shifter. What is it with these easy kills for Sam? I totally get that Jared Padalecki is tired of getting injured doing stunts (he’s had some doozies over the years). Who can blame him? But that doesn’t mean the way they’re just handing kills to Sam these days is fun to watch.

Later, Dr. Vallens tells the Brothers and Jack that she will take care of things with Driscoll. Apparently, that will ruin her career. It’s not too clear what consequences she’s taking on besides saying she killed him.

Back at the Bunker, Dean visits Jack in the kitchen and tells him, “You did good today, Jack,” then leaves. Jack smiles to himself, this time not so creepily.

Dean also hands Sam a beer and apologizes for provoking Sam at the doctor’s office. He admits that Jack may be more useful than he previously wanted to believe. Sam, as usual, flips and plays Devil’s Advocate – what if Mary is actually dead? What if he’s in denial. Dean says that Sam needs to “keep the faith” for them both, since he can’t right now.

Meanwhile, Castiel wakes up in a field. Or is it Castiel and not the entity? Who even freakin’ knows, anymore?

Credits.

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The Official “Patience” (13.03) Live Recap Thread


Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.

This is, by the way, the first of the backdoor pilot episodes for the projected spin-off, intended to introduce the title character.

Standard recap of the season so far, as well of Wraiths. Pretty Jack-heavy and includes a brief bit about Sam’s demon-blood drinking. Nothing particularly exciting and no rock songs used.

Cut to Now in Omaha, NE. A young blonde woman is dusting a photo of her with Missouri and closing up shop for the night. She’s a professional psychic. The door opens and a man comes in. She starts to tell him she’s closed, but agrees to do one last job for the evening. I’m sure this will end well.

She does some Tarot cards and answers his questions about her being a “psychic counselor.” She says she reads “energies, auras.” He asks her to read his and realizes he’s a Wraith. He stabs her in the hand and then eats her brain while looking sexual aroused. Yup.

Cue title cards.

At the Bunker, cue the sneak peek as Dean is listening to the Rolling Stones’ “Rip This Joint” through headphones while drinking a lot of beer. In his room, Jack gets a knock on the door from Sam, who has a boring, insipid video message of emotional support from beyond the grave (since Jack killed her being born) from Saint Kelly on a thumb drive (product placement, much?). As this plays, Sam gets a call from Missouri Moseley from season one’s “Home.” She’s at the scene of Doomed Teaser Psychic’s shop and is asking for help while apologizing for “being a stranger.”

Sam gets off the phone and tells Dean who it was. He says Missouri told him she’d got out of the Life for a while, but had been pulled back in by a case and that he put Jody on it because they need to stay at the Bunker and help Jack hone his powers, so he can open the rift again to rescue Mary–sorry, be all that he can be. Dean calls Sam right out on his false compassion for Jack and says he “didn’t sign up for” babysitting the baby “Antichrist,” nor is he thrilled that Sam is putting Jody in potential danger like that. So, off he goes to help her with the Hunt.

Gotta say, I’m with Dean on this one.

So, in broad daylight the next day (it was night when Missouri called Sam), Jody is talking a policeman for Missouri when Dean drives up. Missouri explains to Jody that the DTP, named Dede, was her “protegee” and about the closest thing she currently has to family. When Dean arrives, he hugs Missouri first and Missouri gives condolences on his losses. There is zero reference to the fact that she was a complete bitch to him the last time they met.

Inside the house, Dean and Missouri both suspect the killer was a Wraith and Missouri gets from a series of images by feeling objects that it is indeed a Wraith, who feeds on psychics for some reason, and then an image of an African American man named James. Dean tells Jody that Missouri’s thing was sensing from objects, except that her thing was actually telepathy. Psychic blanket BS Powers Syndrome strike again.

Cut to Jack and Sam talking about…uh…stuff. Sam wants to train him to do stuff (Sam doesn’t mention his totally mercenary motive to rescue Mary). First, he has Jack move a pencil. Except Jack can’t seem to do stuff on cue.

Cut to Missouri having an awkward phone conversation with James, who doesn’t believe in her visions. He hangs up on her. She comes out and tells Dean and Jody to go save James (who is her son) and her granddaughter Patience. She’s going to stay behind because she’d just “complicated things.” When Dean protests that this is a bad idea, Missouri reverts to full-on bitch mode and he just says, “Yes, ma’am.” [grrrr] She thanks him, but the damage is done. I am so over this character, who is obviously about to get a cameo kill-off along the lines of Sarah from “Provenance.”

Jody, to her credit, notices the awkwardness.

Back to Jack, who is mentally wrestling with that pencil. Sam tries to coach him through it by asking him how it felt. Jack that stuff just happens, except with Asmodeus, who was “in my head.” Jack gets upset and says he can’t do it with Sam staring at him. Sam says they’ll take a break and he’s off to get some food.

At DTP’s place, Missouri is waiting for the Wraith, who has come back to the scene of the crime for no logical reason given in the story. She tells him she’s seen the future (again, Show, Missouri didn’t previously have precog powers. If she had, she’d have been of much more use in “Home”) and that she dies, no matter what. She’s not going to give him the satisfaction of screaming, but she is certain her “people” will kill him. Well, he’s been pretty stupid so far, so that shouldn’t be too hard.

At a school, Patience is getting lured into playing volleyball by a friend because she has amazing reflexes. Or something. Her friend leaves and the lights fritz. She finds bloody footprints and then her dead grandmother saying her name. She’s attacked from behind and then wakes up from a dream. As she comes out into the office, she talks to her father about her dream. He insists it was just that, but as she leaves, he looks thoughtful.

So, James is actually even more obnoxious than Missouri. Yay.

As he’s buying a freakin’ bar’s worth of beer at a convenience store, Dean sees a TV news story about Missouri’s death. Out at the pumps, he tells Jody and regrets not staying to protect Missouri. Jody asks if they should go back, but Dean says Missouri asked them to go protect her family and that’s what they’ll do.

At James’ home, they get a predictably cold reception from him until they get across to him that yep, his mother is really dead and yep, the cause was supernatural. Jody then rather forcibly insists James pull his head out his ass about the realization that he is indeed the putz who hung up on his mother right before he died. They don’t have time for that.

They really don’t have time for that since here’s Patience at school, experiencing deja vu from her dream. Confused, Patience goes back to her locker, but when she shuts the door, there’s the Wraith. I actually don’t mind Patience, and the actress seems pleasant so far, but boy, does she not look at all young enough to be in high school. That’s a bit distracting.

Anyhoo, the Wraith gets all MRA creepy with Patience, but she has a bit of spunk. She kicks him in the nuts (do Wraiths have nuts?) and the breaks off his stinger/sucker/needle. He tackles her and says it grows back, but gets shot from behind by Dean. He runs as Dean runs after him, blocks the door, and then tries to run Dean down in a Pedo Van after Dean chases him out into the parking lot.

Back inside, Dean and Jody have a talk with Patience. As with her father, they bruskly break through her denial about being a psychic and tell her her estranged grandmother, who allegedly abandoned her and her father after her mother died, is dead.

At the Bunker, Sam is watching Jack through a spy camera and reading up on baby books. Because that’s totally not creepy, or anything. Jack appears to disappear, but he’s just hiding in a corner. He says maybe his powers don’t work because they’re evil and he’s evil, because Dean said so. Jack says his mother said he could be good, but realizes she’s dead because of him and he’s already done evil. And he can’t do a simple “good” thing like push a pencil.

Sam gives him a pep talk that sounds pretty damned insincere, considering all he really wants is for Jack to help him break Mary out of the alt-verse. Though Sam does at least admit that he’s pushing Jack too hard and they should stop for a while. Jack thinks that’s a great plan. Jack asks Sam why Sam is being so “nice” to him and not only does Sam not mention his very mercenary motive, he also does the same damned thing he’s been doing for 13 years and makes it all about himself, his own conflicts, his own issues. He says he’s empathizing with Jack, but that’s never been true before, so….

Back on the Wraith Hunt, Patience is confronting her father. It turns out he lied–a bit–about Missouri cutting them out of her life. Turns out it was the other way round. He talks about always being on the road, Hunting, as a child, except that 13 years ago, Missouri lived in a house, Show. Can’t these writers do a little damned research on show canon before writing these episodes?

Anyhoo, Jody and Dean once again cut to the chase and inform him that Patience is also psychic, which she confirms. The Wraith is now after her. James tells her to go upstairs and pack (because her being alone right now is SUCH A GOOD IDEA). Upstairs, Patience holds a broach and has a memory/vision of Missouri giving it to her at her mother’s gravesite after Daddy gave his mom the boot. Then she starts to pack, opens the closet door, and gets kidnapped by the Wraith. Of course. [facepalm]

Jody makes calls while Dean checks traffic cams for the Pedo Van. Meanwhile, James is going through his mother’s photos and things. He has a bag of something he calls “lithomantic gems.” It turns out James was able to do magic, too, which makes him look like even more of a dick.

Patience wakes up tied to a chair in a room. The Wraith comes in and creeps all over her. He started off on mental patients and accidentally happened across a real psychic. They give him a rush, make him “clear” or whatever. He’s going to take his time eating Patience because her grandmother tasted so darned good. Ugh.

Suddenly, Dean, her father, and Jody come in and the Wraith flees. But then James gets killed, then Jody, and finally Dean. Unsurprisingly, it’s a vision. Also, it’s total bullshit in light of the skills and abilities of the other three. Things start to pan out as before, but Patience is able to warn them so the first two just get knocked out. Her warning to Dean, though, works. After a longish fight, Dean kills the Wraith.

Afterward, Patience finally admits she’s psychic.

Afterward, Jody compliments Dean on the Wraith kill, while Dean compliments Patience (for the second time) on her help. Patience also thanks Dean and Jody. Patience talks about going back to school. Her father wants her to deny her gift (because that’s worked out well so far). Dean backs up James, pointing out that becoming a Hunter is a “horrible” and lonely life, full of pain, with no “joy.” Well, he should know. Jody, on the other hand, suggests that Patience might want to pursue her gift. Jody tried to get Claire to avoid Hunting, too, and it didn’t work out so well. She gives Patience her card. Dean doesn’t look thrilled, but he doesn’t object, either.

Back at the Bunker, Sam says he heard about Missouri and they have it out about Jack. Sam does yet another blame-Dean speech, saying that Dean didn’t think Sam was not worth saving when he was drinking demon blood. Dean soft-pedals around the part where Sam, while high on said blood, beat him half to death–twice–but gets right in Sam’s face about Sam’s hypocrisy in encouraging Jack so Jack can “save” Mary and brings up Jack’s brainwashing Castiel while still in the womb.

Jack is listening to the whole thing. Dean’s words precipitate a vision of Castiel lying on the ground someplace dark and cold. When Jack whispers Castiel’s name, Castiel hears him and wakes up.

Credits.

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The Official “The Rising Son” (13.02) Live Recap Thread


Little late again. Anyhoo, let’s get started.

The recap has me snorting in laughter right off. The recap starts with Ramiel (remember him? I had to look up his name, he was that forgettable) spouting off about how crossing the YEDs is BAD and they will come after you. Sure, except that three out of four of them are now toast thanks to TFW, so not exactly shaking in my sneaks, Show.

The recap also tells us (again) that the Brothers have lost a lot of people in the past couple of episodes (Crowley is not shown or mentioned) and we get Dean’s insistence again that he will eventually have to kill Jack. Considering Jack is a bunch of cheap walking plot cheats, Dean’s absolutely right.

Cut to Now and two demons in Crowley’s throne room. One of them is a Lucifer loyalist (I believe I’ve mentioned before that demons are stupid) who is convinced the Lord of Hell will return and “bring us out of chaos.” Suddenly, exit door bursts open in a flash of light and in walks Colonel Sanders–sorry, Asmodeus, the last surviving YED. You see, the show kept a spare for our sins.

Asmodeus introduces himself by sparing the loyalist and two other demons, then burning the others in their hosts. He intends to rule until Lucifer “and his son” return.

Cut to a car chat between the Brothers, with Jack asleep in the backseat. Sam wants to drive (because Dean has been driving all night) and also to talk about their losses/lick their wounds one more friggin’ time. If I were Dean, I’d pull over just to slap him.

Sam also wants to talk about what to do with Jack. Dean says if they knew how to kill Jack, he’d be dead, already, and that’s still the plan. Dean points out to Sam that alliances with bad people and giving bad people the benefit of the doubt have never worked out for them. Dean doesn’t add that Sam’s judgement flat-out sucks in this area. I mean, Sam is so self-centered that he actually thinks opening up the rift again to find Mary is a good idea.

Meanwhile, Lucifer and Mary are trying to find a way out in a dead world. Lucifer is monologuing to Mary that he intends to trade her for her sons when they get back to SPNverse Prime. Mary points out that Lucifer doesn’t have the first clue about raising a child, which makes Lucifer snippy. But before they can bicker some more, a fireball blasts into the hillside next to them and Mary disappears.

Meanwhile, in Crowley’s Throne Room, the loyalist is reporting that both Lucifer and Jack have disappeared, and taking notes. Asmodeus is philosophical about the first thing, rather more annoyed about the second. After smacking the loyalist around a bit for being presumptuous and pedantic, he explains how he got the scars on his face (demons have never manifested scars on their host before, but this is a Nepotism Duo episode, so it’s Ignore All Canon And Make Stuff Up Time). He then monologues some more (another boring Nep Duo specialty) about how he got them. He wanted to please Lucifer, so he freed some demons called the Shedim in order to train them. Lucifer was afraid of the Shedim, so he locked them back up and scarred Asmodeus. And that’s how you fail the Lord of Hell.

At a hotel, Dean is grumping that they should still be on the road. Sam points out that Dean was hallucinating about sheep. In the room, Jack starts to watch Scooby-Doo (obvious product placement foreshadowing is obvious). Dean sends him to the couch and gives him a Bible to read. Sam offers to let Jack sleep on a bed, but Jack says it’s okay. He starts reading the Bible.

Later, as they eat and Sam wards the room, Jack eats like … well … Dean and copies everything he does (which irritates Dean). Mind you, Jack doesn’t copy Sam at all.

Jack asks about Lucifer in the Bible (Lucifer is actually a very different thing in the Bible than he is post-biblically and is not Satan). The Brothers sort of fill him in and Jack says that hey, he’s God’s grandson (honey, everything in Creation is God’s children, so don’t get so excited).

Man, there is a lot of yakking in this episode.

They hear a noise at the door. The Brothers pull their weapons and Dean drags the intruder through the door. It’s Donatello. Remember him? He was a Prophet in season 11 and Amara ate his soul. He explains this to the Brothers and that he solves moral dilemmas by asking “What would Mister Rogers do?” And it appears that with God gone–again–he’s retired. Except that God was gone for a long time before he returned, so that makes no sense.

Anyhoo, he sensed Jack’s birth and followed him. The Brothers make introductions back and forth. And they get Jack tatted up and Dean points out to Sam that he’s fixated on the kid a bit too much. Meanwhile, Jack zaps the tattoo artist when he’s startled by the pain.

It’s no use. The tattoos just disappear. And afterward, they’re being watched by a possessed homeless woman.

Jack gets upset during the ensuing dull debate over Nature vs Nurture and teleports. So, that answers Dean’s previous question about that ability. Jack pretty much sprouts abilities as the writers feel like it, which is not a good sign for this character’s longevity.

Sam goes and talks to Jack. Meanwhile, Dean is talking to a sketchy barmaid with daddy issues. Probably possessed. Ah, nope. The real barmaid is dead with her throat cut behind the bar and it’s Asmodeus in disguise. Or something. While this power has been shown before (in Ben Edlund’s “The Mentalist”), it has only appeared once, presumably because it’s hard to write around how the Brothers can compete with a shapeshifting demon that can also teleport.

Also, the death count of female extras vs male extras is rather lopsided this episode. Another Nep Duo kinda thing.

Wow, we’re only halfway through? Ugh. This episode is endless.

The next morning, Sam and Donatello have a conversation about Jack and whether or not he can be Good. Sam insists that Kelly was a saint and that Jack has only the vaguest idea about baby daddy Lucifer, so Jack can be Good.

I have to say I am completely over the way the show tries to handwave its over-the-top and well-telegraphed fridging of her by posthumously whitewashing Kelly. Kelly was no saint. She was originally a high-powered White House staffer who was also using her position to engage in a sexual affair with her boss on the downlow. When she found out she was pregnant with the Devil’s child, she ran away and later tried to commit suicide, while pregnant. The Kelly who revived was, at best, brainwashed by her son and at worst just a resurrected womb. She was a deeply flawed woman who ended up in the situation she did in part through her own choices (which did not include intentionally getting knocked up by Satan). I don’t think she deserved what happened to her, but I also think it’s pretty gross how the show keeps banging away at her “heroic” sacrificial choice to die birthing her son when by that point she literally had no choice left in the matter. As soon as conception occurred, she was a dead woman walking. That is a nasty message to send to women. Stop it, show! Bad show! [bops showrunners on the nose with a virtual newspaper]

Back to Mary, who encounters a gun-toting Hunter. After he establishes she’s not an angel or demon, he tells her there are very few women left and even fewer female Hunters. Then he gets all creepy on her. She fights back. He knocks her down and goes to shoot her, but Lucifer puts a fist through his back. Yes, that’s right. The show set that up just so Lucifer could save her life.

Mary is not appropriately grateful, so Lucifer tortures her a bit.

Hard to believe this episode was co-written by a woman. It is all kinds of bad-touching with the female characters for no good reason. But what am I saying? We’re talking about Buck-Leming here.

Back at the hotel, Sam ONCE AGAIN tries to force a conversation with Dean over their recent losses. I get the show thinks this makes Sam look compassionate, but all I can think is that all this terrible shared trauma that Dean is supposed to open up about seems awfully academic to Sam. Remember “Everybody Loves a Clown” when Dean called Sam out on that? Yeah. Better writers that time.

Then Donatello walks in with breakfast and doesn’t know what Sam is talking about with that earlier conversation about Nature vs Nurture. Seems Asmodeus stole Jack right out from under Sam’s nose. I legit laughed at Sam for that.

So, Dean goes into a room and encounters a demon. He gets his ass kicked and Sam stabs the demon from behind.

GODDAMNIT, SHOW, CAN’T YOU LET DEAN HAVE EVEN ONE KILL, THESE DAYS?

In the hallway, Donatello, who can track Jack, gets attacked (see what I did there?) by a demon. Dean takes out said demon with a thrown angel blade. Still pretty salty about the show handing Sam Dean’s kills on a platter after Dean gets tossed around the room, though.

Out standing in some random field, Jack is being exhorted by fake Donatello to open up a hole to Hell and let something out. In the car on their way to stop him, Sam looks in John’s journal and discovers a reference to a Hell gate that opens up to terrible, unnameable creatures (i.e., the Shedim). Except that the Brothers have that journal memorized at this point and ought to have been aware of that passage, as well as the significance of being near Jasper, WY. Big fail, Show.

Jumping back to Mary and Lucifer (too many friggin’ storylines in this one), with Lucifer whinging some more about Mary’s failure to respect his authority. I don’t understand why Lucifer is just walking around with Mary tagging along when he could just pick her up and fly wherever he needed to go in nanoseconds. That’s lame.

Anyhoo, some angels show up. Inexplicably, they are wearing military fatigues because…well, they just are. They demand that Lucifer identify himself. He kills them and then another angel shows up. Lucifer doesn’t recognize him at first, but it turns out to be Michael. This is ridiculous. Angels can see each other’s true forms inside their vessels, just as demons can see each other’s true faces inside their hosts. That’s just dumb. Hell, the entire storyline involving the Nephilim includes angels being able to sense archangels from a goodly distance away.

Alt-Michael monologues a bit and has a conversation of sorts with Lucifer. Then they, uh, fist-fight (no, I am not kidding; there are actual fisticuffs) and Lucifer gets his ass kicked. But alt-Michael decides to spare Lucifer because he needs him for some reason. We are not told what because that would actually involve plot resolution.

Anyhoo, the Impala finally arrives where Jack is being snookered into allowing out creepy orange-arm creatures with black claws (that’s all we see of them). Asmodeus has to reveal himself when Dean shoots him and chokes out TFW. This cause Jack to go after him, so Asmodeus flees. I think.

Later, back at the Bunker, Sam tries, for the umpteenth time, to tell Dean that Jack can be Good because he “came through for us today.” Dean responds that it was just a reflex and goes to bed. On the way, he encounters Jack, who is passing the time stabbing himself, to no avail. Dean takes the knife from him. Jack worries he doesn’t have his powers under control and that “I will hurt someone.”

Dean’s cold comfort is that if Jack does lose control and have to be killed, “I will be the one to do it.”

Credits.

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The Official “Lost and Found” (13.01 – Season Premiere) Live Recap Thread


Sorry, guys! Starting a little late. I had to do some chores ’cause I’m getting up early tomorrow for work.

Anyhoo, recap of season 12 to Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” that shows how poor season 12 was. Not the first time they’ve tried to hide terrible writing with an expensive song.

Cut to Now. Sam confronts Jack, who has glowing eyes and calls Sam “Father?” Sam, like a moron, says he’s not Jack’s father.

Cut to Dean kneeling beside Castiel, then getting up to go in the house and kill Jack. The shot doesn’t hurt Jack, who then responds with some showy sound FX and throws them into the wall. Expect that not to get repeated much. It looks really expensive.

Cue title cards, which are a glowing, Sauron-like eye.

Flashback to Mary attacking Lucifer, which segues into Mary burning on the ceiling in the Pilot. Dean wakes up (it’s a dream). He and Sam were knocked out until dawn. Dean storms out of the house, asking if Jack has wings. Sam says he doesn’t know.

Cut to Jack walking around naked and then two losers at a fish fry restaurant seeing him outside, naked, asking for his “Father.” They call the one slacker dude’s mom, who is a cop.

In the car, the Brothers argue over what to do with Jack. Dean is all about the holy oil and “hitting him with everything we got.” Sam is all about understanding him and figuring out if he’s EVOL or not. ‘Cause Sam was all about being understanding when the Darkness got unleashed–oh, wait. Sam does ask about whether Castiel really is dead, too. “You know he is,” Dean retorts.

Meanwhile, the Sheriff of North Cove (AKA Slacker’s Mom) is meeting Jack. She introduces herself as Christine Barker and says she’s “just here to help.” Jack smiles a very-much-not-nice smile.

Castiel’s body has been retrieved in record time and put on a table under a sheet in the cabin by two angels, one PoC male who is angry and obnoxious and “racist” about Kelly’s body, and one blonde female who claims to feel sorry for Castiel. Stay classy, show.

Cut to the police station, where Jack is one step away from a psych eval. He’s got clothes, now. Very unimpressed by him, so far. He’s basically a walking plot point.

The Sheriff asks him some questions that go rather poorly, while Slacker watches, mocking. Jack says Kelly is “in Heaven” (rather doubt that, dude) and is looking for his father.

Jack starts talking about “the bad woman” (Dagon) burning and “the universe screamed.” I’m glancing at the clock because damn, this is dull so far. Let’s get back to the Brothers, please, Show.

When she goes to check his fingerprints, Slacker asks him “how high are you?” Jack doesn’t understand his question. And realizes he is hungry.

Meanwhile, I’m discovering the exciting world of drying paint.

Back to Sam and Dean, pulling up (so coincidentally) to the fish fry joint where Jack appeared. Sam wants to go eat something. Dean wants to call Jody and get her to put out an APB on Jack. It’s a topsy-turvy world when Sam wants to eat fried food and Dean wants to work.

Inside, the other Slacker is dealing with an annoying drunk customer. Sam asks the guy if he saw anyone naked wandering around the guy says that why, yes, he did. Sam makes a call to the Sheriff, impersonating an officer, and she is shocked by Jack’s blank slate of fingerprints.

Outside the Pirate fish fry, Dean is walking back to the car with bloody knuckles when he’s accosted by Annoying Drunk Girl who was inside when Sam went in (dear God, woman, GO AWAY). She notices his bloody knuckles, but not that he is retrieving a flask of booze for a drink and to dump on his knuckles. She tells an annoying story about a college roommate called “Becky” (apparently, not Becky Rosen), while Dean coldly eyes her up over the roof of the Impala. Sam comes out why she’s still going on. Sam brings Dean up to speed and they leave while she smirks. Maybe she’s a demon. I don’t and don’t care. Hope she’s Monster Chow soon.

In the station, the lights start fritzing badly and the Sheriff can’t find anyone. Pulling out her gun, she enters the Locker Room, from whence comes creepy laughter. Inside, though, it’s just her son and Jack, eating food from the food dispenser. Jack is discovering nougat. Or something. The light-fritzing turns out to be Jack making the food dispenser operate with his mind. Then he hears angel voices. When the Sheriff tries to stop him leaving, he accidentally shoves her into the machine and bails.

As lights explode, he gets to the squad room and sees Dean, but gets Tased by Sam. The Sheriff, who was unconscious just a moment before, comes into the room, gun drawn, looking fine. Nice lack of continuity, there, Dabb.

I miss when this show didn’t bore me.

So, we need a third act, I guess, so Sam is tossed into a cell, while the Sheriff interrogates Dean. Dean tells her what’s up, the Family Business. Rather than get pissy, the Sheriff asks Dean what Jack is. Dean says he’s a Nephilim.

In the jail cell, Sam talks to Jack, who tells him about hearing the angel voices. Jack asks Sam to tell “them” that he’s “sorry.” Whatever, show.

Sam asks Jack how he knows English. Jack says he talked to her, “I *was* her.” (very much not reassuring). Sam then asks Jack how he got his powers and if he remembers opening the door to the other world. Jack doesn’t know. He says he has to find his father, that his father will protect him.

Sam says that Lucifer doesn’t protect people. Jack says no, his mom said that Castiel would protect him. Sam tells Jack that Castiel is dead.

Outside, Slacker is lighting a cigarette. He’s confronted by Annoying Drunk Girl and the two angels. So, is she an angel, or is she in league with them?

Inside, Dean is releasing Sam, saying the Sheriff believes them. Then they hear Slacker outside scream. As they and the Sheriff come out into the squad room, they see Annoying Drunk Girl with an angel blade to Slacker’s throat.

The Sheriff starts to raise her gun, but Dean warns her not to. Annoying Drunk Girl Angel/Demon wants the Sheriff to shoot Dean to let her son go. Sam is still in the cell.

But it’s mostly a distraction so the other two angels and come in and attack Sam and Jack. ADGA stabs Slacker, pretty much just for kicks, as soon as she hears they’re in. Sam gets his ass kicked and the other two angels take Jack as Dean gets the drop on ADGA. He interrogates her and she smacks him in the head then enters the cell. Sam has blasted the other two angels away with a sigil that almost blasts Jack away, too. She stabs Jack, and gets stabbed by Sam, but only Jack survives. So, that happened.

Outside, the Sheriff goes off with her son in the ambulance, while the Brothers have a talk about Jack. Dean agrees with Sam’s plan to bring Jack back to the Bunker, to minimize the damage and find a way to kill Jack.

Dean chooses to burn Castiel’s body. Sam says maybe they can ask Chuck. Dean says he already tried. That’s why his knuckles are bloody. He prayed to Chuck to bring all of them back and then smacked a restroom wall (repeatedly), and cried, when Chuck failed to answer.

Not sure why the show has decided to forget all about Amara. She might answer Dean’s prayer.

Anyhoo, Dean is now going to burn Castiel and nobody is stopping him: “God’s not listening. He doesn’t give a damn.”

Oh, they also burn Kelly, by the way. Let’s not speak of that drippy, nothingburger character again, Show.

Dean has a moment alone with Castiel to cry over him. Later, Sam talks Jack through a Hunter’s funeral. Dean says goodbye to them all, including Mary. Sam says she may not be dead, but Dean refuses to entertain what he sees as false hope.

Boring music for this. Not very Supernatural.

Over in Alt-Verse, Mary is getting stalked and chased by Lucifer, who is playing with his food. Mary says what, is Lucifer going to kill her now? Lucifer says maybe or maybe not. Maybe he needs her. Whatever, Lucie.

Credits.

Okeydoke, that’s it for tonight. Not the greatest of episodes. Pretty much pointless aside from Dean’s cold, hard turn at grieving.

Expect my review by Sunday night.

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The Official “Who We Are/All Along the Watchtower” (12.22-12.23 – Season Finale) Live Recap Thread


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Recap of recent events and a mention of Walt and Roy.

Cut to Now, with Mary killing her way through a list of people to get to Jody.

In the Bunker, Dean suggests murdering the Twat to save air. I’m all for it, but she claims she’s the only one who can undo Mary’s deus ex machina conditioning. They then try searching through the lore (on Sam’s suggestion) and Sam finds a spell that requires virgin’s blood (they have to purify their blood, since no one is a virgin), but it doesn’t work because Ketch put a dampening spell on the Bunker.

On the second day, Dean suggests breaking out, but the walls are too strong. Sam is for giving up and mopes about having been stupid about the LoL. Little late, there, Sam. Sam says he “followed because it was easier than leading.”

Dean’s not for giving up. Annnnd, Genius Dean gets an idea.

He’s gonna use the grenade launcher. The Twat thinks it’s stupid. Well, sure, but desperate times….

Dean fires in the hole.

It’s still dark. Sam looks for Dean, but can’t breathe. And then, the lights turn on. And the air comes back. Dean enters the Bunker, wounded but alive.

So, Mary shows up at Jody’s. The Brothers go through the dead and then rush to Jody’s house. Jody and Alex have her tied up in a chair.

Dean gets all the booze he needs, while Mary digs in the knife. They bring in the Twat, who admits she lied. Mary’s gone. Dean is going to take her out into the cornfield (okay, Jody’s backyard) and the Twat thinks that

Walt and Roy come in and it’s totally anticlimactic. Damn, the writing has sucked this season.

Sam gives a Big Speech about fighting back. He’s going to be a leader now because apparently, these writers can’t even allow Dean that.

Sam wants Dean to come along, saying Dean is better than any ten Hunters. Dean pleads being wounded and that Sam is “ready.” But Sam senses Dean has an ulterior motive. Dean admits he’s going to try to save Mary. They hug.

Jody has a moving moment with Alex, whom she’s sending out of the fight. Jody is going with Sam.

At the LoL Quonset Hut, Henchbitchstress is marshaling the forces of about a handful of LoL to attack … all of America. I facepalm. Really hard.

Ketch asks a redshirt tech to locate and track Mary. He’s a little horrified to discover she’s back at the Bunker. For many reasons.

Dean doesn’t trust the Twat, but she claims all she wants is a “head-start” to go see her son again. I’m sure hoping this is meant to make her a good guy, so we’ll “feel bad” when Ketch or somebody kills her. Because I sure don’t want her to make it out of this episode alive.

Anyhoo, Dean goes into the dreamworld with his mother. Mary is tending to Baby!Sam (of course she is) and feeding Toddler!Dean. It’s a totally different house layout from the Pilot teaser, where Sam had his own room. Really, show? You were too lazy even to recreate that?

Dean tries to talk to Dream!Mary, but she ignores him.

Sam and the other Hunters storm the LoL – in broad daylight, ’cause that’s smart. They start cold-bloodedly taking out the LoL. You know, the human LoL.

I like the new blonde Hunter. I don’t expect her to make it, but I’ll hope, anyway.

Inside, Henchbitchstress in her matching two-piece and pearls, belatedly and over-confidently orders a counterattack. But the Hunters are already inside.

Dean realizes his mother is intentionally choosing to stay in her dreamworld. As she tells Dream!Dean she says she won’t let anything happen to him, Dean says the words fans have been waiting for all season: “I hate you.”

Dean pours out his anger and resentment about the deal she made. He talks about his abandonment and how he got parentified. How Mary’s promise never came true.

Do you think Jensen is selling this? Of course he is.

Annoyingly, Dean still kinda makes the pain All About Sam, but at least he talks about his own pain first. He repeats that he hates Mary. He says he also loves her. Obviously, he’s very confused. He says he can’t help but love her because she’s his mother. He admits he made deals, too (I think that hurts her the most), and that he forgives her. While crying. He insists they can start over, but she has to fight back (clearly, someone watched the season finale of The Exorcist). He says he needs her to “see me.”

Finally, she turns around and looks at him. She recognizes him.

Back in the Bunker, the Twat is trying to escape. Of course. But it’s too late. Dean is yanked of the dreamworld – by Ketch.

The Twat’s already dead. Dammit, I wanted to see that!

Chez LoL, Walt and Roy are getting killed and Sam is confronting Henchbitchstress. Who fleas into a locked

In the Bunker, Ketch is beating up Dean because Dean’s still got that bum leg.

But Dean’s got some moves left. After all, he survived Purgatory. He does some serious damage to Ketch.

Dean: “When you left us alone in the Bunker? Man, I knew you were psycho, but I didn’t think you were stupid.”

Ketch decides to cheat a little further and pulls a gun. But he gets shot first. By Mary. Dean goes to her, kicking Ketch’s gun out of the way.

Ketch [to Mary]: “I knew you were a killer. You both are.”
Dean: “You’re right.” Mary shoots Ketch.

Henchbitchstress tries to get someone from LoL Central to get her out, but they ignore her. The Hunters blast their way in and Henchbitchstress tries to talk her way out by telling Sam (she mistakes him for Dean, I kid you not) Lucifer got out and Crowley’s dead. LoL Central try to back her up. Sam shoots out the LoL commlink. Jody shoots Henchbitchstress. Yay, Jody.

Sam & Co. blow up the LoL Quonset Hut. Well, there’s a kind of satisfaction to blowing the shit out of a storyline that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I’ll give them that.

Dean finds some mega-pain pills (so he’ll be stoned for the rest of the finale). Mary feels really guilty and apologizes to Dean for being a cold, distant bitch. She says she couldn’t face what she’d done to her sons.

Dean tells her her deal didn’t make them “who we are.” They made themselves heroes who “save the world.”

Mary fears Sam will hate her, but Sam returns at that moment. Group hug. Credits.

So, that ends 12.22.

12.21 doesn’t start too well.

So, we get a recap to “Carry On, Wayward Son” of the season so far. It wasn’t very good.

Cut to Castiel and Kelly at a pretty mountain lake. Kelly is trying to build a Swedish crib and mourning that she will never see her child’s face.

Is anybody else mightily offended by this whole woman-as-walking-womb storyline?

Oh, and in case the misogyny wasn’t high enough, when TFW try to contact Rowena, they get Lucifer, who just incinerated her. Because apparently, she wasn’t worth an onscreen death.

To add insult to injury, Crowley’s “rat” resurrects his usual body in a parody of Dean’s resurrection in “Lazarus Rising.”

TFW bemoans about how the writing won’t let them kill Lucifer or send him back to Hell.

Some ball of light is stalking Castiel and Kelly. In case anybody cares. Castiel finds it as a line of light on the beach. When he touches it, he’s transported to a dark place, where a monster attacks him. Somebody shoots the monsters. Castiel recognizes the person and says, “You?”

Trying not to get excited but PLEASE LET IT BE MICHAEL.

More offensive crap with Kelly talking to the naphil, calling him Jack. Show, she’s got a vicious monsters inside her, not cancer.

Crowley shows up and gets punched by Dean. Dean’s going to kill him, and Mary’s on board, but Sam suggests they find out what Crowley knows, first.

Crowley tells them how he escaped inside a rat. They tell him Rowena’s dead. He admits he wanted to keep Lucifer as his personal nuke (because that worked so well with Demon!Dean).

Sam asks why he’s back in the Bunker. Crowley admits they always come out on top, so he’s throwing in with the winning team. Crowley offers to make it worth their while. He’ll seal the gates of Hell.

Back to Kelly wondering where Castiel is. He’s kinda busy, dummy.

Castiel doesn’t tell her where he was. She says her contractions are starting. Castiel goes on a long, boring thing about a doula course he took.

Meanwhile, TFW is heading out to find Lucifer and Dean leaves Crowley Spork-spiked to a table.

Castiel goes to look out the window at the glowing line of light. Kelly thanks him for helping her (pretty sure that’s because he’s brainwashed).

Outside, we get another look at the light.

Recurring The Originals promo for tomorrow night’s ep that reminds how much worse Supernatural could still be.

Kelly asks what vision Castiel had when he joined up with her and he confirms the show is completely ripping off the Jasmine storyline from Angel.

The lights flicker and he goes downstairs. TFW is there. They tell him Lucifer is out and they’re there to help, at least for now.

Dean groans about his knee. An exasperated Castiel heals him. Sam finds the line of light outside.

Castiel says it’s a “tear in space and time.” He calls it an “alternate reality.” Sam and Dean talk about “The French Mistake.”

It’s a manifestation of the child’s power. The Brothers insist on going there with Castiel.

He says it’s an alternate reality of Heaven and Hell fighting forever. He says a “friend” brought him up to speed.

I foresee a whole lot of retconning to get the writers out of the corner they wrote themselves into.

Castiel says he has faith the Naphil won’t hurt anyone. Dean calls Castiel a “dumbass.” Because Castiel is.

In the other world, they meet a Bizarro!Bobby. I so wish I were joking.

Mary gets stuck helping Kelly, while the Brothers find out the alt-world is one where Mary never made a deal to save John (and continued hunting) and the Brothers were never born. So, they never saved the world.

Bobby kills angels for fun, but sensed Castiel was different. Oh, and Rufus is alive.

C’mon, Dean, angel-killing bullets are not new on your world.

Kelly asks Mary if she’d die for her boys the way she will die for “Jack.” Barf. So much barf.

Crowley shows up.

Damn, we could have gotten a final Rowena scene in half the time this freakin’ baby is taking to get born. So dull.

Castiel comes in to talk to Kelly. He seems to be having second thoughts.

Downstairs, the Brothers are gearing up. What happened to all those Hunters that survived from last episode?

Dean talks about TFW and rather reluctantly includes Crowley.

Lucifer shows up. Finally. Took him long enough.

Sam warns Lucifer that Chuck will show up. Lucifer begs to differ. Dean contemptuously asks if Lucifer really intends to “smash all His toys?”

Castiel attacks Lucifer and gets tossed aside. The Brothers flee. Lucifer, like a moron (has he learned nothing?) pursues and finds them going into the rift.

Lucifer likes the new world he arrives in.

Sam tells Lucifer this is the world he wants.

Sam scampers off as Dean lights him up with angel-killing bullets. Dean gets his ass kicked as Sam and Crowley make a spell to trap Lucifer there.

Crowley says they need one more “ingredient – a life.”

Crowley comes out and challenges Lucifer. Sam grabs Dean and gets him back to the rift.

So, are we gonna lose Crowley, after all?

Crowley pulls out an angel blade and stabs himself.

Yep, looks like we’re losing Crowley. Castiel appears for no damned, good reason and attacks Lucifer. Sam drags Dean back through the rift as it closes.

Oh, and the baby is born.

Hmm, diving movie that demonizes sharks. Not-yay.

Castiel stabs Lucifer and comes back through the rift, but then gets stabbed. Lucifer comes through and it was all for nothing.

Just about certain at this point we’re getting a magic reset plot. They’re not gonna kill off this many fan favorites for real.

Mary beats up Lucifer with the magic brass knuckles. He drops his sword, but drags her through the rift.

Oh, and the boring-ass baby is being born. Sam runs inside. Dean mourns over Castiel and looks up at the sky.

Inside the house, Kelly’s dead (yeah, I know. Nobody cares). Sam sees burning baby footprints and follows them into the nursery.

He sees he Naphil. It looks like Lucifer and has glowing eyes.

And that’s the really annoying cliffhanger on which we are left.

I’ll also be simul-recapping on Wayward Children.

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